All In Your Head
by ForeverSam
Summary: It's been fifteen years since the battle against the Arrancar. After the war, Ichigo was left as nothing more than an empty shell, with Rukia left behind to take the blame. Now she's back to help him, but is it too late? IchiRuki, rating for language
1. Haunted Past

**Beginning Notes** – Yes, I'm at it again. This idea came to me when I was watching an episode of _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ (try and guess which episode). Anyways, a few points, real quick before we start:

**Point 1** – This takes place 15 years after the current arc in the magna, so take everyone's current age and add 15 to it. That puts Ichigo and Co. at around 30, his sisters at 26...you get the idea

**Point 2** – I've always written using the English translations of everything, but I decided to try using the Japanese dialect this time around, so if I screw up a little, don't come down on me for it

**Disclaimer** – Don't own Bleach, as you well know. Kind of own the idea for the story. Do own any OC's I make up

* * *

**All In Your Head**

_By: ForeverSam_

* * *

The sun was setting on another day, the sky fiery orange. The twitter of birds carried through the air, drowned out by the clashing of swords. 

"Ow, ow! Rukia! Come on, mercy!" a crimson-haired man shouted. He was wearing black robes, a sword out in front of him. A black-haired girl with sharp violet eyes and similar robes was swinging her own sword at him, trying to break through his defenses. "Rukia, come on!"

The girl took another swing. The force of the blow threw the man backwards. "Ow," Abarai Renji grumbled as he pushed himself up onto his knees, "God damn Rukia, what's your freakin' problem?"

Kuchiki Rukia pushed a stubborn lock of hair out of her eyes, looking down at Renji. "Fine, don't answer, see if I care," Renji glared back at his child-hood friend.

"I don't have any problems"

"Well that's something to debate about – yah!" he ducked out of the way of a rock Rukia had kicked in his direction. He looked up at her again, smirking. The smirk died away when he saw the look in Rukia's eyes. The shining, lively look that had once resided in her violet eyes was gone, replaced a dull look of longing. It could have been fifteen years earlier, she still could have been on death row. That was what the look reminded him of; the way she had been when she was sentenced to execution.

"What are you staring at?" she broke him out of his reverie, "You look like an idiot gaping at me the way you are"

"Ah shut it," he snapped before closing his mouth and looking away, "Anyways, if you're done beating on me for the day, I'd like to get home"

"Whatever," Rukia shrugged, scowling slightly. Renji looked up at her for a second before sheathing his Zanpakutou.

"Look, Rukia-"

"I thought you wanted to go home," she turned away, sheathing her own Zanpakutou as she did so, "Don't complain about something if you're not going to actually do it"

"Ugh, whatever," Renji rolled his eyes, annoyed now, "See you around then"

He walked away. Rukia looked over her shoulder and watched him, feeling a little bad. In his own, twisted way he was just trying to help, after all. He just wanted her to be okay again. That much was understandable. What he didn't get was that she would never be okay again. Not fully.

"Sorry Renji," she muttered, knowing full well he couldn't hear her. Fingering the hilt of her Zanpakutou, she started to make her way home.

It had been fifteen years since the war against the arrancar. Some things had remained as they always were. For instance, Renji was still an annoying jerk who seemed to enjoy antagonizing Rukia and having pain inflicted upon him. But at the same time some things had changed a lot.

Rukia had finally managed to convince her brother to let her become a ranked officer. She'd been made the vice-captain of the thirteenth squad about a year ago. She hadn't actually talked to any of her friends since the war, and she planned on keeping it that way. After what had happened, after the war, she couldn't stand to look any of them in the eye, especially Ichigo. She didn't think she'd ever be able to look at Ichigo again.

Rukia sighed as she let herself into her house. She'd moved out of Byakuya's mansion five years earlier, when she had acquired her first rank (fourth seat). The place she lived in was considerably smaller than the Kuchiki house, but she lived alone, it didn't need to be a big place.

She dropped onto the couch, leaning her head back, eyes closed. She still felt bad about the way she had treated Renji. Her old friend had been patient enough to stay and train with her for most of the day, she probably shouldn't have beat on him. But she couldn't help it; she'd gone to the living world today.

Rukia breathed deeply and opened her eyes, looking over at the small side table next to the couch. Only one thing adorned the surface, a framed photo of a boy with spiky orange hair and amber eyes. He was smirking at the camera in an "I'm-being-forced-to-smile" way.

Rukia stared at the photo, losing herself for a second. He'd always said she would be the death of him, and if she wasn't she'd drive him insane...

"_No! _No_! You don't get it! They're out, they're _out there_!"_

The voice haunted Rukia in her dreams, drove _her_ insane. She heard it every night before she fell asleep, then echoed on the borders of her mind all through her dreams. His screams bounced around in her head, a constant reminder of what had happened, what _she_ had made happen.

"_Her fault, it's her fault! No, let me _go_!"_

Rukia closed her eyes and lowered her head into her hands, wishing she could just cover her ears and block out the voices, but they were in her head.

_He clawed at his head, leaving long angry scratches, digging his nails, leaving blood..._

Rukia's eyes shot open. "I thought nightmares were only supposed to come when I'm asleep," she muttered, laying down and resting her head on the arm-rest. She was really going to go crazy if she kept thinking about this.

"_Blood...blood, everywhere, it's there, it's on you, it's on her...on her..."_

"Shut up," Rukia pulled her legs up onto the couch and tucked her knees under her chin. She buried her head into her knees, eyes squeezed tightly shut now, "Shut up, just shut up, stop haunting me"

She hated these times alone. She hated it when she had no one's company but her own. At the division, anywhere in the Seireitei really, she had someone to keep her mind busy, someone that kept her distracted. That was why she liked training so much; when she was training she couldn't think about anything except the fight, otherwise she'd be hurt. But when she was alone, there was nothing to keep her mind from going back to that night in Urahara's shop. Nothing to stop her from dwelling on the miserable, miserable past that haunted her.

"_It's you, it's all you, you're to blame, it's you, it's you!"_

Finally, unable to listen anymore, Rukia bounded off the couch, nearly tripping over the coffee table. Stumbling slightly, she made her way to the door. Through all her dwelling, the sun had finished setting, and the moon was now high in the sky. The night air swept of Rukia's face. Comforting her slightly, she started down the street.

"Ah, Rukia-san!" about halfway down the street, a voice called out to her. She looked around, and saw Matsumoto Rangiku and Hinamori Momo walking down the street towards her. "Something wrong?" Matsumoto looked the Squad Thirteen Vice-Captain over, "You've been distracted all day-"

"Didn't you have a mission in the living world today?" Hinamori broke in. Rukia just nodded, looking away. "I see," Hinamori was understanding, thankfully, "How...how is he?"

"Still crazy?" Matsumoto added unhelpfully. Rukia's eyes flashed dangerously as she glared at the Squad Ten Vice-Captain. "Sorry, sorry. You need to get out for a little while, Rukia-san, forget about that whole mess in the living world. What do you say to a couple of drinks? Hinamori and I were just going to get one ourselves"

"Oh...no thank you, Matsumoto," Rukia said, trying to turn away, "I mean...I'd really rather not-"

"Come on now, we won't take no for an answer," Matsumoto and Hinamori each grabbed one of Rukia's arms and dragged her forward, "There's a nice bar nearby, not too crowded, don't worry, I know how you are around big crowds, it's a neighborhood place, you'll enjoy it..."

A night of drinking with Matsumoto. Rukia highly doubted she'd enjoy _that_. But she didn't seem to have much of a choice in the matter. "Um...Hinamori, Matsumoto, I'd really rather-"

"Have a drink with us?"

"Not exactly what I was thinking, but good alternative-"

In the end, Rukia was forced to succumb to the commands of Hinamori and Matsumoto. She was kind of okay with it, really. They took her mind off the past, and she was happy with that. She was happier not thinking about everything that had happened.

"Now then," Matsumoto poured three glasses of sake from the bottle the bartender had given her, and handed them around to Rukia and Matsumoto, "Who here is brooding more, Hinamori or Rukia-san? One of you needs counseling, I just can't decide who to talk to first though"

"Her," Rukia and Hinamori pointed at each other. Matsumoto smirked as she looked between them, obviously trying to decide which one to go after first.

"All right," she said finally, "I know what Rukia-san's problem is, so Momo-san, start talking"

Hinamori sighed wearily. "Well, if you must know...it's Shirou-chan"

"Ah, Hitsugaya," Matsumoto nodded wisely, "Love problems?"

"Or lack of," Hinamori muttered, draining half her glass in one sip, "He always acts so uptight and...I dunno, weird around me, like I'm just another subordinate. But if I listen to everyone else, he's in love with me"

"He is!" Matsumoto said at once, "He's just...scared, maybe, worried about what might happen if it doesn't work out, you know?"

Hinamori smiled, sipping her drink lightly now, "And how am I supposed to handle that, exactly?"

"I don't know, if Hitsugaya's like any other male, than he's hard-headed and stubborn," Matsumoto smiled as she drained her glass, "But if he really loves you then you can break through to him. You just have to keep cracking at it, ya know?"

Hinamori giggled. "I get it"

"Good then," Matsumoto turned her look on Rukia, who started sipping at her own drink, "Now, Rukia-san. I know what's wrong with you, so let's get to the point-"

"Matsumoto," Rukia cut Matsumoto off and poured herself another drink, "There _is_ no point, all right? There's nothing you, or anyone else can do to make everything the way it was"

She drained her glass again. "Rukia-san-"

_"It's all her fault, all her fault!"_

Rukia groaned and dropped her head into her hands. "Kuchiki-san?" Hinamori asked, sounding concerned, "Are you okay?"

It was easy for Hinamori. She didn't have voices running around her her head, accusing her. "Yeah, I'm fine Hinamori, don't worry"

_"It's all her fault!"_

* * *

**Author's Note** – Figured it out yet? Anyways, first chapter, not exactly the best thing in the world, but you know how it is. Anyways, now let's get on to reviews. If you're one of my normal readers, you know all about my review limits. If you don't, here's how they work: I don't like updating without, say...motivation, so, here it goes: 5-10 reviews saying I should continue, and I'll go on. But I never say no to more (ask my readers for "What Happened Last Night", they'll tell you all about my limits). See ya around – Sam 


	2. Placing the Blame

**All In Your Head – II**

Ishida Orihime sighed wearily as she leaned back against the couch. It had been a long, tiring day. She was ready for a little bit of relaxing.

"_Momeeeeee_!" okay, no relaxing. Orihime smiled as she stood up. A little girl with long, dark blue hair rushed into the living room.

"Yes Aiko, what is it?"

The five-year-old grinned up at her mother and held up a picture. "Look what I made in school today!" it was a picture of a dog with big orange spots.

"That's beautiful Aiko," Orihime said honestly. She'd always appreciated her daughter's taste in anything out of the ordinary, "Where's Daddy?"

"Daddy's trying to get Souken out of his car-seat," Aiko smiled widely, "He's a bad boy, isn't he Mommy?"

"Of course he isn't," Orihime bent down and picked up her daughter, "No more than you're a bad girl, Aiko"

Aiko smiled. She'd been insanely jealous when Souken had been born, and even though she loved her little brother dearly, that old jealousy never really died away. Before Orihime could say anything more to comfort her daughter, though, a tall, dark blue-haired man with glasses walked into the living room, a little boy in tow. The boy had dark orange hair and black eyes, and was pouting profusely. Orihime smiled at the pair. "Can we get a dog like this?" Aiko twisted around and showed the picture of the dog to Uryu, "I wanna dog like this!"

"Uh..." Uryu pushed his glasses up onto his nose, "I don't think there are any dogs with orange spots, sweetie"

"Oh," Aiko frowned, "Can we just get a dog, then?"

Orihime laughed; Aiko had been asking for a dog since she was two. "Maybe when you're-"

"Older," Aiko groaned as she squirmed out of her mother's hands, "Can I play outside for a little while?"

"Stay in the backyard," and the little girl was gone.

"Pway, pway!" Souken tried to pull his hand away from his father's. "I pway! Aiko pway, I pway!"

"Okay, you play," Uryu released his son's hand, and the little boy took off, the back door banging shut. Orihime laughed.

"Where do they get the energy from?"

"Their mother, I'd say"

Orihime sighed as she fell back onto the couch. "I don't have much energy tonight"

"Rough day?" Uryu asked sympathetically as he sat down on the couch next to her.

"Today was just...he was...difficult," Uryu nodded, "He has his days, he's usually...placid, you know? Kind of like he used to be, but today he was...I don't know"

Uryu just sighed. He didn't understand, of course, he wasn't in Orihime's line of business, he was an office worker. He worked with sane people. Orihime sometimes wished she could say the same. "Is there any hope for him? At all?"

"Not with the way he was today"

"And did you see..._her_? At all?"

"No"

Uryu shook his head, looking disgusted. "She could at least have the decency to visit, after everything she put him through-"

"Stop," Orihime rested a finger on Uryu's lips, "You know she felt guilty about it. She doesn't need you to-"

"She can't hear me," Uryu protested, "And even if she could, good. Someone needs to tell her these things. Not like she's ever here anymore anyways. Fifteen years, Orihime. It's been fifteen years. She hasn't visited once"

Orihime let her husband go on. She knew he had thought about this for a long time, gone over it in his head, but kept it to himself. That was one of the reasons she didn't stop him. The other reason was because most of her agreed with him.

It had been fifteen years, and no one had seen hide-nor-hair of the Shinigami that had barreled into their lives and tore them apart. It annoyed Orihime, in a way, but in another way she understood it. After all, the girl had loved him. And she had watched him...

"Orihime, are you okay?" Orihime blinked and looked at Uryu.

"What? Yeah, sorry, I'm fine"

Uryu stared at Orihime for a moment, and odd look on his face. "Uryu, have you ever wondered what life would be like if we – if he had never met her?"

"I've wondered that quite a bit actually," Uryu scowled as he looked away, "I think about how things might actually have been halfway normal, how...how _he_ would still be halfway sane-"

"Yeah, but he would also be-"

"Mommy, Mommy!" Aiko rushed into the room. Orihime jumped up.

"What's wrong?"

"Souken's playing with the frogs again!"

"Oh no," Uryu groaned, standing up, "It's my turn to get him, isn't it?"

Orihime smiled brightly as she scooped up Aiko. "Would you?"

Uryu grumbled as he made his way outside. Orihime giggled. "Mommy, what's so funny?" Aiko cocked her head curiously.

"Nothing, Aiko, never-mind. So what should we have for supper tonight?"

"Red bean pate and bread!"

"Oh if only Uryu had your taste in food"

* * *

_Rain was falling, pelting against the windows of the small shop...within the shop were a small group of people, six of them dripping wet and covered in blood...one of them was currently on the floor, staring blankly at a spot on the floor in front of him..._

_  
"Kurosaki-kun?"_

_He slapped the helping hand away..._

"_Blood, blood, it's everywhere, on all of you, all of them, everywhere..."_

_He ran a hand through his spiky hair, still muttering to himself..._

"_Blood, so much blood..."_

"_Ichigo?"_

_He looked up. "You. It's all your fault, all your fault, you did this, it was you..."_

_She reeled backwards, eyes wide. "Ichi...Ichigo-"_

"_Stay away, it's all your fault!"_

Rukia's eyes flew open. Her mouth, which had been open in a scream, snapped shut abruptly. "Dammit, dammit, dammit," she muttered, pulling at the blankets that had become twisted around her body as she rolled around over and over in bed, "Stop haunting me you bastard...it's not my fault..."

She finally untangled herself from the blankets and threw them away from her body, which was covered in sweat. "Just stop haunting me," she grumbled, drawing her knees up under her chin and burying her head in her knees. She hated having to live with this, everyday. People were always saying that things got better. She was tired of hearing it. What the hell did they know? They didn't have voices bouncing around in her head, blaming her for everything. And they didn't have accompanying voices, agreeing with the first ones. "Jeez," she grumbled, opening her eyes and looking out the window, "I'm beginning to think _I'm_ the one that should be locked up in that room, not Ichigo. He doesn't have voices running around in _his_ head," the she remembered what she had seen today, "Okay. Maybe he does, I certainly don't know. Nor do I _want_ to know"

She fell back on her pillows, running a hand through her hair. It was an annoying habit she had picked up from Ichigo whenever she was aggravated or preoccupied

"_There, she's there, it's all her fault, don't keep me here, it's her..."_

Rukia closed her eyes, sighing deeply. "Go away. Just go away"

* * *

Orihime made her way through the bright white halls, trying to put on a smile. She was wheeling a cart in front of her, with about twenty or thirty small cups adorning the surface. She peeked into one of the rooms on her right. "Kaiya-kun, are you awake? It's time for your pills" 

There was one bed in the room. Laying on his back on the bed was a man with pure white hair and brown eyes. Those eyes were currently wide, staring at the ceiling. His lips were moving wordlessly. "Kaiya-kun?" Orihime walked in and set the tray down on the small bed-side table and picked up one of the cups. "This is the right one, right?" she looked at the name on the cup, "Yeah, this is right. Okay Kaiya-kun," she pulled a water bottle out from underneath the cart, "Ready for your pills?"

The man looked over at her. "Pills?"

Orihime smiled. "Right. Pills. Okay," she pressed a button on the side of the bed, and the bed raised itself up so that Kaiya-kun was in a sitting position. "Ready?" Orihime tipped the cup over his mouth, then uncapped the water bottle and tipped some water into his mouth. He swallowed, and Orihime smiled. "There, see? It's better when you cooperate, huh?"

She wheeled the cart away, after putting Kaiya-kun's bed back into the down position. "Okay, next is...Natsuko-san!" she wheeled the cart next-door. "Natsuko-san, it's time for your pills"

A young girl, maybe seventeen or eighteen, was standing by the window in her room. She was fiddling with her hands in an odd way, her deep blue eyes flickering between the window and the bed. "Natsuko-san, time for your pills," she looked around at Orihime.

"I don't want my pills"

"Yes you do," Orihime grabbed a cup from the cart (after making sure it had Natsuko-san's name on it), grabbed a water bottle, and walked over to the younger girl. "Come on now," she handed Natsuko-san the cup, "You know what to do"

Natsuko-san stared blankly at the girl, then tipped her head back and dumped the contents of the cup into her mouth. "Good, here," Orihime handed her the bottle, and she took a sip. "Okay, good girl," Orihime smiled brightly, "Okie dokie, I'll see you later, k?" Natsuko-san wasn't listening anymore though. Orihime sighed as she left. "Okay, next...oh"

She wheeled her way to the next room. "K-Kurosaki-kun? You ah...it's time fir your pills"

Like Kaiya-kun, Kurosaki-kun was laying in his bed, staring at the ceiling. His amber eyes were blank and uncaring. "Kurosaki-kun?"

"Is...is _she_ here?" Orihime was the only person in the institution that actually knew who the_ she_ was that Ichigo always spoke of.

"No, Kurosaki-kun," Orihime scooped up the small cup with Ichigo's name on it. Tilting the cup back, the pills slipped into the orange-haired man's mouth, "She still hasn't come back. I don't think she's coming back, Kurosaki-kun," she tipped the bottle of water over his mouth.

He gulped the water then said, "It was all her fault, all her fault"

"Kurosaki-kun, it wasn't her fault, it's not your fault..." but he was gone again. Orihime sighed and wheeled the cart out of the room. She really needed to get him taken off her route.

* * *

**Author's Note** – Crazy Ichigo funny. More crazy seen next chapter, and Rukia's going to be there to see it. Sound good? Anyways, very happy to be able to continue this story, I got a lot of good feeback on it. And if you haven't figured it out by now (though I'm sure you have), Ichi cracked. Face it, after everything he went through, it was bound to happen. And even if it wasn't...I made it happen XD So yeah...that's all I've got for now. Review time. If you guys can bring me to some number between 20-30, I'd love you for life (and you'd get cookies) - Sam 


	3. Late Night Visits

**All In Your Head – III**

"That's a five-hour mission done in what, two?" Matsumoto looked around at Rukia, "Well, our part's done anyway, I dunno what Hisagi and Hinamori are up to-"

An odd ringing sound cut Matsumoto off. "What the hell is that?" Rukia asked, sounding a little disgusted. Matsumoto scowled slightly as she pulled out her soul pager.

"It's better than your ring tone, isn't it? What do you have again, the Chappy theme song?" she flipped open the phone, "Hello?...Oh, Hisagi...you're done too?...All right then, we'll meet you down there in a few, bye"

"They're done?"

"Yep," Matsumoto smiled as she closed the phone, "We now have three hours to kill, what do you say to a drink? I'm sure Hinamori and Hisagi won't refuse-"

"Hinamori and I look like we're sixteen, no one's going to sell alcohol to us"

"Mmm," Matsumoto frowned, "We'll figure out something. How about shopping? Are there any stores around here that are open all night?"

"A few," Rukia shrugged, "Let's just find Hinamori and Hisagi, we'll figure out what to do from there"

"Sounds good," they used shunpo and found themselves standing in front of Hinamori and Hisagi, who were conversing outside a mini-market. "So," Matsumoto clapped her hands, "What should we do now? Personally, I want to go shopping-"

"I don't think so," Hisagi said at once, "No shopping Matsumoto, you always buy more clothes than you need-"

"I like the clothes here"

"You never use them-"

"What if I take up a Gigai? I'll need them then won't I?"

"There's no reasoning with you, is there?"

"Nope," Matsumoto smiled proudly, "Really, I-"

"What the..." the four Shinigami Vice-Captains looked around and saw a very odd couple standing behind them. It was Uryu and Orihime.

"Well what do you know!" Matsumoto put on a smile, "Orihime-san, Ishida-kun, hello!"

Rukia shifted her weight between her feet and jostled a little so that she was behind Matsumoto, who was considerably taller than her and could hide her. But Orihime had already caught sight of the short Shinigami. "Kuchiki-san?"

Rukia winced but didn't leave her position from behind Matsumoto. "Kuchiki-san, is that you?"

"Ah Rukia-san, no hiding now," Matsumoto, much to Rukia's detest, stepped away, leaving Rukia in the clear.

"Who's hiding?" Rukia muttered, refusing to look at Uryu and Orihime, opting instead to analyze the sidewalk she was standing on. It had been fifteen years since she had directly confronted any of her old friends. "I'm not_ hiding_, Matsumoto. And who asked you anyway?"

A sudden beeping noise cut Rukia off before she could finish. She pulled out her Soul Pager, which was blinking furiously. "Another one?" Hisagi muttered, "I'll go-"

"I'll go!" the force of Rukia's voice must have shocked the others as much as it had her, because no one spoke as she used shunpo to get her away from the scene.

* * *

"Ah well," Matsumoto sighed wearily and turned back to Orihime and Uryu, "Don't mind her, she's very anti-social at times"

Uryu scowled slightly. "She didn't seem very happy to see us," Orihime said in a quiet voice. True, she hadn't expected the best reception from the Shinigami, but maybe a hello would have been nice. Just a little bit of acknowledgment from an old friend, nothing big though. Just a hello.

"No, she was thrilled, really," Matsumoto assured Orihime, "She always looks like that though, you can never really break through. She was happy to see you though, ecstatic even"

"No, she seemed pretty upset to me," Hisagi said thoughtfully. Matsumoto slapped the Shinigami over the head.

"So how've things been?" Orihime cut in quickly, trying to divert a fight, "Everything going well in uh...Soul Society?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary if that's what you're asking," Matsumoto said with a shrug, "Nothing's ever completely _well _in a place full of spirits, some of which are training to be Shinigami – and doing quite badly at that"

Orihime giggled. "Kuchiki-san was made a Vice Captain about a year ago," Hinamori said conversationally, "Thirteenth Division"

"Well that's great!" Orihime said with a smile. Uryu made a noise in his throat. "What?"

"Nothing"

"No, what?"

"Well, it sounds like she really cares, you know?" Uryu pushed his glasses up onto his nose, "Sounds like she really cares that she virtually destroyed a man. You know, going off, becoming a vice-captain...yup, she cares so much"

Orihime made to elbow him to shut him up. "That's not very fair," Hinamori said, frowning slightly, "You haven't seen her, you don't know-"

"Who's fault is it we haven't seen her?" Uryu cut the Vice-Captain off, "She's never made any moves to come and try and visit, has she? I doubt she's even been to see him-"

"Aren't you supposed to be the smart one in this group?" Matsumoto said, a little angry, "Cut her some slack already"

"And why should I?"

"Knock it off, both of you," Hisagi snapped, "You-" he glared at Uryu, "Shouldn't make assumptions about things you don't understand. You-" he looked at Matsumoto, "Just...don't start fights, all right? It's not worth it"

* * *

Rukia watched unconcernedly and uncaring as the hollow disintegrated into the night. She sheathed the Zanpakutou and looked around at her surroundings. Her heart stopped when she realized where she was. "Dammit. I knew I should have let Hisagi deal with it"

She was standing just outside the mental hospital where Ichigo was. She bit her lip, feeling torn. She shifted her feet uncomfortably, and after a second took a deep breath and stepped through the wall inside.

There was someone at the receptionist desk. She didn't even look up as Rukia walked past, trying to remember where Ichigo's room was. Third floor if she remembered correctly. She climbed the stairs, feeling faintly annoyed that it would look suspicious if she went up in the elevator. She moved silently through the corridors, peaking into rooms every now and then when she got to the third floor. Most of the people were sleeping, though every now and then she came across someone who was still awake, sitting up in bed staring blankly at the wall, or playing with their hands.

When she found Ichigo's room, she had mixed feelings. He was asleep, thank God, but just the site of him laying in that bed (which of course had restraints on it) made her feel almost sick. She stared down at him, disgusted.

"_Ichigo stop it, stop! Stop!...Ow! Hey, quit swinging your fists like that moron, you're gonna hurt someone!"_

"_Blood, the blood, it's everywhere, stop, make it go away!"_

_He swung his fist out again, nailing her in the cheek this time. She stumbled back and fell gracefully on her butt. "Oh that's it, I'm gonna-"_

"_Kuchiki-san, no!" someone grabbed her from behind and pulled her backwards. He froze suddenly, his eyes on her._

"_You," a lump formed in her throat._

"_Me"_

_"It's your fault, this all your fault! Blood, everywhere, blood spilled, all for you, it's your fault!" her eyes widened in shock._

"_N-No, it's, it's not-"_

_"Your fault!"_

"Who's there?" Rukia shook herself out of her reverie, and saw that Ichigo had woken up.

"I-Ichi...Ichigo?" his amber eyes shifted to meet her violet ones.

"You"

She bit her lip. "Yeah. Me"

"They said you wouldn't come back. You're gone"

"No, I...I mean, I was, but now I..."

"The blood was gone too, now it might come back-" Rukia bit her lip, almost wishing he would stop, "You're here, it might come back. The blood-"

"No, it...it's gone, Ichigo, please, don't-"

"You brought the blood, it was all your fault, all your fault..."

"No, it wasn't, don't say that!"

"All your fault..."

Rukia couldn't take it anymore. She whirled around and ran out, unable to stand there for another minute and listen to Ichigo's semi-rant. She used shunpo as soon as she had cleared the building, and found herself stuck in the middle of what looked like a stand-off between Uryu and Matsumoto. "Kuchiki-san!" Orihime chirped, looking happy to see her, "It's-"

"Can we go?" she looked around at Matsumoto, Hisagi, and Hinamori.

"Why?" Hinamori blinked in surprise, "I thought we were going to-"

"Please, let's just leave, all right?"

"Kuchiki-san?" Orihime sounded hurt, "Kuchiki-san, is something wrong?"

Rukia bowed her head, letting her hair fall, framing her face. "No, Orihime-san, nothing's wrong. Matsumoto, Hinamori, Hisagi, can we just leave?"

"Rukia-san," that was Uryu. He sounded highly upset, "Just why are you so eager to leave?"

"Oh wait," Hinamori's eyes widened, "You didn't go and see-"

Rukia clapped a hand over the Vice Captain's mouth, "Matsumoto, why don't you open the gate?" she said loudly. Everyone exchanged shocked glances.

"See who, Rukia-san?" Uryu said after a minute.

"No one," Rukia said harshly, reaching for her own Zanpakutou, "If you won't open the gate then I will, I'm not staying here though-"

"All right, all right," Matsumoto sighed and drew her own Zanpakutou, holding it out in front of her, "If you're really that eager, we'll go. But Rukia-san, how about telling us what the hell's going on?"

"Nothing," she pulled her hand away from Hinamori's mouth, still refusing to look at Uryu and Orihime. The latter wasn't quite ready to give up though.

"Kuchiki-san, what's going on?"

"Nothing," Rukia said, swallowing hard, "Matsumoto, please-"

Looking as confused as everyone else, Matsumoto turned her Zanpakutou in mid-air, and the gates to the Soul Society appeared in front of her. Rukia smiled for the first time that night (or that week, for that matter). She was ready for this mission to be over.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Not much, a little more from the past though. I thought it was pretty okay, but what did you think/wink/ anyways, next chapter Rukia let's something...slip during a fight with Renji. Something to do with a certain orange-haired Shinigami...if you want to find out what, reviews make me update faster! Any number between 30-40/45 is good. All right then! - Sam 


	4. The One She Loves?

**All In Your Head – IV**

Hinamori, Matsumoto, and Hisagi didn't approach Rukia for the next few days. She hadn't explained her odd behavior in the living world, nor her eagerness to get away. Hinamori had touched upon it, and Rukia's instance that the Squad Five Vice-Captain not talk had tipped them off. But no one wanted to ask Rukia, in case she did something worse than just cover their mouths.

Rukia sighed as she watched the new Shinigami training. That was the first time Ichigo had acknowledged her presence. But of course, it was also the first time she'd been alone in a room with him. Every other time there had been someone in the room to distract him from Rukia, turn his attention off the Shinigami. This time, though, it had been just them. His accusations were still ringing in her head, his voice, talking about the blood...the blood...

_Stop!_ The voice rang in Rukia's head, echoed through her mind. She had to stop thinking, had to stop dwelling. She had to stop blaming herself. Even though it was obvious no one else had.

She'd heard the accusing tone in Uryu's voice, the way he talked to her, caught a brief glimpse of the look he gave her when she came back from killing the hollow (and visiting Ichigo). He hated her, blamed her the way everyone else did. The way she did.

"_It was only a matter of time, really. Fifteen-year-old human, the weight of the world on his shoulders, it was only a matter of time until he-"_

"_And who's fault is it that weight was put on him?"_

"_Would you stop? For the last friggin' time, it's not your fault-"_

"_I'm the one who-"_

"_Just knock it off already! You're-"_

"_I'm what? Losing it? No, that's him, thank you"_

"_I wasn't going to say that!"_

"_Back to what I was saying, it was only a matter of time-"_

"_Renji, just shut up all right?!"_

Rukia shook her head free of the thoughts. She needed to stop dwelling, really needed to stop dwelling. That wasn't going to happen anytime soon though. "You look like your mulling," Renji's sarcastic voice reached her.

"Don't you have paperwork?"

"Putting it off," he leaned against a tree, "Matsumoto told me what happened in the living world. Well, she told me after a few drinks, anyway. She told me some, how about you tell me the rest?"

"Like..."

"Like why you were all of a sudden so eager to leave?"

"No reason, just wanted to come home"

"You've never been eager to come back to Soul Society," Renji said, "So try again"

"Renji-"

"You went to see him?"

"It's none of your business"

"Rukia, cut me some slack already, would you?" Renji asked angrily, "I told you before, it was only a s matter of time until-"

"Just because you say it doesn't make it okay Renji!" Rukia yelled. The trainees looked around in shock; they had never heard their Vice-Captain raise her voice before.

"Whoa, jeez, Rukia, calm down-"

"No, I won't!" Rukia snapped, "Jeez Renji, do you think you saying 'it was only a matter of time' makes everything okay? Because it doesn't! It makes it worse! You think the fact that it was _bound to happen_ makes it any better? You think knowing that it's_ my fault_ makes it okay?!"

"You're the only one who says it's your fault Rukia!"

"No I'm not, what about Orihime-san and Uryu and Chad, and not to mention his family-"

"Okay, you're the only one that blames yourself that counts-"

"_You don't get it Renji_!"

"That's because you won't let me in, you won't let anyone in! You're completely locked in yourself!"

"Because no one else would understand-"

"You don't know that!"

"How _could _anyone understand? How could anyone really know how it feels to drive the person you love _insane_?!" the trainees were now watching the exchange with their mouths wide open. Renji had a similar look on his face.

"L-Love...?"

Rukia reeled backwards. "I didn't mean, you know...he's just...forget it, I have to go," she turned away, and in the blink of an eye she had used shunpo to make her escape.

Renji shook his head and turned away. "God dammit. What's her problem?" he looked around at the trainees, who were still staring at the spot where their Vice-Captain had stood. "'The hell are you all staring at? Get back to work!"

* * *

Karin kicked at the floor, feeling uncomfortable. "Come on already," Yuzu pulled at Karin's arm, "Let's go"

Sighing heavily, they made their way up to Ichigo's room. They were side-tracked, however, by Orihime, who was leaving their brother's room. "Orihime-san!" Yuzu chirped, "How is he?"

"It's so weird," Orihime said thoughtfully, "He thinks...he thinks _she_ came to visit him last night"

Ichigo's family were the only people besides Chad, Uryu, and Orihime who knew about Rukia. Karin cocked her head, interested, "But she wasn't here...was she?"

"I dunno," Orihime shrugged, "I know she was in the living world on a mission with three other Vice-Captains, but she never had a chance to escape and come here, they left right after the mission was over"

"Maybe he was hallucinating," Yuzu suggested quietly.

"Or dreaming," Karin added, "Either way, can we see him?"

"Of course," Orihime stepped aside at once and allowed the twins in. Ichigo was sitting in a chair at his window, looking blankly outside.

"How long has he been there for?"

"All morning," Orihime shook her head sadly, "Maybe Rukia should come visit, it might do him a bit of good-"

"I doubt that," Karin said darkly, "He blames _her_ for this, doesn't he?"

"He wasn't in his right mind-"

"Well I blame her too"

"Karin!" Yuzu looked at her sister in shock.

"What, Yuzu? Face it, if Rukia had never come, he never would have turned into a Shinigami, and none of this ever would have happened, don't look at me like that, you know it's true!" Karin added, scowling at the look on Yuzu's face.

"Rukia-nee–"

"Why do you still call her that?"

"Hey, hey," Orihime said in a soothing voice, "Don't fight now. Just go and see your brother, I think he's lonely. He's doing good today, I bet seeing you two will cheer him up even more though, go on now..."

Yuzu and Karin nodded before making their way into their brother's room. "I-Ichi-nii?" Yuzu said uncertainly, "It's us. Yuzu and Karin. How are you?"

"Hey," he said in a flat voice.

"Um...how's it going?"

"She was here last night"

"No, she wasn't Ichi-nii," Karin said, trying to sound soothing (it wasn't something she did often), "She wasn't here Ichi-nii, she's never here. She left fifteen years ago. She's gone"

"She was _here_"

"Karin," Yuzu whispered, "Maybe she really _was_ here"

"She's not coming back, Yuzu," Karin whispered back, "She's_ never _coming back. Why would she? She doesn't care, does she?"

"That's a horrible thing to say Karin, of course she cared!"

Karin looked down at the floor, her black hair framing her face

"_Rukia-nee, are you leaving?"_

"_Yes, Karin-chan. I have to"_

"_But Ichi-nii needs you"_

"_I'm the_ last_ person he needs right now. This is my fault, I shouldn't be around"_

_Karin looked at the bruise on the older girl's cheek. "Rukia-nee, where'd that come from?"_

_Rukia touched a hand to her bruised cheek. "It's nothing. Don't worry about it. Take care of Yuzu-chan and your father. And Ichigo. Especially Ichigo"_

_She bent down and pulled Karin into a light hug. Karin didn't even have time to return it before Rukia turned to leave_

"If she cared she wouldn't have left," Karin said, reaching up to wipe away the tears that had formed in her eyes, "If she cared she wouldn't have abandoned Ichigo, she wouldn't have taken the cowardly way out. She would have helped. She didn't care Yuzu. She still doesn't"

* * *

"_How could anyone really know how it feels to drive the person you love _insane_?!"_

There it was again. The word. _Love_. It had slipped out, really. She had never meant to say it. She hadn't meant to say she loved him.

But didn't she? All the sleepless nights, lonely mornings, all the nightmares and hauntings, all the voices floating around in her head, arguing back and forth, didn't it mean something? The overwhelming guilt of knowing she alone was responsible for what had happened to him...didn't it mean that she cared about him? That she loved him?

Rukia picked up a rock and threw it into the river. Her mind was spinning relentlessly, not giving her even a moment's peace. "Rukia-san!" and speaking of not having any peace. Matsumoto had come up behind the mulling Vice-Captain.

"Yes, Matsumoto?"

"Uh...how's it going?"

"You heard about my fight with Renji?"

"Well, Sentarou and Kiyone heard it, and you know how they are..."

"Yeah, I know," Rukia rolled her eyes, not even bothering to try and hide her annoyance. She wanted to be left alone, but with Sentarou and Kiyone spreading the news around Soul Society, every Shinigami would know by the end of the afternoon.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"About what?"

"Rukia-san, you said you loved him"

"Slip of the tongue"

"Rukia-san, you don't have to hide it," Matsumoto said soothingly, "Everyone knows he loves you-"

"Who thinks that?"

"You mean besides half the Shinigami here?"

"They're insane"

"He stormed Soul Society, fought almost every captain, and nearly died a million times over trying to save you from execution," Matsumoto reminded Rukia, "That's not something people forget. Especially not the captains here"

"I haven't forgotten either," Rukia said, "I'm in his debt, I know it. But that doesn't mean he loves me. He saved me because he thought he owed me"

"Oh sure, that's what he _says_," Matsumoto smiled knowingly. Rukia rolled her eyes, annoyed now. She didn't feel like explaining herself.

"Does it matter now, Matsumoto?" she picked up another stone and threw it into the river, "He hates me now"

"He does not"

"He blames me"

"He's not in his right mind"

"You sound like Renji," Rukia stood up, "Matsumoto, nothing about that matters anymore, all right? Just drop it, and leave me alone"

She walked away without another word

* * *

Author's Note: Aaaawww, Rukia loves Ichigo...well, we knew that already. Anyways, not much in this chapter, little more in the next one though, some more stuff from the past, so show me some love, and maybe a few reviews. Any number between 50-65 sounds good, but I never say no to more, as you know ;-) - Sam 


	5. Her Heart

**All In Your Head – V**

Orihime smiled as she bounced Souken up and down on her knee. The little boy squealed in delight, waving his arms happily. He had always loved being bounced around. "Bouncy, more bouncy!" he cried, "Bouncy Mommy!"

"Okay, a little more bouncy," Orihime assured the boy, "But after that I have to go make supper. Okay?"

Souken nodded eagerly. Orihime bounced him for a few more minutes, then put him back on the floor, much to his detest. He pouted as he followed Orihime into the kitchen. "Bouncy"

"No more bouncy sweetie. Maybe later"

"Can I have cheese?"

"Okay, you can have some cheese," she pulled a slice of cheese out of the fridge and unwrapped. Souken grinned as he grabbed it. "Souken, go play with Aiko for a little while, k?"

"'K Mommy," the little boy darted out of the kitchen. Orihime giggled as she listened to the patter of feet throughout the house. She'd always had a soft spot for little kids, and she loved Souken and Aiko so much. Sometimes, though, they tired her out quickly. Especially on the days when she had a hard time at work.

"_Mommeee_!" Aiko squealed suddenly, "Souken's eating the crayons again!"

Oh brother," Orihime groaned and made her way to the play-room. Souken was indeed attempting to put crayons in his mouth, stopped only by the fact that Aiko was wrestling the crayons away from him. "Souken, you know better than that," Orihime scolded the little boy, taking the crayon out of the little boy's hand.

"Hungry!" he grinned up at her, and Orihime couldn't help but smile.

"Yes, I know you're hungry," Orihime said, playing with Souken's hand, "How about leek soup with garlic bread?"

"Yay!" he bounced up and down and tumbled onto the soft carpet. He blinked and looked around, surprised. Aiko and Orihime laughed. Aiko stopped for a second and looked around, curious.

"Mommy, where's Daddy?"

"Daddy, Daddy!"

"He had to work late," Orihime explained, kneeling down on the carpet with her kids, "He might not be home until later"

"Oh," Aiko frowned and went back to her drawing. She was, Orihime noticed, working very hard on the drawing, trying to make every detail perfect. She snatched a crayon away from Souken.

"Aiko that wasn't very nice"

"But I need it Mommy," she didn't even look up.

"What are you drawing anyway?"

Aiko put the crayon down and held up the piece of paper she was coloring on. Orihime blinked and stared. It wasn't one of her normal, cheery drawings of flowers and sunshine and the beach and orange-spotted puppies. This one was almost...frightening. It was of a monster, with long claws and fangs, and a skeleton mask and red eyes. Orihime's eyes widened in surprise. "Scary," Souken pointed to the picture, his own eyes wide, "Aiko that's scary. Put away"

"Aiko, why'd you draw that?" the little girl put the picture back on the floor, away from her brother's eyes, frowning.

"'Cause I saw it Mommy," her black eyes were shining.

"What do you mean you saw it?" Orihime asked, alarmed now. She knew the monster was a hollow. How could Aiko have seen one?

"I saw it the other night," Aiko, who had been laying on her stomach, sat up, "I saw it out ma window, on the street"

"I see, I see," Souken pointed at the picture, straining to get out of his mother's hands, "Monster, I see monster"

Orihime reached over and plucked the picture off the floor. "Aiko, did you tell anyone else that you saw this? Any of the teachers at school, or your friends?"

Aiko shook her head. "But I really _did_ see it Mommy"

"I believe you," Orihime ruffled the girl's hair, "But some people might not. So don't tell anyone about this, okay? Don't draw any more pictures like this, and if you do, don't show them to anyone at school. Understand?"

Aiko nodded, looking serious. "Mommy, is something wrong?"

"No," Orihime set Souken down on the floor, "No more eating crayons Souken, got it? I have to go and finish supper"

She left the two in the play-room, taking the picture with her. She really shouldn't have been surprised. After all, both she and Uryu had high spiritual power, it was only natural that their kids would as well. But Orihime didn't like to think about hollow being that close to Aiko or Souken. She looked down at the picture, frowning. There were, she noticed, no Shinigami in sight. Either Aiko hadn't seen one, or there just hadn't been any there. Either way, Orihime found the absence strange. Where there was a hollow, there was a Shinigami. Right?

* * *

"Am I the only one that thinks something's wrong?" Renji, who had swishing his drink around in his glass, looked up. He was out with Hisagi, Yumichika, Ikkaku, and Matsumoto (who happened to be at the same bar they had gone to).

"What do you mean?" the crimson-haired Shinigami narrowed his eyes at Hisagi, who had just drained his own drink.

"I dunno," he reached across and grabbed the bottle of sake that was resting in the middle of the table, "Something just doesn't seem right, ya know? When we were in the living world, there was this strange reiatsu bugging me. Matsumoto I'm sure you noticed it as well-"

"Kind of," Matsumoto muttered, sipping her own drink, "I wasn't really paying attention though"

"Oh that's right, you were too busy thinking about shopping-"

And that was when the bickering started. Renji rolled his eyes and finished off his own drink. It would be a miracle if Hisagi and Matsumoto didn't fight when they spent time together. "Are you two done?" he asked after a few minutes, feeling annoyed.

"Yeah, guess so," Matsumoto sipped at her drink, "Moving on though, has anyone heard anything from a certain thirteenth division vice-captain lately?"

All eyes turned on Renji, who scowled. "Why does everyone always ask me about her? She won't talk to me anymore than she does you, even if we are friends – or were friends"

"Look, everyone heard about what happened the other day," Ikkaku broke in, "You know, 'bout the fight you two had. What was that all about?"

"Nothing. I tried talking to her and she lost it on me. Not the best thing to do in front of new Shinigami, they'll think their vice-captain's lost her mind"

"Maybe she has," Hisagi said after a second.

"Hisagi!" Matsumoto reached across the table and slapped Hisagi over the head.

"_What_? You have a better explanation?" Hisagi took a sip of his drink, "To be honest, I don't think she was ever completely _stable_ to begin with-"

"Well growing up the way she did – I mean, she lived in one of the highest districts-"

"My point exactly. Then she basically watched Kurosaki go insane-"

"She blames herself-"

"She's not exactly the picture of stability-"

"Would you guys just knock it off?" Matsumoto snapped, "Just because she's a little...off, that doesn't mean...she loved him for god's sake, of course she'd be upset!"

"She didn't love him," Renji protested at once, "Why would _anyone_ love him? He's just a-"

"You're jealous," Yumichika said, sipping his own drink, "Everyone knows you have feelings for her, Abarai-kun, it's only natural-"

"Shut up," Renji snapped, "A, I would never be jealous of that orange-haired freak, and B...I don't have feelings for her! And anyways, why would I be jealous? Just say I was"

"Because he has the one thing you'll never get"

"Oh yeah? What?"

"Kuchiki-san's heart," there was a moment of silence, then everyone cracked up.

"Jeez, could you _be_ anymore corny?!" Ikkaku howled, slamming his fist on the table.

"Corny or not, you know it's true"

Renji shook his head, laughing as well. Yumichika was good for a laugh. That had to have been why they brought him along, he certainly wasn't good company. "Anyways, I still say she's a little...out of it," Hisagi said when the laughter died down, "But, if you guys wanna go ahead with thinking everything is just fine, go right ahead, no skin off me. I'm telling you though, keep an eye on Kuchiki-san – something tells me she's going to need it"

* * *

"_What do you mean, mental state? What's wrong with his _mental state_?"_

"_Well...Kurosaki-kun, has your son had any...added stress put on him lately?"_

_Rukia bit her lip, her violet eyes straying to the floor. They were at some kind of hospital with Ichigo's family, her, and Uryu, and Chad (Urahara and company had decided not to come along for the thrilling ride). "Added stress? Well, now that you mention it, there was a little, you know, in the last few months"_

_"It happens, sometimes, when people are..."_

_Rukia allowed the man's words to pass over her without taking it in. All she could hear, over and over, was 'added stress'. She wondered, did the weight of the world count in that?_

Rukia closed her eyes, sighing deeply. She was laying on her bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. She'd spent the last few days in a bit of a fog. Ever since her argument with Renji, she'd noticed that people really _were_ avoiding her. She knew what she had said – let slip – would make it all the way around Soul Society and back, and that people wouldn't know how to treat her afterwards, she expected that. But it still kind of bugged her that even Hinamori and Matsumoto (who had been as close to friends as Rukia had gotten since she'd left the living world) didn't seem capable of approaching her anymore.

"_Her fault, all her fault..."_

"_Who is he talking about? Do you know?"_

_Silence went through the group. Then, "No. No clue"_

Rukia's eyes shot open. No matter what she did, these things kept coming back to haunt her. No matter what she did, she heard it all, over and over. She heard the doctor talking, she heard Ichigo's slightly-crazed voice, she heard it all as if she were still there listening to it. But she didn't want to. She didn't want to listen to it anymore, she didn't want the voices to keep coming back and attacking her. She hated it, hated every second of it. Hated it almost as much as the people around her always saying that things would be okay when they wouldn't be. Nothing was ever going to be okay again.

"_Kuchiki-san?"_

"_Yes, Inoue?"_

_"Are you okay?"_

"_I'm fine"_

_"You look upset"_

_"I'm not"_

_"Kuchiki-san?"_

_"What?"_

"_Do you love him?"_

Rukia grabbed her pillow and buried her head under it. There was that word again. There was _love_. Out of anger and annoyance she'd shouted it at Renji, saying that she loved Ichigo. And fifteen years earlier, Inoue had asked Rukia the same thing, asked her if she loved Ichigo. It was an annoying word, really. Rukia couldn't love Ichigo. If she had...she wouldn't have done what she did to him. It was as simple as that, really.

"_Her fault...all her fault..."_

"My fault," she muttered into her pillow as sleep finally took her, "All my fault"

* * *

**Author's Note**: You know what's fun? Torturing Rukia. That's fun. Anyways, not much to say about this chapter, not much happened, but there's a little bit more in the next chapter. I bet if you reviewed, I'd update faster (it's just a thought though...). Also, I have a new AU story called _Miracle_ (IchiRuki, naturally), so if you haven't seen that, I'd appreciate you taking a look, and maybe reviewing. But, back to this story; let's say...70 or more reviews, then I'll update. K? - Sam 


	6. Illness and Injuries

**All In Your Head – VI**

"Vice-Captain Kuchiki?" Kiyone cocked her head at Rukia, "Do you feel okay? You look kind of...well, pale"

"I'm fine, Kiyone," Rukia said, pushing a strand of hair out of her eyes, "Just fine"

"Are you sure?"

She worked hard to suppress a cough. "Yeah"

Kiyone looked doubtful, but she left anyways. The truth was, Rukia had felt sick ever since she woke up that morning. But she wasn't about to say anything; she couldn't exactly take a day off, and complaining really wouldn't help. So she kept to herself, simply going through the motions of the day, and trying not to cough too much when she was around other people. It was a long day.

"Ah, Rukia-san!" Rukia, who had been standing by the river watching the sun set, looked around, and saw Matsumoto walking towards her.

"Oh. Hello"

"Don't pretend to be happy to see me or anything," the squad ten vice captain joked, "Anyways, I was looking for you, figured you'd be here-"

"What do you need?"

"We're being sent to the living world"

"_Again_?"

Matsumoto shrugged. "When we were there, did you notice anything strange? You know, a strange reiatsu, or something like that?"

"Not that I can remember, why?" they started off down the street.

"Well, Hisagi mentioned feeling something strange, and I thought I did too-"

The rest of her words were lost as a wave of dizziness slammed into Rukia. Her hand drifted to her head and she stumbled forward slightly. "Rukia-san?" Matsumoto stopped at once, resting a hand on Rukia's shoulder, "What's wrong, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Rukia said, trying to shake it off, "It's just – no, wait-"

Matsumoto brought one of her hands up and rested it on Rukia's forehead. She yelped and jumped back at once, "Rukia-san, you're burning up! Do you feel okay?"

"I'm fine," Rukia moved away, "We'd better get going, Hisagi and Hinamori are coming too, right?"

Matsumoto frowned as Rukia walked forward, but didn't question it. She knew better than to challenge Kuchiki Rukia, who was the master of getting what she wanted. But that didn't stop her from worrying.

* * *

"Uryu, I kept forgetting to show this to you..." Orihime frowned as she finally remembered to show Uryu the picture Aiko had drawn. It had been a few days since she had done it, but Orihime – being Orihime – kept forgetting to show it to her husband. Now though, she walked over to the fridge and got the picture off the top, putting it on the table for Uryu to see. The Quincy looked the picture over, his eyes widening.

"When did-"

"She drew it a few days ago," Orihime sat down at the table again, "She said she saw it outside her window one night"

"Well, can't say I'm surprised," Uryu sighed, "Souken could probably see it too, if he was there, I mean"

"Well, he pointed to the picture and said, 'I see' but he might have just been imitating Aiko"

"I see. What did you say to her?"

"I told her not to draw anymore pictures like this, and not to mention it at school"

"Good idea," Uryu shook his head and pushed the picture away, "I was hoping we wouldn't have to say anything to her about this until she was older..."

"Oh well," Orihime sighed and played with the picture, "You know, she's a really good artist"

"Yeah, plenty of detail," Uryu looked over the drawing critically, "A little bit too much, if you ask me. Someone might think she's-"

"Don't say crazy," Orihime cut him off, "Please, don't say anything that is any variation of crazy, including crazy itself"

"Right, sorry. Anyways...what are we gonna do with the picture?"

"I'd say burn it, personally, but that's just me"

"Let's just keep it on top of the fridge for now"

"That works too," Orihime scooped up the picture and put it back on the fridge where she had gotten it from, "We'd better keep an eye on her. And Souken too, actually. Just to be on the safe side. Two little kids, one big hollow...that's a scary combination"

* * *

"So are we splitting up?" Hinamori asked as she looked around. Hisagi, Matsumoto, and Rukia exchanged looks.

"Splitting up sounds like a good idea, yeah," Matsumoto said finally, looking down at her Soul Pager, which was beeping wildly, "There seem to be a lot of hollows around. Good thing we have all night"

"How hard are a couple of hollows?" Hisagi asked, looking around, "Let's just split up and get this over with"

"Yeah, if we finish early we'll have some time to ourselves," Matsumoto said with a devious smile, "Can you say shopping?"

"Can you say no?" Hisagi shot back.

"Kuchiki-san?" Hinamori cocked her head at Rukia, "Are you-"

"I'm fine," Rukia cut off the question, "Let's just go"

She left before anyone could protest. "There's definitely something wrong with her," Matsumoto nodded wisely, "Maybe someone should follow and make sure she stays out of trouble"

"She's going off to fight a spiritual monster," Hisagi reminded Matsumoto, "She's not going to be able to stay out of trouble doing _that_"

"She'll be fine," Hinamori assured her fellow Vice-Captains, "Kuchiki-san knows how to take care of herself"

* * *

Rukia swung Sode no Shirayuki around, slicing through the hollow's mask. "One down," she muttered, looking at her Soul Pager, "And...a thousand to go"

Okay, so she was exaggerating just a little. It wasn't by much though; there were a _lot_ of hollows prowling tonight. "Now I know why we were sent," she said as she started off towards the next target. There was no way the local Shinigami would have been able to handle all these hollows by himself.

She found another hollow prowling down town. "Okay ugly," she muttered, jumping down in front of it and slicing through the mask, "Two down"

She sheathed her Zanpakutou and pulled out her Soul Pager again. And there was another one. "I need a vacation," she grumbled, taking off again, "A long vacation away from Shinigami and spirits and people with orange hair and no sanity. I hear Hawaii is a good place this time of year-"

She cut herself off as a coughing fit racked her body and she doubled over. Damn, whatever she had, she had it bad. A loud roar caught her attention and she whirled around. The hollow had somehow gotten behind her and was swinging a pincer-like hand down, on a collision course with her head. She dove out of the way at the last second, drawing her Zanpakutou and swinging at the hollow. The bug-like creature swung one of it's pincers up, blocking the blow, then dove forward, mouth open. Rukia jumped out of the way of the attack, and the hollow whirled back again, pincer flying. It caught her in the shoulder. Surprised and distracted by the pain, her free hand jumped to the wound. Taking advantage of this lack of attention, the hollow attacked again, barreling into her and throwing her backwards. She tumbled and landed hard on her back. Her eyes widened as, temporarily winded, she tried to re-catch her breath. "Aw, a poor helpless Shinigami," the hollow scoffed, looking down on her, "It's been awhile since I killed one of you..."

"Better wait a little while longer then," Rukia managed to gasp, her hands drifting over the ground, trying to find the hilt of Sode no Shirayuki. The hollow, seeing what she was doing, swung it's pincer down, going right through the middle of her wandering hand. Her eyes widened a little more, but she bit back the yell of pain. She wasn't going to give this monster the satisfaction of seeing her pain, wouldn't give him the satisfaction of letting the hollow know she was hurting.

"Now then, what was I going to do? Oh right..." the hollow swung it's remaining pincer down; it went through her chest, right above her heart.

This time Rukia couldn't stop the yell of pain, couldn't keep from showing her weakness. The hollow laughed cruelly, pulling it's pincer back, and blood started pouring from the wound. Rukia's breathing quickened as the edges of her vision began to fade to black. "No," she muttered, trying to roll onto her side, to get away from the hollow, "No, no, I can't die..."

"Well you're about to," the hollow said in a sickeningly happy voice. Before he could deliver another blow, a bright blue light filled her vision and shot through the hollow. She had a momentary glimpse of two people walking up beside her before the pain overcame her and she allowed herself to succumb to the darkness

* * *

Matsumoto frowned as she closed her Soul Pager. "It's not like Rukia-san to not answer," she said, tapping out Rukia's number again and bringing the phone back to her ear, "I'm worried"

"Maybe she lost it," Hisagi suggested, leaning against a telephone pole, "The phone, I mean. Maybe she lost the phone during a fight"

"I'm still worried"

"Me too," Hinamori frowned, "That's the fourth time you've called. Surely she'd have noticed if she lost it?"

The Shinigami exchanged uncertain looks. They could all tell something was wrong. Very, very wrong.

* * *

"Is that...the Chappy theme song?" Uryu looked over his shoulder at Rukia's Soul Pager, which was sitting on table. Orihime blinked as she stared at the phone as well.

"Well...it's Kuchiki-san" Orihime gestured to the still Shinigami currently laying on the couch, "She likes bunnies, doesn't she?"

"But the Chappy theme song?" a coughing noise cut off the conversation, and they looked around. Rukia's small body was shaking as a coughing fit took her over. "Is she okay?"

"She has a fever," Orihime took the damp cloth of Rukia's forehead and rest a hand in it's place, "I don't understand why Soul Society would send her if she's sick"

"Knowing Rukia-san she didn't tell them," Uryu rolled his eyes, remembering the strong, independent nature of the Kuchiki girl.

"Yeah, that definitely sounds like Kuchiki-san," Orihime giggled.

"Whatever you're talking about, I'm sure it isn't good," Rukia's weak voice cut through Orihime's giggles.

"Kuchiki-san!" Orihime grinned as she looked over at Rukia, who was stirring feebly. "No, you'd better stay down," she rested a hand on the Shinigami's shoulder, "I healed her wounds but you're probably still going to be in pain. Plus you're sick, you need to rest"

"No, I'm fine-"

For the fifth or sixth time Rukia's Soul Pager went off. "We didn't want to answer it," Orihime explained, "Just in case..."

Her voice drifted off as Rukia struggled to sit up, then reached over and grabbed the phone, flipping it open. "Hello? Oh, Matsumoto...I'm sorry, it slipped out of my pocket, I had to double back to look for it...it took awhile to find...yes, of course I'm okay...no, not hurt, not at all-"

"What do you-" Uryu clapped a hand over his wife's mouth.

"No one's here...stop giving me the third degree already...all right, I'll meet you back there...yeah, all right, I'll be there in about twenty minutes...I dunno, are we done? Yeah, I haven't gotten any reports either...fine, I'll see you soon. Bye," she closed the phone, looking exhausted.

Orihime pulled Uryu's hand away, looking faintly annoyed. "Not hurt? Who says your not hurt?!"

"I say," she reached up and ran a hand through her black hair, "Thanks for taking care of me, but I have to go-" she started to sit up again but Orihime pushed her down, "Orihime-san, I really do have to go, I don't want the others think something's wrong-"

"Something _is_ wrong though," Orihime pouted, "You have a fever, a really bad fever, you should be resting, not going around fighting hollows-"

"No, I'm okay," Rukia protested, pushing Orihime's hand away and standing up shakily. "Don't worry about me Orihime-san"

Uryu frowned as he watched Rukia leave. "Seemed pretty eager to get out of here, didn't she?" he looked over at Orihime, who was staring after Rukia, looking somewhere between hurt and worried. "Do you think she's hiding something?"

"I think she's very confused and doesn't know what to do"

"What could she be confused about?"

"Kurosaki-kun"

* * *

Rukia sighed as she dropped onto her couch. True to Orihime's word, she still ached terribly. She'd managed to conceal the pain from the others, for the most part, though she caught Hinamori giving her a few cock-eyed glances. For the first time in years, Rukia found it a relief to be alone.

She coughed again, and her hand flew to her mouth. She couldn't afford to be sick, if she was sick and they sent her on another mission, she might not get as lucky next time as she was this time around. Orihime wouldn't always be there to heal her.

Rukia sighed and laid back on the couch, exhausted. That was the first time she had really talked to Orihime or Uryu directly since _that night_.

"_Do you think Kurosaki-kun will be okay?"_

"_No way of being able to tell, Inoue"_

"_What was wrong with him? He looked so...so scared. Or am I the only that noticed?"_

_"I noticed too"_

"_Do you think he'll be okay, Kuchiki-san?"_

_His accusations were still ringing in her ears. "God Inoue, I hope so"_

Rukia reached up rubbed the tears out of her eyes. She wasn't sure why she continued to let these things haunt her. Maybe she felt it was her punishment. Her punishment for letting those terrible things happen to Ichigo. It was her punishment. Her punishment for being the reason he was completely broke down.

* * *

**Author's Note** – Guess what, guess what?! – **SPOILER ALERT** – Ichigo POV part of the next chapter! Look into the mind of Mr. Crazy himself! So if you're nice and cut me some slack on the horribleness of this chapter, and maybe give me 80 or more reviews, I might be inclined to update a little quicker... - Sam 


	7. In His Mind

**All In Your Head – VII**

_Blood. Blood. It was everywhere. It was on his hands, staining them, on his friends. He spilled the blood of others and he had his own blood spilled. Blood. Crimson red, covering everything. Blood. There was just so much blood..._

"Kurosaki-kun?" Ichigo looked around and saw a nurse walk in. It was not Orihime, his regular nurse. It was someone new, a stranger. He looked away from her. He didn't want to see a stranger. He wanted someone he knew, someone who knew what he was talking about when he spoke. This lady, whoever she was, didn't know a damn thing.

"Where is she? Is she here?"

"Who, Kurosaki-kun?"

"_Her_"

The nurse sighed. "Kurosaki-kun, who is it that you're always talking about?"

"Her, it's her fault, she's the one..."

"Kurosaki-kun..."

And again, Ichigo saw it; _a torn battle-field, bodies littering the grounds. Pools of blood surrounded the bodies, covered even the living. The ground, the air, it was all stained red. His hands were smeared with it, his face, it was mixed in his hair..._

"Kurosaki-kun, are you okay?"

"There's the blood, there it is, the blood..."

"Kurosaki-kun, do you want me to stay with you for a little while?" he looked over at the nurse.

"No"

"Do you need anything"

"No"

She sighed. "All right then," and bowed her way out.

Ichigo looked back at the ceiling, and another image flashed in his mind; a girl, an impossibly short girl, with shoulder-length black hair and amazingly violet eyes. She was wearing long black robes, with a sword sheathed at her side. "_Her_"

"Kurosaki-kun?" this was a voice he knew. It was Orihime. "Kurosaki-kun. You said she was here the other night. Was she really here?"

"She was here, I saw her, she was here"

"What did she say?"

For the first time in awhile, the fog in Ichigo's head seemed to clear a little. His eyes, usually wide in shock, closed slightly as he remembered her words. "Kurosaki-kun? What did she say?"

"She said it wasn't her fault...it wasn't her fault. She wanted me to stop saying it was"

"It wasn't her fault Kurosaki-kun," Orihime said in a low voice, "You know it wasn't. She gave you her powers so you could help people, remember? She didn't want to hurt you"

"All her fault..."

* * *

"_Your fault...all your fault..."_

Rukia sighed and shook her head as if shaking off a fly. Her head, however, didn't like being treated this way, and started spinning as soon as she stopped shaking it. "All right, I get it," she grumbled, grabbing her head, "Don't move that way, point taken"

"Hey, thought I'd find you up here," she looked around and saw Renji standing on the roof behind her (for that was where she was; on her division's roof). "How are you?"

"Fine," she muttered, looking back at the sun, which was starting to set. Renji, after a second, shuffled over and sat down next to her. He reached over and rested a hand on her forehead.

"Still have a fever"

"Not as bad though"

"You're lucky. You could have made yourself really sick"

"Don't preach me Renji"

"All right, all right," the crimson-haired Shinigami backed off quickly, "I'm just here to let you know what you missed at the meeting today. All right?"

"There was a meeting? Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"Figured we'd let you rest a little"

"Fine, what's the message, messenger?"

"Well...maybe you noticed this already, but there's a problem in the living world"

"Duly noted"

"Well yeah, you've been there twice in the last week, you _would _notice," Renji sighed, "You see, the thing is...someone is attempting to, well...pick up where Aizen left off"

"_What_?!" Rukia's head snapped around to stare at her child-hood friend. But before she could let loose a few choice swears to accompany her 'what' she doubled over coughing. Renji, after a second, rested an awkward hand on her back. "What do you mean 'pick up where Aizen left off'?" she finally managed to ask, though in a considerably quieter tone.

"I mean someone within Hueco Mundo is rallying the arrancar again, and sending hollows to the living world," Renji explained, "Don't ask who – that was the first question everyone asked – no one knows who, but with the increasing amount of activity within the real world – Karakura Town in particular – that's the only explanation there is, really"

"Karakura Town in particular..." Rukia repeated the ominous words, "What in the world could they target in Karakura Town?"

"You mean _besides_ the guy who killed Aizen and is, at the moment, residing in a mental hospital?" Renji gave Rukia a once-over, and she winced.

"Good...point"

"So now the question is...what do we do about that?" Rukia cocked an eyebrow at Renji, wincing; her head didn't like the expression that much.

"Well, someone's picking up where Aizen left off, I assume we do the smart, reasonable, partially safe choice"

"Which is..."

"Go to war"

Renji rolled his eyes, laughing. "If you say so. That's not what I meant though"

"What did you mean, then?"

"I meant what do we do about the guy in the mental hospital"

"Protect him like we would anyone else"

"Also not what I meant, Rukia"

"Then what did you..." Rukia's eyes widened in shock as she realized the meaning behind Renji's words. "No. No way. No"

"Rukia-"

"No, Renji, no!" she jumped up and nearly tumbled right off the roof; Renji grabbed her hand and yanked her back.

"Jesus Rukia, be careful-"

"If you think I can just go back there-"

"Everyone thought if maybe you tried to get through to him-"

"No!" Rukia shouted, ignoring the fact that her head was starting to hurt again, "I tried, Renji, I tried once, and you know what he said? He said that it was my fault, everything was my fault! If you think I'm going to waltz back and try again after that-"

"Rukia you know he isn't in his right mind-"

"Exactly!" Rukia closed her eyes for a second, trying to make her head stop spinning and gather her thoughts, "He's _not_ in his right mind, Renji, and you know why? Because I came along, and gave him my powers, and made him take on the kind of responsibilities no fifteen-year-old should have to deal with. I said right from the start that, in the aftermath, it was a mistake and I had ruined his life, and now he finally agrees with me about it! I can't very well just go to him now and expect him to forgive me for that, can I?"

Renji stood up and rested his hands on her shoulders, which were shaking, a fact she hadn't realized up until now. She looked down at the roof, avoiding Renji's gaze. "I can't," she whispered, closing her eyes, "I'll do anything to help, _except that_"

"All right then," Renji muttered, "Fine. No one's going to make you do anything you don't want to, Rukia-"

"It's not that I don't want to," she said quietly, "I'd give _anything_ to have him back to normal. It's that I _can't_ go back to him. There's nothing I can do to help"

"You don't-"

"Yes, Renji, I know that," she was beginning to feel light-headed, and allowed herself to sink into Renji's grip a little more.

"Hey, you okay?" he rested a hand on her forehead, and swore, "That's it. Come on, I'm bringing you home-"

"No, you're not," she protested at once, pulling away, "You're not my keeper Renji-"

"Well someone has to be, if you were left to yourself you'd be dead already-"

"Oh very funny, you're really amusing," she finally managed to yank her shoulders out of his grip, and sat down on the roof, her arms folded stubbornly.

"Jeez Rukia, what are you, two?"

"No, I think I'm a little older than two, Renji"

"Are you completely sure about that?" she twisted around and stuck her tongue out at her old friend, "Oh yeah, real mature Rukia"

"Ah shut up"

"Is that anyway to talk to your allies?"

"It's how I talk to you, I thought you were used to it by now"

"You're impossible"

"Thank you"

Renji huffed, annoyed, and sat down next to her. The sun was almost finished setting now. There was a last burst of fiery orange, and then it was gone. But even as the sky darkened, neither Rukia nor Renji made any move to get up. Finally, after trying to think of the best way to approach the question, Renji said in an uncertain voice, "Ah...Rukia?"

"Yeah, what is it?"

"Er...about what you um...said before. About, uh...you know..."

"Spit it out already Renji!"

"All right, all right, jeez. Did you mean what you said before? About Ichigo?"

She didn't have to ask what he meant by that. "I...I don't really know, Renji"

"How can you _not_ know whether or not you love someone Rukia?"

"It's complicated"

"How complicated can a simple yes or no answer be?"

"It's not all black-and-white like you make it sound Renji!" she snapped, looking over at him, "There's a lot to think about, a lot to consider-"

"Like what? Is there someone else?"

"No," she said at once, "Nothing like that. But think about it, if I really cared about him, would I have done to him what I did? Would I have...would I have..."

She let her voice drift off. Renji considered this for a second, then said, "You know something, Rukia? I think you're driving yourself more insane then you ever could have Kurosaki. Look at what you're doing to yourself, look at what you've put yourself through. You're killing yourself thinking about it. You have to stop. It's not healthy"

Rukia drew her legs up under her chin, rested her chin on her knees, and wrapped her arms tightly around her legs. "You're not listening to a word I'm saying, are you?"

"When do I ever?"

"Thanks a bunch, Rukia"

* * *

** Author's Note**: I think Renji and Rukia went a little OOC for awhile...I tried to bring them back in the end. How'd I do? You should really let me know /winks/ I'm aiming for this chapter to bring me up to 100 reviews, think we can do that? Sure we can, if you're really nice - Sam 


	8. Permanent Arrangements

**All In Your Head – VIII**

"They're sending us to the living world permanently?" Rukia asked wearily. She'd just started getting comfortable again, the last thing she wanted was to be put back in the living world. Especially if she was going to be in close range of a certain orange-haired man...

"Well, at least until the threat has been diminished," Hisagi shrugged, playing with the hilt of his Zanpakutou.

"Okay...and why us?"

"Well, you it's kind of an obvious reason," Hinamori started to explain, "You know, you're so used to the living world and everything...Matsumoto and Hisagi because they have experience in there, and me because...well, because I've been there the last few times we've gone and I know more or less what's going on"

"We'll be stationed in Karakura Town," Matsumoto picked up, "Out of Urahara-san's shop. It's the most convenient place, you see-"

Rukia had half a mind to say no when she heard 'Karakura Town'. But she knew protesting and complaining wouldn't get her anywhere, it never did. So she let it go, pouting only slightly. Hinamori saw the look and smiled in a cock-eyed way. "Something wrong, Kuchiki-san?"

"No, nothing," Rukia muttered, "Don't worry about it, Hinamori. When are we going?"

If she had a little time, maybe she'd be able to come up with a good excuse as to _why _she couldn't go. Health issues, prior engagements..._anything_...

"First thing in the morning," Rukia made a face, "Problem?"

"Nope. Nothing"

* * *

Uryu sighed impatiently as he watched the hollow disintegrate into the air. Either he had really lost his touch, or these were really strong hollows, but he could no longer kill them with one blow like he had once been able to. That kind of annoyed him. "What's with these hollows?" he muttered as he started to turn and go home, "And more to the point, where are the freakin' Shinigami when their jobs need to be done?"

He shoved his hands into his pockets (a very Kurosaki-like move, he noted disgustedly), and started to walk towards his house. The sun was just setting; he could hear Aiko and Souken squealing as they chased each other around the backyard. "Uryu?" Orihime called from the kitchen, "Is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me," he walked into the kitchen and saw Orihime at the stove. "Oh no, what are you cooking now?"

Her recipes were still, after all these years, the source of much fear and illness. And unfortunately, both Souken and Aiko had inherited their mother's taste in food. So Uryu had to deal with the food a _lot_.

"It's a surprise," she giggled as he wrapped his arms around her waist, "That was a pretty long walk, where'd you go?"

"Let's just say it was a good thing Aiko and Souken said they didn't want to go," Orihime's eyes widened in surprise as she twisted around to look at him.

"A hollow?"

"Yeah," Uryu made a face, "Something's not right, can you feel it? They're...different. I can't kill them with one blow like I was able to when I was younger. And I don't think I'm losing my touch either; something's going on"

"You don't think it has something to do with arrancar, do you?" he heard the note of fear in Orihime's voice, and understood at once.

"Don't worry. I won't let them hurt you," he drew her a little closer to him, and she rested her hands on his arms.

"I know you won't," she said with a smile. "I love you"

"I love you too," he rested his chin on top of her head, "And I'll protect you, I promise"

* * *

"Ah, gotta love the living world," Matsumoto said with a smile as she sliced through the mask of the last hollow, "Lots of stores and bars and hollows. Don't forget the hollows. They're the biggest part of any attraction"

"Ah shut it Matsumoto," Hisagi said, rolling his eyes, "Come on, let's head back to Urahara-san's for a little while"

"Am I _ever_ going to get to go shopping?"

"Hopefully not"

Hinamori giggled as she listened to Hisagi and Matsumoto. Rukia played absentmindedly with the hilt of her Zanpakutou. "I'm going to patrol a little more," she said finally, "I'm not really in the mood to go inside yet"

"Are you sure?" Hisagi asked sharply, "Do you want someone to go with you?"

"No, I'm okay," she used shunpo to get away before anymore questions could be asked.

As soon as he was sure she was gone, Hisagi turned to Hinamori and said, "Follow her"

"You don't think she'll do something dangerous, do you?"

"It's Kuchiki-san. I can honestly say I don't know _what_ she'll do," Hisagi shook his head, "That's why someone should follow her"

* * *

Rukia wasn't completely sure why she was going back to the hospital. But she was. It was funny, because she couldn't stand to be confined, but at the same time she felt like she needed to be there. So she made her way back.

When she got to Ichigo's room, she was relieved to find him in a deep sleep. Sighing, she sat down in a chair next to his bed, staring at his calm face. She rested her elbows on her legs and face in her hands. "Oh Ichigo," she muttered, closing her eyes, "What a mess. Not that I can complain, really, looking at you, here, but still...things haven't been all that easy for me either. In fact they've been just plain freaking screwed up. Someone's trying to finish what Aizen started, you know, with the arrancar and...well, everything. Soul Society doesn't know who it is or how to handle it...they want you to help, of course. You're still the first person anyone thinks of when trouble comes up. But you can't help, can you? You can't...and I'm not going to try and make you. Even though that's what they want. They want you to help. They want me to...I won't though. I'm not going to ask you to get mixed up in another Shinigami war. I could never...and I don't think you'd listen to me anyways. You hate me, don't you Ichigo? For doing this to you. You really hate me, don't you? I wouldn't blame you, if you did, you know. I'd probably deserve it. Do you think I deserve it?"

Rukia laughed bitterly. She couldn't help it. Here she was, sitting in a chair in a mental hospital, beside the bed in which the man she had a very strange relationship with, talking to him. And she expected an answer. Maybe _she _was the one who belonged in that bed. Made as much as sense as Ichigo being in it, anyway.

"Kuchiki-san?" her head snapped around and she saw Hinamori standing in the door to the room, looking concerned. "I thought you might come here," she walked over to where Rukia was sitting, "Are you okay?"

"What, did you follow me?" Rukia muttered, looking back at Ichigo. He was starting to stir. Rukia jumped up at once. "I shouldn't be here, I should..." she looked around, desperate for a reason to leave, any reason, "I have to go"

"Kuchiki-san, wait!" but Rukia was already gone.

"Who are you?" Momo looked back at Ichigo, who was staring at her, an odd look on his face. Momo bit her lip. Okay, Kuchiki-san was gone. What was she supposed to do? She didn't exactly know Ichigo personally, after all...

"Hello Kurosaki-kun," Momo bowed quickly, "I'm, um...Hinamori Momo. We met, briefly, back in Soul Society, remember?"

"Hinamori," his mouth formed the word as if he was testing it, "Hinamori"

"Yeah," Momo said uncomfortably, "It's a funny name, isn't it?"

"Is...is _she _here?" Momo blinked.

"She? You mean Kuchiki-san?"

"Blood, all the blood that was spilled. Trying to save her, fighting along side her...all the blood..." now Momo was _really_ confused.

"K-Kurosaki...kun..."

He looked over at her. "Hinamori"

"Yeah. That's me. Hinamori"

"Where is she?" Momo bit her lip. Kuchiki-san had never talked about what Kurosaki-kun was like; she'd been too afraid. So now Momo, of course, had no clue how to handle this.

"Kurosaki-kun, I don't know...who you're talking about"

"Her...her"

"Kuchiki-san?"

* * *

Orihime pulled at Aiko's arm and tried to push Souken's stroller. It was Saturday. Uryu was getting some work done at the office, and Aiko had been complaining about wanting to go out, so Orihime decided to take her and Souken downtown to go shopping. Aiko loved shopping.

"He never said her name though, it was weird-"

"How'd he seem? Ya know, was he lucid?"

"As lucid as a crazy person could be"

"_Hinamori_!"

Orihime looked up and saw three females walking just in front of her. She cocked her head curiously. If she didn't know better, she would have said that it was three certain Vice-Captain Shinigami...

"I didn't mean it like that, Kuchiki-san, I just meant, well...you know, he was as lucid as he could be"

"If Rukia-san hadn't left so fast than maybe we could have – oof!"

The tallest person in the group stumbled forward as Orihime – who hadn't been paying attention in her attempt to listen to the conversation – walked into her. "Oh no, I'm sorry!" Orihime groaned as Aiko said, "Mommy, are you okay?"

"Oh it's no problem, really – Orihime-san!"

Orihime rubbed her head and looked up. "Matsumoto-san?" looking around, she also saw Kuchiki-san and Hinamori-san. "What in the world are you doing here?"

"Well, Hisagi said if Matsumoto-san made him come, he'd kill himself," Hinamori-san explained, "But it's okay, we're having fun, right Kuchiki-san?"

"Speak for yourself, Hinamori," Kuchiki-san muttered, kicking at the ground and looking away from Orihime. The latter cocked her head curiously. Why was it, whenever she and Kuchiki-san were around each other, Kuchiki-san became so reluctant to be around?

"Well, I meant what are you doing in the living world, but..."

"Oh. We were assigned here. Maybe you've noticed, maybe you haven't, but things are changing-"

"Who were you talking about?" the question caught Matsumoto-san off-guard, obviously. She fidgeted and shifted her feet back and forth, looking over her shoulder at her fellows. But Kuchiki-san and Hinamori-san were both as thrown by the question as their friend was.

"What?"

"Before I bumped into you, I heard you talking. Who were you talking about?"

"Oh, ah..." Matsumoto-san's eyes dodged back and forth. She looked like a rat caught in a trap. "Captain Hitsugaya, you know, he and Hinamori are having...relational problems... we were just trying to figure out-"

"You were talking about Kurosaki-kun, weren't you?" Orihime could feel herself getting madder now. Aiko pulled at Orihime's hand.

"Mommy? Mommy, what's wrong?"

"Mommy!" Souken bounced in his seat.

"Kurosaki-kun? No, of course not," Hinamori-san looked around, desperate for a way out, "Kurosaki-kun, no, why would we talk about him...has anyone here even seen him? Kuchiki-san, Matsumoto-san, have you-"

"You've snuck in to see him, haven't you?" Orihime turned her glare on Kuchiki-san, "What have you been doing Kuchiki-san?"

She finally looked up at Orihime. Her normally sharp violet eyes were dull as they locked on to Orihime's angry black ones. "Nothing"

"He said you were there. You were, weren't you?"

"I wasn't-"

"You can't do that Kuchiki-san!" Orihime cut her off. She wasn't even sure where this was coming from. This sudden anger towards Kuchiki-san was definitely something new. "You can't just...sneak in, give him glimpses of you, you're hurting him more than your helping, don't you get that? He needs...he needs to be away from you now!"

Orihime-san, stop–"

"No," Kuchiki-san looked over at Matsumoto-san, "It's okay. It's okay, she's right. She's...I can't...I'm not..." she took a deep breath, and after a moment of trying to gather her thoughts so they made more sense, she said, "I'll stay away from him, I promise. She's right, I'm not helping him, I'll stay away. It makes more sense," she turned away, handing Hinamori-san the bag she was holding, "I'm not...feeling too good, I think I'll head back"

"Kuchiki-san!" but she had already walked away. As soon as she was gone, Matsumoto-san and Hinamori-san turned back to Orihime, looking upset. But it was okay; Orihime wasn't all that thrilled either. "Why'd you say that Orihime-san? You don't know what's been happening in Soul Society, you haven't seen her!"

"And you didn't see Kurosaki-kun after he came back from Hueco Mundo!" Orihime yelled back, "You didn't see how...how...how broken he was! If Kuchiki-san had stayed and tried to help him, maybe things would be better now, but she left! Left like a...a coward!"

"Don't talk about things you don't understand, Orihime-san," Matsumoto said coldly, turning away, "Maybe we didn't see Kurosaki-kun after he returned from Hueco Mundo, but _you_ didn't see Rukia-san when she returned to Soul Society. You shouldn't be passing judgment anymore than we should be"

She and Hinamori-san walked away without another word. Orihime glared after them. "Mommy?" Aiko pulled on her mother's hand, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah sweetie. I'm fine"

But she wasn't. Her adrenaline was still pumping. She was still trying to figure out _where _everything she'd said had come from. Hadn't she been saying before that Uryu was being unfair, blaming Kuchiki-san? So why did Orihime just turn around and do the exact same thing?

_It's different, _she tried to convince herself, _What Kuchiki-san is dong – sneaking in, seeing him for a few minutes then running out – is different. It'll hurt him more than help him. If she had just stayed before...everything would be different_

* * *

**Author's Note**: I know, I know, not much happened. I'm sorry. But I'm working up to something. Anyways, I've noticed hits and reviews are both going down - _a lot_ - so here's the deal; another update will not escape my computer until I can see a good, strong number of hits/reviews. My review limit's still gonna be fairly low, of course (120 this time around, if you'd be so kind), but still...if you have any suggestions/criticism about how to make my writing better, please let me know, I love advice. And obviously I can use it. One thing though; if you give advice, don't just make it "make the chapters longer". Those kind of reviews really bug me...all right, I'll stop babbling, review! - Sam 


	9. Broken Promises

**Author's Note: **Wow, I _never _do these in the beginning XD But I wanted to say, before anyone starts reading, thank _you_ to everyone who gave me advice after the last chapter! Most of you said the same thing: it's kind of dragging. That's the other reason I'm writing this. 'Cause I wanted to say something _is _going to happen soon (well, if you call five or six chapters soon; think it's five). You see, I like dragging things out and being generally annoying, just to get people to say things like "speed it up!" I basically like building up to things. Yes, I know, I'm evil XP all right, read on then!

* * *

**All In Your Head – IX**

Momo frowned as she looked in on Kuchiki-san, who was – to Momo's surprise – fast asleep. "She said before we left that she felt better"

They'd heard, through Renji-kun, that Kuchiki-san had been feeling sick a couple of days before they were due to leave for the living world. But the morning they had left she had insisted she felt completely fine, and no one had questioned her on it. "She was probably just using it as a set-up to get away," Matsumoto said, swishing the sake around in her glass (she'd gotten her hands on a bottle of Urahara's), "Don't worry about it Momo-san"

"If it was just an act, then why is she asleep now?" Momo protested. Matsumoto shrugged.

"She was up late last night"

"And after a day of shopping with you two I'm surprised she's still breathing," Hisagi said with a smirk, taking a swig of his own drink. Matsumoto slapped him lightly over the head. Momo scowled slightly and slid the door to Kuchiki-san's room open all the way. She looked down at the sleeping Shinigami, and noticed she looked slightly red; concerned, she reached out to touch a hand to her forehead, but pulled back when Kuchiki-san stirred.

"Mmm, Ichi...go..." Momo's eyes widened in surprise. Realizing that this was a dream she probably shouldn't disturb, and _certianly _didn't want to know about – _ever – _she moved away and left the room.

"So how is she?" Matsumoto asked when Momo came out again. Momo blinked.

"What? Oh, fine. I guess"

* * *

Ichigo wandered down the hall. He'd felt restless, just standing around in his room, and needed to get out for a little bit. Orihime was walking close behind him. There was something wrong, he could tell. She was acting weird. True, she was talking like she usually did (a lot), but there was something different about it, at the same time. It was as if she were talking just for the sake of talking, to keep him distracted. But something was wrong. "So, Kurosaki-kun, what's new with you?" Orihime said suddenly, ""Have you seen uh..._her_ lately?"

Ichigo blinked, trying to think of the best way to answer that question. "Hinamori," he said finally, looking around.

"You saw Hinamori-san? She was here? When?" Orihime sounded alarmed.

"Two nights ago. She was here. I thought someone else was there, but she was alone"

"Hinamori-san," Orihime said quietly, "But why would she come here? She barely knew – barely knows you, why would she come?"

Ichigo just kind of shrugged. "Kurosaki-kun, let's go back to your room," Orihime said finally, "You should rest for a little while"

But Ichigo wanted to keep walking. And he did. He moved aimlessly through the halls, his amber eyes dodging up and down, looking for something that obviously wasn't there. He wasn't even sure _what _hewas looking for, he just knew he wanted it. He wanted it a lot. So instead of listening to Orihime, like he probably should have, he continued to walk.

"Kurosaki-kun? What's wrong? What aren't you telling me?"

"There's nothing to tell," he said in a dead voice. And he continued to walk, not caring whether or not Orihime followed.

* * *

"Another one bites the dust," Hisagi said with a smirk as the last hollow disintegrated into the air. It was late. Matsumoto and Hisagi had been sparring outside, with Hinamori and Rukia as an audience, when they were ambushed by about five hollows.

"I've never seen hollows attack in groups like that," Matsumoto said conversationally as she ran the blade of her Zanpakutou over the grass, "Very odd"

"Well, they're dust now," Hisagi said unconcernedly, "So are we gonna finish this or not?"

"Oh, right. Let's go then," they went back to their fight. Hinamori and Rukia took their places up on a branch in a tree, watching the fight interestedly. Rukia leaned her head against the trunk of the tree, eyes closed. Her head was spinning. She could tell her fever had come back, but she had yet to tell the others about that. They'd have made her stay down, and that wasn't what she wanted.

"Kuchiki-san?" her eyes jolted open and she looked over at Hinamori, who was staring at her oddly. "Are you okay? You don't look so good..."

"I'm fine!" Rukia said quickly, not quite noticing how loud she was. Hisagi and Matsumoto forgot about the sparring and looked over in surprise. "I mean," she lowered her voice at once, "I didn't mean to yell, but...I'm fine, really"

"Are you sure? The other day you said-"

"I felt kind of dizzy," she supplied quickly, not willing to admit that she was still sick, "But I'm fine now, don't worry, really"

"Okay," but it was obvious she were still worried.

"Ow! Hey...watch where you aim that thing woman, I'd like to be intact in the end!"

"Oh like you ever use that for anything anyways"

"And just what is that supposed to mean?!"

Hinamori giggled, and even Rukia managed a smile. Before she could say anything though, a beeping noise interrupted her, and she pulled out her Soul Pager. "Another one?" she grumbled, "Where...uh oh. Um, Hinamori?"

"Yes Kuchiki-san?"

"Move!" they both dove out of the tree just as it was uprooted by a very big, very mean looking hollow. Hisagi and Matsumoto looked around and saw it, and their eyes widened in shock. "That's a big one," Rukia muttered, unsheathing her Zanpakutou. Hinamori followed suit, and they both dove in to attack. One of the hollow's giant arms swung around to meet them, and threw them backwards.

"Momo-san, Rukia-san, you two okay?" Matsumoto called as Hisagi moved to attack as well. Rukia and Hinamori pulled themselves up, feeling slightly dazed.

"Never better," Rukia called weakly, rubbing the back of her head. Her body seemed to throb with each breath she took. That didn't make sense; she hadn't been hit_ that _hard.

"Kuchiki-san, come on!" Hinamori yanked at Rukia's arm, pulling her out of the way of another attack, "Are you sure you're okay, maybe you should sit out-"

"I'm fine," Rukia protested, biting back a cough, "Don't worry about me Hinamori, worry about yourself"

They flew at the hollow at the same time, past Hisagi who was being thrown back. Rukia used shunpo to dodge another attack and appeared again right in front of the hollow. She had a clear shot at the mask, but before she could take the opening, one of the hollow's giant fists closed over her body, leaving only her head visible. Rukia coughed, struggling to get out of it's grip. "Rukia-san!" she heard Matsumoto yell. Rukia fought against the hollow, which simply squeezed harder.

"Let...me...go!"

There was a flash of silver, then red blood poured out of a wound on the hollow's arm. Roaring, the hollow lost it's grip on Rukia, who tumbled to the earth. Surprised by the sudden release, Rukia didn't have time to regain her senses and hit the ground hard. "Kuchiki-san!" Hinamori was at her side in a moment, helping her up. "Are you all right?"

"Y-Yeah," Rukia managed to gasp, shrugging off Hinamori's helping hands, "I'm okay"

"I'm gonna go help Hisagi," Matsumoto said, standing up, "Momo-san, stay with Rukia-san, all right?"

"No I-"

"You're not fighting," was all Matsumoto said before taking off. Rukia fumed angrily. Hinamori tried to put on a calm face.

"Come on," she helped the Thirteenth Division Vice-Captain stand, "Let's get out of here, I don't think you're okay at all Kuchiki-san–"

"Duck!" Rukia yanked Hinamori down as a fist swung at them; it missed Rukia, barely, but caught Hinamori, throwing her backwards. She hit the ground with a painful sounding _thud_. Rukia's eyes wdiened in shock. "Hinamori!"

"I don't like this," Matsumoto called to Hisagi, "This is a lot stronger than any of the other ones we've seen here, something's wrong"

"No kidding something's wrong!" Hisagi called back, "We'll worry about that later though, right now we worry about killing it"

He ducked out of the way of another attack, and swung his Zanpakutou down at the arm that tried to grab him, leaving a considerably sized cut that poured blood. It stomped around angrily, and Rukia was right in it's path. She tried to push herself up, stumbling back slightly. Her head was spinning, not something she enjoyed. "Rukia-san, look out!"

There was a blur of black as Hinamori appeared in front of her suddenly, slicing through the hollow's mask. The hollow roared as it disintegrated into the night sky. Rukia pushed herself up, shaking, and distantly heard someone calling, "Kuchiki-san? Kuchiki-san, are you okay?"

She closed her eyes and brought a hand to her forehead. She felt as if she were on fire. "Kuchiki-san!"

She vaguely felt her body hit the ground. And then everything went black.

* * *

Momo frowned as she watched Urahara-san lay a damp cloth on Kuchiki-san's forehead. "Pretty stupid, really," Hisagi spoke at last, "She knew she was sick, she had to know. Why'd she insist on fighting anyways?"

"Because that's how she is," Matsumoto-san said, "She could be on her death-bed and she'd still want to fight"

Momo giggled and said, "Urahara-san, is she going to be okay?"

"She'll be fine," Urahara-san said, straightening up, "I'd say her fever spiked right after the fight and that's why she collapsed. But she should be fine, with a little rest"

"Thanks a lot," Matsumoto-san called to Urahara-san as he left. Momo looked down at Rukia's face, noting at once how pale she looked, and yet at the same time she was flushed. It gave her a very odd look.

"We should all get some rest," Hisagi said, standing up, "It's been a long night, after all"

"Right," Matsumoto followed suit, "Momo-san, come on"

Momo sighed and stood up, looking over her shoulder at Kuchiki-san one more time before they left, closing the door behind them. "She'll be all right," Matsumoto-san said with a smile, "Rukia-san's a tough one. Stubborn, but tough"

* * *

Orihime sighed as she watched Kurosaki-kun. He was wandering around his room, looking lost. The past few days, ever since he said he'd seen Hinamori-san, he'd been restless, wanted to get out more, get around. Orihime was waiting to find out whether or not it was okay to take him for a walk around the grounds. It was really nice outside, with trees and flowers, and a couple of those swing things that two or three people could sit in and swing. Plus it was a nice day, it was really warm and the sun was shining and everything. It was nice. And Ichigo hadn't been outside since he'd been committed, and that was just over fifteen years ago.

"Ishida-san?" Orihime looked around and saw Saukia-san, another one of the nurses, standing in the door to Kurosaki-kun's room, "They said it's okay if you bring Kurosaki-kun out for a little while, but not too long, about an hour maybe"

"That's great!" Orihime smiled, "Did you hear that Kurosaki-kun, we're going out for a little bit. Sound good?"

Ichigo looked over at Orihime. "Going out?"

"Yeah, out," Orihime put on a smile, "You said you wanted to go out, remember? Go out for a walk, around the grounds, you know? Do you still want to?"

He nodded, and they made their way outside. There were a few other people out as well, though not many. All the swings were occupied, Orihime noted sadly. She was kind of hoping she'd be able to get Kurosaki-kun to sit down for a little bit (he had been wandering around his room and up and down the hall all morning, he had to have been a little tired). But instead they made their way around the building once, twice...

"Kurosaki-kun, you've been so active lately," Orihime said finally, "What's up?"

His answer was lost, though, as something slammed into her. It was surge of spiritual pressure. "Oh no," she whispered, looking around, "Oh no, oh no, oh really no"

There wasn't a hollow in sight. But that didn't mean anything, of course. She raised a hand up to the side of her head, making sure she was wearing her hair clips. She was. Wherever the hollow was, she was sure it was after Kurosaki-kun, and that meant he couldn't be around anyone else. But on the other hand, she'd get into a lot of trouble for taking him away from the hospital...

A loud _bang_ echoed through the air. Several people screamed loudly, and a squid-like hollow crashed through trees, floating about a foot off the ground. "Not good," Orihime whispered, "Santenkesshun I reject!"

An orange shield formed in front of her and Kurosaki-kun just as the hollow attacked. It's tentacle bounced harmlessly off the shield. "Kurosaki-kun, get inside, now!"

"A hollow," he was saying distantly, "It's a hollow, it hurts, it kills...it spilled blood, her blood..."

He was gone. Orihime sighed and looked back at the hollow. "Kotenzanshun I reject!"

A small, missile-like projectile shot off at the hollow, slicing through one of it's many tentacles. "Kurosaki-kun, get out of here!"

One of the swings had been destroyed. Kurosaki-kun grabbed a pole from it and dove at the hollow with a war-like cry, hitting every part he could reach. "No!" Orihime called after him, "Wait! Tsubaki, go for the mask!"

Tsubaki changed course and shot off at the hollow face. Another tentacle swung down to meet Tsubaki and threw him away. "Tsubaki, no!"

A third tentacle swung out at Kurosaki-kun, who was still attacking the hollow with a pole. With a grunt he was thrown backwards. "Kurosaki-kun!"

The hollow turned to Orihime, who tensed, ready to fight. But before she could do anything, there was a blur of black and a flash of silver. The hollow roared as three of it's tentacles fell off, and three black-robed figures appeared in front of Orihime. "Matsumoto-san, Hinamori-san, Hisagi-san!"

"Shinigami?" the hollow questioned, "This oughtta make things a lot more interesting"

Orihime blinked as she watched the Shinigami. Where, she wondered, was Kuchiki-san?

Still harboring the thought, she rushed over to Kurosaki-kun, who was stirring wearily. "Kurosaki-kun, are you okay?" she kneeled down next to him, "You shouldn't have done that, attacking a hollow with a pole..."

"I attacked one with a baseball bat once," he muttered as Orihime pulled him up. She decided she didn't want to know.

"Orihime-san!" Hinamori-san was next to her in a minute, "You and Kurosaki-kun have to get out of here, now"

"Right, we're going," Orihime yanked Kurosaki-kun's arm, "Where's-"

"Look out!" another tentacle flew at the suddenly, knocking Orihime and Hinamori-san away, and grabbing Kurosaki-kun, pulling him into the air.

"Kurosaki-kun!"

* * *

Rukia stirred wearily and her eyes opened slowly. Sunlight was pouring in the window near her bed. She squinted and raised a hand to her cover her eyes as she sat up. Her head hurt terribly, and she could tell she still had a fever.

A beeping noise drew her attention and she looked around. Her Soul Pager was going off. She reached over and gathered it up at once, flipping it open. Where, where, where was the hollow...

Her eyes widened in shock and surprise. Damn. That was bad. Very, very bad. She jumped out of bed at once, ignoring the fact that the world was tilting nastily under her feet.

* * *

"Dammit!" Hisagi swore furiously as the hollow blocked another blow. It still had a hold on Kurosaki-kun, who was struggling against the hollow's grip.

"Hang on Kurosaki-kun!" Orihime called, desperately trying to come up with an idea. Before she could do anything else though, there was a flash of silver, and the tentacle holding Kurosaki-kun was sliced away, sending Kurosaki-kun spiraling to the ground. "Kurosaki-kun!" Orihime ran over to him at once, kneeling down next to him, "Are you okay?"

"What..." he looked up just over Orihime's head, and his eyes widened in shock. "_Rukia_"

Orihime looked around. Sure enough, Kuchiki-san was standing behind her, Zanpakutou out. "K-Kuchiki...san..."

"And another one," the hollow sounded amused, "Well then, let's see what you can-"

Kuchiki-san disappeared from view, and reappeared a second later in front of the hollow. She sliced neatly through the hollow's mask, and it roared as it dissipated into the air. Orihime watched Kuchiki-san, her eyes wide with shock. "Sorry, Orihime-san," she muttered, sheathing her Zanpakutou, "I couldn't stay away though...couldn't keep my promise..."

Her voice drifted off as her knees buckled and she hit the ground. "Kuchiki-san!" Orihime and Kurosaki-kun both jumped up at once, but Hinamori-san, Matsumoto-san, and Hisagi-san were faster; they were at her side at once, and Hinamori-san was kneeling down beside her

"Kuchiki-san, what are you doing here?" she said quietly, "You're still sick-"

"No, I'm fine," she tried to push Hinamori-san's hand away from her forehead. She didn't exactly succeed though.

"You're not fine!"

"I'm confused, what's going on?" Orihime broke in finally. Kurosaki-kun was simply staring at Kuchiki-san as if he had never seen anything quite like her.

"Nothing," Kuchiki-san muttered, pushing herself up, "It's nothing. Come on. Let's just go"

"I'll stay and do some damage control," Matsumoto-san said. Hinamori-san, Hisagi-san, and Kuchiki-san nodded before using their shunpo to leave. "So," Matsumoto-san turned back to Orihime, "How is...he?" she nodded to Kurosaki-kun, who was looking around, not taking anything in anymore.

"He's okay...I think," Orihime sighed, "Kurosaki-kun, are you okay?"

He blinked and looked back at her. "Where'd she go?"

"She?" Matsumoto-san repeated.

"Kuchiki-san," Orihime explained, "He never...never..."

Her eyes widened in shock as she realized something. When Kuchiki-san had come, Kurosaki-kun had said 'Rukia'. It was the first time he had said her name in fifteen years. "Orihime-san? Something wrong?"

Orihime blinked, "No. Nothing. It's just...he doesn't usually say her name, is all. But today he...I mean, just now, when he saw her...he said it. He said, 'Rukia'"

Matsumoto-san cocked her head at Kurosaki-kun, who was still lookingaround as if he expected Kuchiki-san to just pop out of thin air. "What brought on the change?"

"I can honestly say I don't know," Orihime frowned, "Kurosaki-kun? Kurosaki-kun, look at me," he obliged, "Kurosaki-kun, you said her name. You said 'Rukia'. Can you say it again?"

But he just continued to stare. Matsumoto-san frowned. "Well that's just - oh damn," she looked around as people began coming out of the hospital, "I forgot, I'm supposed to be doing damage control. Here-" she reached into her pocket and pulled out a small box, "Memory modifier. I don't know exactly what memory it'll give them, but..." she handed it to Orihime, who took it hesitantly.

"Thanks," she said, looking at the small box in her hands, "Oh, Matsumoto-san?"

"Yeah?"

"When you see Kuchiki-san, tell her..." Orihime sighed, "Tell her she didn't break any promises"

* * *

Author's Note: Yup. Trying to remember what happens next chapter. Failing terribly. Something about Karin and Rukia...I don't actually know. Sad, huh? Anyways...not really sure what I want for this chapter...it'd be nice if this brought me up to 150, but at the same time, I don't really expect it. So yeah. Review! - Sam 


	10. Visiting Hours

**All In Your Head – X**

Rukia and Hinamori exchanged weary looks as they watched Matsumoto and Hisagi drink themselves into submission. It had been a long night in the way of patrolling, and everyone was tired. When they'd stopped outside a bar, after getting their Gigais, Matsumoto and Hisagi had been unable to resist the temptation to go in. Hinamori and Rukia, knowing they'd have to help their friends get home without getting killed, had followed, though in a weary way.

"Why do we put up with this?" Rukia muttered to Hinamori, who giggled.

"I guess because they're our friends and we respect them"

"I'd respect a comfortable bed right now," Rukia dropped her head into her hands, sighing. Hinamori's face crumpled into a look of concern

"Are you feeling okay?" Rukia lifted her head up at once and put on a smile.

"Yeah, of course, I feel fine," she assured the fifth squad vice-captain, "Absolutely fine, I've never been better actually. Just exhausted"

"Last night was a long night, wasn't it?" Hinamori asked, sipping at her soda (both she and Rukia looked too young to buy alcohol), "The last few nights have been that way, really-"

"Well, considering I spent the last three nights practically strapped down to my bed," Rukia grumbled, "I wouldn't know, would I?"

After the fight at the institution, Hinamori, Matsumoto, and Hisagi had flat-out refused to let Rukia leave her room until they were convinced she was one hundred percent better. They didn't need her collapsing in the middle of another fight, they'd said. It had driven Rukia up a wall, being confined to her small room in the back of Urahara's shop. But she hadn't had much of a choice in the matter. "It was for your own good," Hinamori interrupted Rukia's thoughts, "You could have made yourself really sick if we'd let you keep fighting, you know-"

"Yeah, yeah," Rukia gave Hinamori a good natured smile to let her know she was kidding, "Anyways, I-"

"You have no taste Hisagi!" Matsumoto cried suddenly, brandishing her empty glass.

"_I_ have no taste?" Hisagi shot back, "Look at you, all dressed up in your...your flower prints! You shouldn't talk about me!"

"That's it!" Hinamori and Rukia declared at the same time, swiping Hisagi's and Matsumoto's glasses away from them, "You're done!"

Hisagi and Matsumoto exchanged looks, and both started laughing. "We're being cut off!" Matsumoto cooed, "And what's worse, we're being cut off by people_ younger_ than us!"

"Well someone has to take charge," Rukia grumbled, standing up, "Come on, we're going back-"

"You're not in charge, Kuchiki," Hisagi scoffed, "We wouldn't be dumb enough to put someone like _you_ in charge-"

"And just what does that mean?" Rukia threatened, clenching her fists. Hinamori jumped up, ready to hold Rukia back.

"Kuchiki-san, don't forget...he's drunk..."

"I_mean_," Hisagi went on as if Hinamori hadn't spoken, "That we wouldn't want someone like you in charge, you're too much trouble!"

Rukia was dangerously close to losing her temper. "What do you mean_too much trouble_?"

"I mean a person like you could never be in charge!" Hisagi looked ashamed at her stupidness, "Someone who involves herself in something for too long, let's her personal feelings get in the way, it's pathetic. And before you know it, you end up hurting everyone more than you help-"

Rukia snapped. She dove forward, intent on hitting every part of Hisagi she could lay her fists on. "Kuchiki-san, _no_!" Hinamori grabbed her and dragged her away, "Don't-"

Everyone in the bar was watching now. "Hey, hey!" the bartender called over the counter, "If you're going to be starting fights here I want you all out, got that?!"

Rukia pulled herself out of Hinamori's grip and stormed out, fuming. She was so busy being angry, she didn't even notice someone walking by as she walked out. She didn't notice, anyway, until she walked into said person. "Ow..." a voice muttered, "Sorry I...what the...Rukia-chan?"

Rukia rubbed the back of her head and looked around, only to find herself facing...Kurosaki Karin. "Karin-chan, I...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to walk into you," she scrambled up and reached out a hand to help Karin up. Karin took it hesitantly.

"What are you doing here?" she asked harshly. Rukia winced; she had to admit, she hadn't expected anything less, but it still hurt.

"I, well...I'm here on an assignment," she muttered lamely, not meeting Karin's eyes.

"And you're in a bar...why? You don't even look old enough to drink"

"I wasn't drinking, " Rukia muttered, "Two of my friends went in and, well...it's a long story, I'm sure you're not interested in it. I'd better go"

"Hang on!" Karin grabbed Rukia as she turned to walk away and pulled her back, "You've been gone for fifteen years, how about giving me more than fifteen seconds?"

Rukia made a face and looked back at Ichigo's younger sister. Karin looked determined. "It's...I mean...you don't need me around-"

"Leave it up to me to decide what I need," Karin scowled, "Have you at least gone to see Ichi-nii?"

"Orihime-san told me off for going to see him," Rukia informed Karin, "And even if she hadn't, I wouldn't go back after my last visit – it's painfully obvious he doesn't need me around"

"You're making a lot of decisions for people that aren't you, ya know," Karin said angrily, "How about letting people decide for themselves-"

"He doesn't need me," Rukia cut Karin off, suddenly upset, "I heard him, the night it happened and the last time I went to visit. He still blames me, and I don't blame him for it. It'll all be better if I just disappear from his life all together"

"You don't get to do that!" Karin yelled, "You don't get to make a mess then leave before you pick it up! Stick around and start cleaning a little instead of running away!"

Rukia resisted the urge to hit Karin; unlike Hisagi, who was dead drunk, Karin's mind was clear, and she was a tough little thing. "I didn't run away to avoid finishing what I started," she said in a barely controlled voice, "I did it because-"

"Because it was for the better, I know!" Karin raged, "You just don't get it, do you Rukia-chan? You don't get that it's not up to you and you alone to decide what's 'for the better'. You're taking all the responsibility of decision-making on yourself, and you don't take anyone else's opinion into consideration. How can you do that? How can you just _decide_ that only you know what's best?"

Rukia bit her lip. She hadn't heard such a good point in a long time. Before she could come up with something to counter the point, though, the door to the bar opened, and Hinamori left, looking a little disgusted. "Oh," she froze when she saw Karin and Rukia glaring at each other. "Kuchiki-san, what's going on?" she looked over at Karin, "Who are you?"

"Kurosaki Karin," she said in a cold voice, "What's it to you?"

"Kurosaki?" Hinamori asked in surprise, "Is she related to-"

"Come on, Hinamori," Rukia cut her off, "Let's get out of here, if Matsumoto and Hisagi aren't coming-"

"Am I related to who?" Karin prompted, "Ichi-nii, right? Do you know him? Are you one of _them_?"

Rukia scowled heavily. "Yeah, she's a Shinigami," she informed Karin before grabbing a baffled Hinamori by the arm, "Come on"

"Um, nice to meet you!" the squad five vice-captain called over her shoulder to Karin as they turned a corner down another street, "Kuchiki-san, I'm confused. What's going on?"

"Don't ask Hinamori; I'm not really sure I know anymore"

* * *

"Ichi-nii?" Karin looked into her brother's room, and recieved a shock; Yuzu was already there. "Yuzu, what are you doing here?"

"Just visiting," Yuzu said quietly, "He's asleep though, so I'm just kind of sitting here. Orihime-san said he's on a lot of drugs right now, he was...rough, last night, tried to hurt someone"

"Ichi-nii hurt someone?" Karin said in a disbelieving voice.

"Almost," Yuzu corrected, "I wonder why-"

"Probably because of _her_," Karin muttered, drawing up a chair next to Yuzu and sitting down. The latter looked around, wide-eyed.

"Rukia-nee? She's...she's _here_?" Karin nodded grimly.

"I saw her today. She's, well...she hasn't changed much"

"What do you mean?"

"She's still stubborn, unagreeable, completely set in her own ways-"

"Maybe she isn't the only one that hasn't changed," Yuzu suggested, grinning slyly. Karin scowled.

"Yuzu, you didn't hear her," she informed her twin, "The way she was talking, she was making decisions for everyone, acting like she knew what was best-"

"Maybe it_ was_ best, in her mind," Yuzu said softly, "Maybe in her head, through all the grief and sadness and guilt, the decisions she made all those years ago really _were_ the best, to her"

Karin made a face. She hadn't thought about it like that. But before she could say anything, a groaning noise drew her attention; Ichi-nii was waking up. Both Karin and Yuzu jumped up at once, ready to run for a nurse incase something went wrong. "Ichi-nii?" Yuzu said tentatively. His amber eyes opened slowly.

"Where...where..."

"He's on drugs, don't forget," Yuzu whispered, "He probably can't form a full sentence..."

"Where...she?"

"Rukia-nee," Yuzu muttered, "Ichi-nii, she's-"

"Forget about her," Karin cut in, "You should just-"

And that was when Karin realized he was strapped to the bed. He began thrashing around angrily, trying to break the restraints. "I'll go and get Orihime-san," Yuzu said at once, whirling around and running out. Karin watched her brother in a morbid fascination. And at that moment, she hated Kuchiki Rukia more than anything else in the world

* * *

"Ah...how much longer is she gonna give me the silent treatment, do you think?" Hisagi asked as Kuchiki-san stormed out of the room without so much as looking in his direction. Momo made a face

"Well, Hisagi-san, you said some pretty mean things-"

"Can a man be held responsible for what he says when he's drunk?" as if this was a reminder of said drunkness, he winced and raised a hand to his head. Matsumoto smirked and inched a cup closer to him.

"Sure-fire hangover cure, if only you weren't so stubborn-"

"Aw shut up," Hisagi muttered, grabbing the glass and downing the contents in one-shot. He began coughing instantly. "What the hell is in this, Matsumoto?!"

"It's a secret!"

Momo laughed as she watched them, but part of her still felt a voice nagging in the back of her head. Kuchiki-san was obviously upset, and it was over more than what Hisagi had said. But she just couldn't figure out what was going on.

"Momo-san, what's up?"

"I'm not really sure anymore, Matsumoto-san"

* * *

"I'm um...here to see Kurosaki Ichigo," Rukia had been to see Ichigo many times before. But never in her Gigai during the day. _That_ was a new one. The nurse at the receptionist desk looked up in surprise. "Um...is there a problem?"

"Oh, no!" the nurse said at once, standing up, "It's just...I know all of Kurosaki-kun's visitors, and well...you're a new face. What's your name?"

"Kuchiki Rukia," Rukia muttered, not meeting the nurse's eyes.

"I see. I'm Tenkaya Mai. Nice to meet you," she walked around the desk, "Here, I'll bring you to Kurosaki-kun's room..."

Rukia followed along, knowing it would look suspicious if she said, "I know where it is"

"So how do you know Kurosaki-kun?" Tenkaya-san said as they walked down the hall to the elevator.

"School friend," Rukia said, "I moved about a year before he...you know"

"I see," Tenkaya-san nodded, "He's a pleasure to have around, really. On his good days anyway. On days like this he's kind of...well, not bad to have around, but he's difficult. We've actually had to restrain him"

Rukia frowned. "Restrain him?"

"Yeah, ever since that day..." Tenkaya-san frowned, "Ever since the day a, um...you're going to think I'm crazy for saying this, but a pink elephant in a tutu came crashing through the east wing - God, I sound like _I_ belong in one of those beds..."

Rukia tried not to laugh. Matsumoto had given Orihime-san a memory modifier for everyone who saw the hollow attack. A pink elephant was a new one though. "But anyways!" Tenkaya-san moved on quickly, "Ever since that day, he's been so much more...I dunno, aggresive," she held out her left arm, and Rukia saw long scratches, "Yesterday I tried to give him his medicine, but he was...out of control. Kept yelling something about blood and hollows and...this is the weirdest thing, he always screams, no matter what, '_it's her fault, it's her fault_'. I don't suppose you know who he might be talking about when he screams that, do you? No one else seems to"

Rukia shook her head, swallowing hard. "No. I don't know. I'm sorry"

"Ah well...oh look, we're here!" Rukia was surprised; she hadn't even noticed they were climbing stairs, "Sorry, elevator's under construction...anyways, I have to get back to the desk, he's the fifth door on the left. It was nice to meet you Kuchiki-san, bye!"

Rukia gave the eager nurse a wave before starting down the hall. She looked into Ichigo's room and saw, to her great surprise, Orihime-san, Karin-chan, and Yuzu-chan talking in low voices to each other; Ichigo was sleeping. Rukia tried to back out without being noticed, but...

"Kuchiki-san," Orihime looked around at her. Rukia froze. Yuzu and Karin looked around as well, and a smile spread over Yuzu's face.

"Rukia-nee!" Rukia couldn't help but smile a little at that.

"Hi, Yuzu-chan. Um, I don't wanna get in the way, I'd better go-"

"No, don't go," Yuzu said at once. She darted forward, grabbed Rukia's hand, and pulled her into the room. "He...He'd be happy. If he knew you were here"

"No, he wouldn't," Rukia said, "I shouldn't have come, I'm sorry-"

"Well now you can't leave," Yuzu pulled Rukia over next to Karin, who sent the Shinigami a death glare, but Rukia took no notice. She looked down at Ichigo, who was indeed strapped to his bed. He looked peaceful now, but Rukia could only imagine what was going through his mind even as he slept. And there was nothing she could do to help. She hated herself. She hated herself a _lot_.

"Kuchiki-san?" Orihime-san was watching Rukia weirdly, "Are you...okay?"

"No," Rukia muttered, clenching her fist, "No, I'm not. At all"

"Like you care," Karin muttered audibly. For some reason that set Rukia off completely. The feelings that she had held in for so long finally bubbled over, and she completely snapped right there.

"What do you know?" she shouted at Ichigo's little sister, "You don't know what the last fifteen years have been like for me, all you've seen is what's going on here! And I'll admit, you've had it rougher than I have, but you don't have to live with what I have. You don't have to listen to _his_ voice in your head whenever you're alone, you don't have to revisit that night whenever you close your eyes, you don't have to live with the guilt every second of the day! Maybe you haven't realized it by now, _Karin_, but I care quite a bit. I care enough to come here practically everyday and spend hours sitting here, just watching him sleep, I care enough to know that I _am_ the reason he's like this, and if you ever think otherwise, than I doubt there's anything more I can say to convince you, so why waste my breath?!"

And with that she whirled around and ran out, leaving Karin, Yuzu, and Orihime to exchange shocked looks.

* * *

Author's Note: I'm trying to remember...I think there's IchiRuki in the next chapter...but I don't remember...and it's kind of bugging me. Guess I'll go back and look. You know what you could do while I look? You could review. Reviews are a great motivation to make me update -Sam 


	11. Guilt

**All In Your Head – XI**

Rukia sighed as she sipped at her coffee. She was sitting alone in a coffee shop, avoiding anyone at all costs. After the scene at the hospital...people were the last thing she felt like dealing with. She would have taken a hollow attack over dealing with people. Hell, she would have taken an _arrancar_ attack over dealing with people.

Okay. Maybe the latter was a little extreme. But she _really_ didn't want to deal with anyone at the moment.

Rukia downed the rest of her coffee and stood up to leave. She knew eventually she was going to have to face the others, and even though it wasn't one of her greatest ambitions, she had resigned herself to the fact, and left the coffee shop, intent on going back to Urahara's. She was surprised to find, however, that the sun had already set. Surprised, but pleased. This meant she could go patrolling and put off going back to Urahara's just a little while longer. Smiling slightly, she got out of her Gigai and began jumping from rooftop to rooftop, her eyes scanning the ground, looking for both hollows and her companions. The latter was something she was still eager to avoid.

She dug out her Soul Pager and flipped it open, her eyes scanning the small screen. There wasn't even the smallest life of a hollow. "When I want a busy night I don't get one," she grumbled under her breath, "When I want things to be slow, there's a freakin' torrent of hollows. I just can't win!"

She continued to grumble under her breath as she jumped from roof to roof then landed lightly on the sidewalk. Her hand played over the hilt of her Zanpakutou as she walked along. Headlights from cars zoomed past her any every now and then, illuminating the otherwise dark street for seconds at a time. The streetlights over head flickered from time to time, plunging the sidewalk into momentary darkness. Rukia closed her eyes for a moment, taking in the fresh night air. For the first time in awhile she felt completely and totally relaxed. Her body, which had been so stiff for so long, relaxed considerably, and for the first time there weren't voices ringing in her head, blaming her, accusing her, driving her completely insane. For the first time years, it felt nice to be alone.

Right as she thought that, however, a beeping noise cut in. Rukia grumbled under her breath as she pulled out her Soul Pager. Right as she was enjoying the quiet time, things got busy. How freaking typical. Sighing, she took off in the direction the hollow signal was originating from. All good things just _had_ to come to end.

* * *

"Kurosaki-kun?" Ichigo stirred drowsily and looked around. Orihime-san was standing in the door to his room. It took a second for things to register; his mind was moving unbelievably slow, and he couldn't for the life of him figure out why. "Kurosaki-kun, can you hear me?"

"Mhm," he muttered through his mostly closed lips.

"Um...I'm going home. Do you need anything?"

"Mmh"

"Uh...okay. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" she gave him an awkward wave before leaving. Ichigo shifted his eyesight back to the ceiling. The pure whiteness of it, however, burned his eyes, and he closed them at once. He regretted that action, however

_Images began flashing in his mind, images of monsters and claws and people and blood. Lots and lots of blood. Flashes of silver swept through the air, stained by red. Screams rented the already disturbed space around them, war cries and yells of pain. And still more blood..._

Ichigo's eyes snapped open. His mouth was open, he was yelling. Yelling and thrashing around. And no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop.

* * *

Rukia moved quickly and quietly through the still night air. Her only thoughts were of finding this hollow and getting rid of it, then maybe salvaging a bit of her night for some more peace. But because it was Rukia, and because things never worked out the way they were supposed to, something went wrong.

"Well you certainly don't look like much," Rukia commented as she dropped from the sky in front of the hollow. It was pale green, it's skeleton-like mask dominating most of it's body. It didn't have any legs, but floated about a foot off the ground. Instead of arms it had tentacles around it's body. "In and out and on with life," she unsheathed her Zanpakutou and dove forward. A tentacle swung to meet her and threw her back.

"Ah, a Shinigami," it said in a high, almost whiny voice, "This oughtta be interesting. You're so full of guilt..."

"What the-" Rukia straightened up, intent on asking what the hell the hollow was talking about. But before she could, the tip of another tentacle met her forehead, and white light filled her vision. "What are you doing?!" she yelled, surprised by this sudden blindness. Before she could do anything though, the light died away. Rukia blinked a couple times. "What was that..." her voice died in her throat when she saw who was standing in front of her. "O-Orihime-san?"

The dark-orange haired woman was standing where the hollow had been just moments before. "What in the...what are you doing here?"

"It's all your fault," the words chilled Rukia, "It's all your fault, Kuchiki-san"

"What...what are you-"

"If Kurosaki-kun had never met you, he'd be okay today, wouldn't he Kuchiki-san?" Rukia's heart almost stopped. This was way too weird. What in the world was going on? And just _how _had Orihime ended up _here_?

"I-I don't..."

"Don't you, Kuchiki-san?" Orihime-san cut her off, "Don't you understand? It's just like what everyone's been saying all along. All your fault, Kuchiki-san. All your fault"

"I don't know what you're...stop, Orihime-san," Rukia half spoke and half begged, "Just...stop"

"Why should I, Kuchiki-san?" her voice sounded cold, not at all like the Orihime Rukia knew, "Why should I stop? You know it's true"

Rukia squeezed her eyes tightly shut, wishing she could cover her ears. "All your fault, Kuchiki-san..."

"Stop it!" Rukia's eyes snapped open. She was shaking now. Orihime-san was gone. "What the...what's going on..."

"All your fault, Rukia-chan," she whirled around. Kurosaki Karin was standing behind her. Rukia's mouth went dry.

"Karin-chan..."

"You changed Ichi-nii," Karin said, "You changed him. Before you came he was...different. He's hurt now, because of you. You dragged him into this thing, and now he's hurt. It's all your fault Rukia-chan"

"I didn't...I didn't change him!" Rukia protested desperately, "I didn't! He changed on his own, I had nothing to do with it, I swear-"

"You hurt him, Rukia-chan. You hurt him so much..."

"I didn't, no!" Rukia bit her lip, trying to hold back tears. She closed her eyes tightly and looked away. "I didn't...I didn't hurt...I didn't mean to, I didn't want him to get hurt, I didn't want this!"

"But it happened," Karin cut her off coldly, "It happened. Because of you, it happened. All your fault, Rukia-chan. It's all your fault. You could have stopped it, couldn't you? You let it happen, but you could have stopped it. It's all your fault"

"Shut up!" Rukia jerked her Zanpakutou upward, but Karin disappeared before her eyes. Shaking now, Rukia lowered her Zanpakutou again. Tears were pushing to get out, but she blinked them back. She couldn't make heads or tails of what was going on.

" All your fault, Kuchiki Rukia," Rukia's eyes widened in shock, and this time her heart _did_ stop. There was no way, _no way in hell_, that she had just heard that voice. It couldn't be. It _couldn't_ be.

It couldn't be, because it was _her_

Slowly, very slowly, Rukia turned around one more time. And found herself looking into her own violet eyes. "Am I really that short?" she asked in general, trying to distract herself from the thoughts that had just entered her head, "Okay. I've had enough. Who are you?"

"Who do you think I am?" her double said, "I'm_you_, of course. Your mind, your thoughts...everything you fear, every bit of guilt you've ever felt. I'm all that, and so, _so_ much more"

Rukia didn't like where this was going. "I-I'm seeing things. I have to be. Please, tell me I'm seeing things. Please"

"All your fault," her own voice bounced around in her head, "That's what you think, isn't it? _'Poor Ichigo. If I'd never gone near him, never jumped into his window, then he'd be all right now, he'd be normal'_. Everyday you think that. And you're right. It's all you, all on you, it's all your fault. If you had just stayed away, left him alone. All your fault, Kuchiki Rukia. It's _all your fault_"

"No, it isn't," Rukia took a step backwards, tears stinging at her eyes, "You're lying, stop lying, it isn't my _FAULT_!" her voice rose hysterically with each word, until she sounded almost crazy.

"Oh but it is," it was her voice, but at the same time, _not_ her voice. There was a strange tone to it, as if something was strangling her, "It's all your fault. If you had just left him alone, if you had left him to have his own life, he'd be fine now. He'd be fine, and normal, and not hurt at all. It's your fault, Kuchiki Rukia. Your fault"

Rukia's Zanpakutou slipped from between her fingers as her hands flew up and grabbed the side of her head, covering her ears. She squeezed her eyes tight shut. "Shut up, _shut up_!" she screamed. Her double just laughed.

"Your fault, all your fault"

"_SHUT UP_!"

And – amazingly enough – the voice stopped. Rukia, not sure what to make of that, opened her eyes a quarter of an inch. She was no longer staring at herself. Now she was looking into the deep amber eyes of...Kurosaki Ichigo. More specifically, Kurosaki Ichigo in his Shinigami form, with Zangetsu strapped to his back. "I-Ichi..." she gasped, "Ichi...go..."

She wasn't sure how much more of this she could possibly take. "It's all your fault, Rukia," he said, looking down at her, "It's all your fault. You dragged me into this fight, you made me do this, shed blood, hurt others, all in the name of what, exactly? What was it all for, Rukia? Did you know what would happen? Did you?"

"Stop," Rukia couldn't keep a few tears from slipping down her cheeks. This was worse than listening to herself speak. She knew she blamed herself every day of the week. But part of her had hoped Ichigo wouldn't. Apparently that had been too much to wish for, though. Her hands automatically reached up to grab her head; her eyes were closed again, and she could feel tears slipping down her cheeks.

"You knew when you got me involved in this, didn't you?" he kept going. "You knew, when everything was said and done, you knew I wouldn't come out the same person I was. How could I? After everything I had seen, how could I go back to being who I was? You knew what would happen, you had to. Why did you get me into this? Why did you have to come at all?"

"You wanted it," Rukia's voice was so low even she could barely hear it, "You wanted it, you told me to give it to you-"

"I didn't know what would happen. But you did. It's all your fault"

"Stop it, stop it, please, just stop. Make it stop, please. Just...make it stop..."

"Well, okay; but only because you insisted," Rukia's eyes flew open in surprise, and her breath died in her throat as Zangetsu was thrust through the middle of her chest. "Don't worry. It'll all be over soon"

* * *

Ichigo strained against the straps holding him to the bed. He had to go, he had to go, people were in danger, he had to help...

"Let me go!" he screamed, "Let me go!"

"Looks like you're in a bit of a bind, eh Kurosaki-san?" his eyes widened in shock and he forgot to yell as he looked over at the person standing next to the bed. It was Urahara Kisuke. He was swinging his cane around carelessly.

"Urahara-san?"

"Do you need a hand?" the tricky salesman asked, holding his cane still and holding it out so that the end was right between Ichigo's eyes; the orange-haired man went cross-eyed staring at the end; there was an evil-looking skull there. "Do you wanna get out, maybe kick some hollows around?"

"Get me the hell out of here"

"Maybe if you ask nicely I will"

* * *

Momo sighed and dropped her head on the table. They were at Urahara's shop. Matsumoto had found another bottle of sake (how many did this guy have?) and now she and Hisagi were having a drinking contest. "Ridiculous," Momo muttered, slipping her Soul Pager out of her pocket. She was surprised to see there was a hollow signal. Hisagi and Matsumoto were too loud, they'd drowned out the beeping. "Uh, Hisagi-kun, Matsumoto-san–"

Momo stopped at once. There was no point, they were too far gone. Sighing, she stood up and started outside. "Momo-san!" Matsumoto protested, "Where you goin'?"

She muttered something about 'fresh air' before taking off into the night._ I wonder where Kuchiki-san is,_ she thought suddenly, _I haven't seen her...I hope she's okay_

* * *

Time stood still. For a moment, Rukia was sure everything had frozen. But then Zangetsu was pulled out of her chest. And time sped up again.

She dropped to her knees then fell forward, her face buried in the grass. She could feel the warm blood pooling beneath her. _Her_ blood. "No..." she gasped, her voice cracking.

"This is what you wanted," Ichigo said in a cruel voice, "You wanted it to end, and now it will. Soon, very soon, you'll be dead"

She tilted her head up just enough to glare at the orange-haired Shinigami, her eyes barely open. Even now she could feel her life leaving her, everything was going black. Death. It would be a welcome, a release...

A war-like cry split through the night air, and a new figure joined the fight. Somehow, someway, it was Ichigo, the_ real _Ichigo, with the_ real_ Zangetsu drawn. His double had enough time to say, "How did-" before Ichigo swung Zangetsu around and chopped his doppleganger's head off. The imitation Ichigo screamed as he dissolved into the night air.

"Ichi..." what little strength Rukia had left her body, and her head fell forward again. "I don't want to die," she muttered as the darkness began to consume her, "Please..._I don't want to die_..."

* * *

Momo darted through the streets, already in her Shinigami form. Every now and then she used shunpo to bring herself a little closer to where she could feel Kuchiki-san.

Correction, where she had_ felt_ Kuchiki-san. Her reiatsu had diminished greatly, Momo could barely sense it now. And that could only mean one thing; Kuchiki-san was dying.

Shaking the unbidden thoughts from her mind, Momo used shunpo again. "Don't die Kuchiki-san," she muttered desperately, "Please don't die, we need you. _Kurosaki-kun_ needs you. Live for him, Kuchiki-san"

* * *

A small, weak voice reached Ichigo's ears. He couldn't hear what the voice was saying, exactly, but he could hear it. He whirled around. She was lying on the ground, her face in the grass. There was a pool of blood underneath her, a large one. Ichigo's stomach turned. "Oh God," he muttered, dropping to his knees. He pulled her into his arms. Her eyes were closed, "Wake up. Wake up! You're not dead, you can't be, you can't die, you never die-"

"No, that's you," she said in a weak voice, her eyes opening slightly, "You're the one that never dies. I'm the one that waits to be rescued"

Without warning her hand flew up and grabbed the front of his robes, a hiss of pain escaping her lips, and she twisted in his grip. "Damn," Ichigo whispered, reaching up one of his own hands and taking the one she was using to hold his robes, "Please, don't...don't..."

A small, very small smile pulled at her lips as her violet eyes met his amber ones. It broke barely a second later, though, when a coughing fit overtook her body. Her head slipped to the side and blood from her lips, splattering against the ground.

Ichigo's mind was racing. He had to do something, he knew he had to, there was so much blood, too much blood. Who could he ask for help? Who could heal this?

A sharp intake of breath from the girl in his arms from him back to reality. "Ichigo..."

Hearing his name juiced him slightly, and he looked up into her face again. Her eyes were closing. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice barely there, "I am so...so sorry. For everything"

The hand gripping his robes, the one he was holding, went limp as her eyes closed. Ichigo's own eyes widened in shock. "No, no!" he screamed, "No – Rukia!"

* * *

**Author's Note: **In case you didn't pick it up, the hollow absorbed Rukia's memories and took on the form of all the people that blame Rukia most for what happened; Orihime, Karin, Ichigo, and – ironically enough – Rukia herself. Guess what they say about you being your own worst enemy is the real truth. And now, for the moment of truth - will I kill Rukia? The answer is - whoops, look at the time, gotta go! But if you'd be so kind as to get my review number to 200 (my current goal for the entire story is 250) that'd be a great reason to update sooner so you can find out whether or not Rukia's dead. All righty? Review! - Sam 


	12. Recovery

**All In Your Head – XII**

It was late. Too late for Orihime to be out. But she was anyway. Uryu had been suspicious when she had all of a sudden declared that she was going for a walk. But she couldn't help it. Something was wrong, she could tell. She just didn't know what it was. Hence the reason for going out by herself instead of asking Uryu to go for her. "Orihime-san!" a voice cut through Orihime's thoughts, and she looked around; Hinamori Momo was running towards her. She skidded to a halt in front of Orihime and doubled over, breathing hard. "I never realized...how far it was from Urahara's to here..."

"Hinamori-san, what's wrong?" Orihime noted that the vice-captain was in her Shinigami form.

"Have you seen Kuchiki-san?" the question took Orihime by surprise.

"N-No, not recently. I mean, I saw her this morning, but I haven't since, why?"

Hinamori bit her lip. "I haven't seen her either, I could sense her reiatsu, though, up until a few minutes ago. Now I can barely find that, and I'm worried. Plus I can feel another, much more powerful reiatsu near where she was before, so I don't...well, like I said, I'm worried. She's not answering her Soul Pager, which really isn't like her, and the way she's been lately, I can't say I know she won't do anything rash, because that's exactly what she'd do-"

Orihime raised a finger to her lips to quiet Hinamori. "Listen. Do you hear that?"

There was a faint sound of yelling. It sounded as if it were coming from a couple streets over. And it sounded almost like...

"Kurosaki-kun!" Orihime took off past Hinamori and down the street. The bewildered Shinigami followed.

"Wait a second Orihime-san!" she kept pace quite easily, of course. Orihime could tell by the sound of her voice was she was terribly confused.

"That's Kurosaki-kun's voice, I know it is!" Orihime said as they ran, "And if he's there, Kuchiki-san can't be too far behind, right? That's how it always used to work!"

"I dunno, I mean..." Hinamori sounded desperately confused.

They ran in silence for a little while longer, it took too much work to run and talk at the same time. Instead they focused their energies on just going faster. They went up and down three streets before finally running into a terrifying scene.

Kurosaki-kun was sitting in the middle of the sidewalk, covered in blood. He was cradling Kuchiki-san in his arms. Her eyes were closed, and as far as either woman could tell, she wasn't breathing. "Oh God!" Hinamori gasped, her hands flying to her mouth. She and Orihime ran over to the other two at once.

"Kurosaki-kun," she dropped to her knees next to the distressed-looking man, obviously horrified, and said in a trembling voice, "Kurosaki-kun, what happened? Never-mind, forget it. Put Kuchiki-san down, I'll try and help her"

Kurosaki-kun, however, just pulled Kuchiki-san's limp form closer to him. "Kurosaki-kun!"

Normally Orihime was very patient. But it had been a long, tiring day, and patience wasn't something Orihime was full of at the moment. And if she didn't do something soon – really soon – Kuchiki-san was going to die. She didn't have _time _to be patient."Kurosaki-kun, put her down, come on, please!"

"Here," Hinamori knelt down next to Orihime, reached out, and pried Kuchiki-san carefully from Kurosaki-kun's strong arms. He looked extremely upset by this, but Hinamori broke in before he could protest. And she said, "It's okay, Orihime-san is going to help her. You _are_, right?" she added, shooting Orihime a suddenly suspicious look.

"Of course," Orihime held her hands out over Kuchiki-san's limp body and muttered, "Santenkesshun I reject"

A bright orange shield formed over the Shinigami. Hinamori shifted slightly, never taking her eyes off Kuchiki-san, but moved so that she was closer to Kurosaki-kun, and rested a hand on his shoulder. The latter was watching Kuchiki-san as intently as Hinamori was. "Orihime-san?" but she shook her head, focusing all her energy into healing the injured Death God.

No one moved for a good five minutes, they barely even breathed. They were too busy watching Orihime work her powers, waiting for a sign of life from Kuchiki-san. But there was nothing. No little movements, nothing.

Finally, right when everyone's nerves were stretched to the breaking point, a breath, one struggling breath fought it's way through Kuchiki-san's body. Overcome, a coughing fit took over, racking the Shinigami's small body. Startled, Orihime allowed the bubble to fade away, and she and Hinamori quickly bent down and pulled Kuchiki-san into a sitting position, allowing her lungs to expand fully. After a minute she stopped, though her eyes never opened. Kurosaki-kun hesitated, then reached out and took one of pale hands in his own, larger one, his eyes wide. "She's..."

"She'll live," Orihime said quietly, "But she's...that was a bad wound, Kurosaki-kun. I'm surprised I could heal it as well as I did," she reached oa hand over and ran it over the place where the wound had been. The skin was still extremely tender. Any sudden movements on Kuchiki-san's part could have opened it again. "I don't think we should move her too far. Certainly not to Urahara's shop"

"Where else can she go?"

Orihime hesitated. Uryu wouldn't like this...

"There's a guest-room at my house," she said quietly, "Kuchiki-san could...stay there until she wakes up"

"Could she?" Hinamori sounded extremely grateful, "Thank you so much Orihime-san, I know you, well...don't really...I mean, not that you don't like her or anything, but I know you're kind of...mad at her..."

"It's fine," Orihime said, cutting through Hinamori's babbling, "I just...need someone to carry her, she's too heavy for me..."

"I will," Kurosaki-kun spoke at last. His voice sounded dead. Without waiting for an answer, he took the raven-haired Shinigami into his arms and stood up. After a minute, Orihime and Hinamori stood up as well, and Orihime led the way back to her house. She was surprised to find that it was dark. "Uryu can't have put the kids to bed already..." she said distantly as she let herself in.

"Where are we putting her?" Hinamori looked around, "Oh, and nice house"

"Thank you," Orihime smiled slightly, "There's a room off the kitchen. It's small, but there's a bed in there you can lay her in"

Hinamori nodded and led Kurosaki-kun away. Orihime went into the living room, and found a note on the table: _Brought Aiko and Souken out for ice cream, be back soon_. Orihime would have to kill him later; ice cream this late would lead to nothing but badness. "Orihime-san?" she looked around; Hinamori was peaking out from the kitchen, "Um...what should we do Kurosaki-kun?"

Orihime hadn't thought about that. "Well, I, uh..."

"I was gonna say I could bring him back," Hinamori continued, "I know where his room is – never-mind, long story. Anyways, if you want I can bring him back, I don't have anywhere to be so it's not really a big deal..."

"Could you?" Orihime was grateful, "Thank you so much Hinamori-san, really-"

"No problem," Hinamori said at once, "Just take care of Kuchiki-san, all right?"

"Of course," and with that Hinamori and Kurosaki-kun were gone. Orihime sighed and put Uryu's note back on the table. He wouldn't be at all happy...

* * *

"Kurosaki-kun, stop it," Momo grabbed Kurosaki-kun and pulled him off the street as a car sped by, "If you get hit while I'm taking care of you Orihime-san will kill me"

"Kill?" he looked alarmed by the idea.

"I mean...she'll be mad. Not kill, never kill," Momo tried to make up for the slip. Kurosaki-kun looked a little more assured. "How did you get out of your body?" Momo asked after a minute. Kurosaki-kun made a face.

"Urahara-san came"

"Of course," Momo scowled slightly. Urahara-san was always getting involved where he didn't belong. Typical. "All right," they'd arrived at the hospital, "Kurosaki-kun-" it seemed weird to be issuing this warning, "Don't tell anyone about tonight, okay?"

He nodded and said, "What about her? Will she be okay"

Kuchiki-san, of course. "Yeah. She'll be just fine"

* * *

"I wish you would have told me," Uryu was upset all right. But not for the reason Orihime had assumed he would be. "I would have gone-"

"The hollow was gone by the time I got there," Orihime said in a quiet voice (they were in their room, which was right next to Aiko's, who was currently asleep, as she and Souken had knocked out in the car on the way home), "I didn't fight at all. No fighting on my part. But it's a good thing I went, if I hadn't Kuchiki-san would have..."

Orihime shuddered at the thought. Uryu scowled slightly, but didn't say anything more about the Shinigami who was still out cold in the guest room downstairs. "As long as you're not hurt," he said finally. Orihime smiled.

"Of course I'm not. I_do_ wish I knew how Kurosaki-kun got out of his body though..."

"Probably Urahara-san," Uryu said, laying back on his pillow and reaching up to turn off the lamp, "Sounds like something he would do"

"It does, doesn't it?" Orihime smiled and laid down as the light went out. She snuggled closer to Uryu, still smiling, "We'll figure it out in the morning, I guess. Good night Uryu. I love you"

"Love you too"

* * *

"Bye-bye Mommy!" Aiko kissed Orihime on the cheek before darting outside to her bus.

"Have a good day!" Orihime called after her daughter. Souken pulled on his mother's hand.

"Kiss, kiss!" he squealed, bouncing on the balls of his feet. Orihime laughed as she stooped down and gathered him up in her arms, kissing him on the forehead.

"Have a good day at daycare, all right?" he nodded eagerly, then squirmed to get down so he could hold his father's hand. Uryu smiled faintly as he took the younger boy's small hand and led him to the door.

"See you tonight!" he called as he closed the door. Orihime smiled brightly and began gathering up the breakfast dishes. It was her day off, and as much as she hated to admit it, she was glad. After last night she needed some time to herself.

Thinking about last night made Orihime look over at the closed door, behind which Kuchiki-san was still sleeping. As far as Orihime knew, the Shinigami hadn't woken up once, which concerned Orihime slightly. Carefully, she walked over and opened the door. She just wanted to check and make sure Kuchiki-san was still okay. That was all.

The first thing she noticed was that Kuchiki-san was still – thankfully – breathing. After a moment though, Orihime noticed that Kuchiki-san's face was contorted in her sleep, almost as if she were in pain. After a moment's hesitation, Orihime stepped into the room a little more, closer to the bed. Kuchiki-san was squirming under the covers, her breathing quick and uneven. Orihime knew this look well; she could tell the Death God was having a nightmare. "Wonder what Shinigami dream about?" Orihime asked no one in particular, "I mean, they're death, what's scarier than that?"

"Mmm," a low groan brought Orihime out of her reverie. She looked down at Kuchiki-san sadly, wondering now more than ever what was going through the girl's mind. She barely heard someone walk up behind her.

"It's Kurosaki-kun," Orihime jumped and looked around. Hinamori Momo was leaning against the door-frame, looking somehow younger in her Gigai, though Orihime wasn't sure how that was possible.

"W-What?"

"Sorry about barging in like this," Hinamori changed track for a minute, "I rang the doorbell but you didn't answer..."

"Yeah, it's broken," Orihime made a face, "I keep meaning to put up a sign saying to knock...ah, whatever. What'd you say before?"

"You were wondering what she was dreaming about, right?" Hinamori nodded at Kuchiki-san, "It's Kurosaki-kun. Kiyone-san told me once that Kuchiki-san fell asleep in her office, and she was muttering in her sleep. She only said one thing though: Ichigo. Over and over, Ichigo. I think that's what she always dreams about. It's...Ichigo"

Orihime made a face. "But...I don't understand. Why?"

"It's like we said before, Orihime-san," Hinamori said, "You haven't seen Kuchiki-san, these last fifteen years. She's lived with the guilt of what happened to Kurosaki-kun, lived with knowing it's her fault. And it's killed her. I know things have been rough on this end. Terrible, even. But I doubt it can be any worse than what Kuchiki-san's been going through. Or what she's been putting herself through, at any rate"

Orihime had never thought about it like that. She'd always, in a way, listened to what Kursosaki Karin and Uryu said about Kuchiki-san just not caring. It was easier to hate her than feel sorry for her, considering everything that had happened. But listening to what Hinamori said made Orihime feel terrible. And remembering what Kuchiki-san had said yesterday at the hospital just made Orihime feel worse. Everything was so confusing. Orihime just wished everything would go back to normal already. Back to when things were simple. But she didn't see that happeningi anytime soon.

* * *

"_All your fault, it's all your fault..." different voices all chanting the same thing bounced around, slamming into Rukia like they were rocks. She was standing in a dark room. She had no clue where the exit was, but she wanted to get out, to get away from these voices. "All your fault..."_

_"It isn't!" Rukia cried desperately, "Stop it, don't, I didn't mean for this to happen-"_

"_But it did," and out of nowhere, three people appeared in front of her; Ishida Orihime, Kurosaki Karin, and Kurosaki Ichigo. "It _did_happen. And it's all your fault"  
_

"_No, it isn't, please, stop," Rukia shrank away from the figures, wishing she could just run. But where would she run to? It was the same everywhere she looked, people blaming her, hating her for what had happened. All her fault..._

" Just stop_!" she whirled around and found herself facing a fourth person; herself. She reeled back. This was getting too weird. "What _are_you-"_

"_All your fault," her double said stepping towards her and walking in slow circles, "All your fault, the blood on his hands, the blood of the innocent that was spilled in the line of fire, all of it. It's all your fault, Kuchiki Rukia. But you know that already, don't you?"_

_"Shut up," Rukia whispered, her fists clenched, her eyes wide, "Shut up, just shut up!"_

"_The truth hurts, does it? Does it hurt to know how many lives you destroyed?"_

"_I didn't...I didn't..."_

_"It's all your fault," everyones' voices joined in now, "All your fault. You destroyed him, you destroyed everybody, it's all your fault..."_

"No!" Rukia's eyes snapped open and she shot up, breathing hard. A terrible pain ran through her chest and she doubled over, wincing.

"Kuchiki-san!" two panicked voices yelped at the same time. Slowly she straightened up and found herself facing Orihime-san and Hinamori, who both looked scared.

"Are you okay?" Orihime asked after a second, "You don't look too good-"

"No, I'm fine," Rukia said, shaking her head to try and rid herself of the nightmare, "It's nothing, really..."

Hinamori and Orihime-san exchanged looks, then the latter said, "You know what, I think I'll go make some tea. Tea sounds good, right?"

"Actually-" Rukia was about to tell Orihime-san not to bother making any for her, but the woman had already shuffled out.

"So what were you dreaming about?" Hinamori asked when Orihime-san was gone.

"It was-"

"Don't say 'nothing'," Rukia looked down at her hands, which were gripping the bed tightly. She should have known this would happen. After a minute she said, realizing that she was going to sound completely insane, "Have you ever heard of a hollow that has the power to change it's form into something more... human-like?"

"Can't say I have," Hinamori looked puzzled, "Why, is that what the hollow you fought did?"

"No," Rukia said at once, "I mean, yes. I mean...kind of"

"Spit it out already, Kuchiki-san. What happened?"

"It's confusing," Hinamori gave Rukia an encouraging look however, so she continued, "It – the hollow, I mean – it...did something. Read my mind or something like that. It had tentacles, and one of them touched me, and then there was the light and when it faded...Orihime-san was there. She said...some things, and then she disappeared, and then Ichigo's sister Karin appeared and...it was weird. It was really weird, I've never heard of a hollow that's able to do that"

"Who else?" Hinamori pushed, obviously realizing that Rukia was holding back, "Who else did the hollow change into?"

"Two other people," Rukia muttered, "One of them – it's past strange, but one of them was, well... it was me"

"_You_?"

"It's bizarre, I know"

"Who was the other?"

"The other was...Ichigo," Hinamori blinked, "Like I said, it's odd. But it was Ichigo. That's how I ended up hurt, he had Ichigo's Zanpakutou, or a copy of it anyway-" she cut off when she saw the look on Hinamori's face, "What?"

"Well, Kuchiki-san," the fifth squad vice-captain shuffled nervously, "It's just, I wouldn't expect _you _of all people to hesitate against a copy of someone, especially when you know it was a copy..."

But Hinamori's words were lost within the torrent of memories that had sprung up in Rukia's mind.

"_All your fault..."_

"_You changed Ichi-nii-"_

"_You hurt him..."_

"_Did you know what would happen?"_

"_Make it stop..."_

"Kuchiki-san!" Rukia jumped as Hinamori shook her shoulders roughly. She shook her head, trying to clear her fogged mind.

"Sorry Hinamori. I didn't mean to space like that"

"It's okay," Hinamori looked concerned now, "Kuchiki-san, look, I-"

"Hinamori, please, I don't want to talk about it, all right?" Rukia cut Hinamori off harshly, "Just...drop it, okay?"

Hinamori looked reluctant, but gave in. "All right, Kuchiki-san. But if you want to talk about it, I'll listen, I promise"

Rukia nodded. But talking was the last thing she felt like doing. Before either Shinigami could say anything more, Orihime walked back in, a tray of tea cups teetering in her hands. Rukia sighed and gave Hinamori a look that clearly said, 'Don't say anything else'. She wanted a day where she could forget about everything. She figured she might as well make it _this _day. Tomorrow...she'd start trying to clean up her mess. As soon as she figured out where it had started.

* * *

Author's Note: Hmn...so...review? It would really make my day... - Sam 


	13. Talking It Out

**All In Your Head – XIII**

"Ah, Kuchiki-san!" the young nurse that had been on duty the last time Rukia had come to call during the day, Tenkaya-san, was sitting behind the desk in the entrance hall, "Hello again! I was beginning to wonder if you were going to come back. How are you?"

"Not bad," Rukia didn't like lying. But Tenkaya-san didn't need to know all the details, "How – How's Ichigo?"

"Actually, he's surprisingly well," Tenkaya-san said, "It's amazing, really. But about two days ago...it was like his head completely cleared out. It's so weird..."

Two days. That was how long it had been since the hollow attack. "Well, can I see him?" Rukia said after a minute.

"Oh, of course! Do you remember where his room is? If you don't, I don't mind walking up with you," but Rukia assured the nurse that she remembered how to get there, and went on her way. "Oh, the elevator's fixed!" Tenkaya-san called to the Shinigami. Rukia was kind of grateful for that. She wasn't in the mood to do a lot of walking.

_**-:-:-:-Flashback-:-:-:-**_

"_Kuchiki-san, I think you should go and visit Kurosaki-kun," Rukia, who had been about to leave – after thanking Orihime several times for helping her – looked around in surprise._

"_Wait...what do you..._what_?"_

"_I think you should go and visit Kurosaki-kun again," there was no mistaking it this time. Orihime had definitely just told Rukia to go see Ichigo._

"_But you...you said..."_

"_I never noticed before," Orihime sounded embarrassed, "He _needs_ you, Kuchiki-san. More than he needs me, or Uryu, or Kurosaki-san or...Kurosaki-san–" Rukia assumed Orihime meant Ichigo's sisters, "He needs you. You're the only one that can help him. Don't ask how I know, I just do. You can get to him in a way we can't"_

"_Orihime-san, he hates me"_

"_No, he doesn't"_

"_Orihime-san, don't" Rukia's voice was bordering on pleading. It was pathetic, but she couldn't help it. She couldn't face Ichigo again. "I can't...I don't think you understand...and I can't make you...but please. Renji and I have already had this conversation, I am _not_ the one who can get through to Ichigo-"_

"_You_are_, Kuchiki-san," Orihime protested, "What I said before...I was wrong. Maybe by staying away you're protecting him...but you're not helping him. This is reality. And reality includes facing things you don't want to deal with, Kuchiki-san. He needs you. And right now...right now, I think you need him too"_

_Rukia didn't have much to say to that. "Something's happening, isn't it?" Orihime went on, "I don't know all the details, of course, but I know something's happening. It's something with the arrancar, isn't it?"_

_Rukia felt as if her throat had closed up. So she just nodded. "Nobody in this world or Soul Society is strong enough to fight them. No one except Ichigo. The world needs him too. But that's beside the point. Kuchiki-san, please, just try and talk to him. You have no idea...it might do him a lot of good"_

_Rukia looked away, trying to push back the tears, "I...I can't, Orihime-san. I told you, you wouldn't understand"_

"_Then make me understand"_

"_I don't think I can," Rukia whispered, wrapping her arms around her slim body, "Orihime, I've had his voice in my head for the last fifteen years. I don't need to hear it in real life too"_

"_That's why you need to go, Kuchiki-san. It's for him _and_ for you. Please, at least think about it"  
_

_Rukia didn't answer. Orihime grabbed the Shinigami's arm and pulled her forward. "Kuchiki-san, think about it. _Please_"_

_**-:-:-:-End Flashback-:-:-:-**_

So Rukia had thought. And thought. And she had thought some more. She thought until the thoughts drove her into a drinking session with Matsumoto and Hisagi. And even after that – when she had recovered from the hangover – she thought. She had thought until finally all the thoughts came to one, incredibly annoying conclusion: she _had_ to go and see Ichigo.

"Ichigo?" she suddenly felt like a scared little girl as she looked around the door into the orange-haired man's room. He was sleeping. Understandable. It was still quite early. Ichigo had always been a bit of a late sleeper. Some things never changed, she supposed. "Oh, you're not awake, I should probably-"

But as she turned to leave, she found herself face to face with...Orihime. "I didn't think you'd really come"

"He's not awake, I should-"

But Orihime snapped. She grabbed Rukia by the shoulders, and pushed her inside Ichigo's room. "Just talk to him Kuchiki-san, whether he's awake or not. I'll make sure no one bothers you, don't worry. But just _talk to him_"

And she left. Rukia shifted nervously from foot to foot. Finally, she sat down in the chair next to Ichigo's bed. She stared at him for a minute. "Hey...Ichigo. What's up?"

And then she lost it. Not even knowing where the words were coming from, she began talking. "I don't know what to do Ichigo. Everything's completely screwed up right now, there's just too much going on. The arrancar are mobilizing, hollows are attacking more and more, innocent people are getting hurt. And in the middle of it all, you're the only thing I can think about. I see you in my head, every night, every day, I see you, I hear you, I hear how broken you sound, see how terrified you look, I hear you screaming, about the blood, about the fighting...about me. It's my fault. That's what you're always saying. And it's true, I know it is. But God Ichigo, what am I supposed to do? What was I supposed to do before? You wanted the power, you took it, you wanted to save your family, you didn't care what the price was! I knew there would be consequences, but I didn't know this would happen, if I had...I don't know what I would have done. But even though I know it's my fault...I can't take it anymore! I can't take it, every day, your voice, it's there, it's always there, you have no idea what that's like. A voice in your head, everyday, reprimanding you, blaming you...always blaming you...I just wish I knew if that's how you really felt. I need you to tell me Ichigo. I need you to help me. Please, Ichigo. Help me"

Rukia dropped her head into her hands, all energy suddenly drained out of her. "I really _am_ selfish, aren't I? You're the one who's clinically insane, and I'm asking _you_ to help me. I always need rescuing, don't I? And even when you're at your lowest, I'm still asking you to save me. Orihime-san said I'm the only one who can help you. But I don't know _how_. I wish someone could take this all for me. I'd gladly trade the guilt, the voices, the nightmares, the responsibility, I'll give it all to someone else. But I can't. Karin was right. I can't run away without cleaning up the mess. But I just don't know _how_"

A low groan attracted Rukia's attention, and she looked up. Ichigo was stirring. She feared for a second that he would wake up, but he slept on. His lips moved soundlessly. Rukia continued to stare, waiting to see what would happen. When nothing did, she said in a low voice, "Tell me Ichigo. Tell me how I can reach you. I want to help you. Please. Let me help you"

Outside the room, Orihime listened, feeling more and more guilty by the second about every bad thing that she had ever thought about Kuchiki Rukia. It was obvious the girl had really suffered. Hinamori and Matsumoto hadn't been kidding.

And in the room, Rukia bit her lip to keep from crying. She'd tried to be strong for too long. Everyone had their breaking points, even someone as strong as Ichigo. And Rukia had hit hers too long ago.

"_Ichigo?" the boy in question looked around._

"_Yeah, what's up?"_

"_Do you ever...you know...regret meeting me?" Rukia wasn't sure why she was asking this. But she was curious._

"_Of course I don't"_

_"Do you think you'll ever regret it?"_

At the time, he hadn't answered. Rukia had assumed he probably didn't feel the need to, it was just such a stupid question. But now she wondered...had he known? Had he known what would happen? "Ichigo..."

* * *

Momo frowned as she snapped her Soul Pager shut. "What is it?" Matsumoto asked, looking around in surprise; Momo was rarely bitter. "Orders from Soul Society?" 

"More like lackof," Momo sighed as she stored the phone away in her pocket (she and Matsumoto were both in Gigais, hanging out at the park). "We've been here for almost a month, Matsumoto. But nothing's happening, just the regular hollow attacks. The local Shinigami can handle that. Why do we need to be here? If there really is trouble coming, shouldn't we be back in Soul Society, trying to prepare? Why do we have to be _here_ of all places? And just _when_ can we go home?"

"I know what you mean," Matsumoto sighed, "When they said the arrancar were mobilizing again, I figured we'd see some around. But this is...well, to be quite honest, I haven't seen anything out of the ordinary. Have you?"

Momo made a face. "Well, no, not _me_ personally, but Kuchiki-san–" a weird look crossed Matsumoto's face, and Momo stopped. "What?" she asked suspiciously, "What is it?"

"Well, Momo-san, I think you might have just touched upon another problem in itself," Matsumoto spoke slowly and deliberately, as if she was trying real hard to think about what she was saying, "Rukia-san...well, what Hisagi said the other day – whether he was in a drunken stupor or not – was fairly accurate, in my opinion. Right now, we can't really trust Rukia-san's judgement. These last fifteen years she's been pretty much left to herself, hasn't she? And while that's what she wanted, leaving her alone was probably the worst thing anyone could have done. She had time to think, too much time, and I'm sure her thoughts are nothing all that pleasant. To be quite honest, Hinamori, I wouldn't be surprised if maybe, just maybe Rukia-san's cracked – just a little, I mean, but still-"

"You think she's crazy," Momo said in a low voice, all of a sudden feeling _very_ angry. Matsumoto must have picked up on her tone.

"No, it's not that Momo-san, not at all-"

"She's not crazy," Momo continued to speak in the same, soft voice, "Not at all. She's confused, Matsumoto-san, very confused. She doesn't understand why it had to be Kurosaki-kun of all people that this happened to. She didn't understand why it had to be him, why it couldn't have been someone else, anyone else, she doesn't understand why he had to betray-" Momo froze, realizing her mistake, "I mean, why he had to-"

"I think you slipped to yourself, Momo-san," Matsumoto spoke softly. Momo groaned as she closed her eyes and dropped her head into her hands. "I never really thought about it," Matsumoto said thoughtfully, "But you and Rukia-san, you're a lot alike, aren't you? You've both suffered in ways no one would ever want to imagine, you've both been hurt in unimaginable ways...I never realized it. That's why you defend her all the time, isn't it?"

Momo's face was hidden in her hands. She opened her eyes, looking between her fingers at the ground. "I wasn't crazy, Matsumoto-san"

"I never said you were"

"But other people did," she narrowed her eyes, glaring at a blade of grass, "I heard them talking. They thought I was unstable, that I had snapped. But I wasn't, I hadn't. I was perfectly sane through all of it. Okay, when I thought Captain Aizen was dead, I'll admit, maybe I acted in a blind moment-" _maybe?_ Rangiku thought, _maybe? You attacked Gin and Kira! _But she didn't say that out loud. "But I was never crazy, Matsumoto-san, believe it or not Iwas completely in my right mind. And I hated having people thing I _was_crazy"

Rangiku nodded. She couldn't say she understood, of course, because she didn't. But she knew what Hinamori was saying. It had taken nearly five years for the fifth squad vice-captain to recover, and even when she had everyone had still been worried. When she had started showing her face in public again, everyone had avoided her, looked away when they saw her coming down the street (Rangiku would admit that she was as guilty of that as anyone else), and no one had ever stopped to think how that made Hinamori feel. And of course, she had never talked about it.

And it was the same way with Rukia-san, really. The only difference was that no one had alienated Rukia; she had done it to herself.

"What a mess," Matsumoto-san muttered, running a hand through her hair.

"Excuse me?" Momo looked up. Matsumoto-san shook her head, sighing.

"It's nothing, Momo-san. Just me muttering to myself. Don't pay attention to me," Matsumoto-san said, laughing just a little, "Anyways, moving on to a much less depressing topic – or, maybe not, when you think about it – we need to think about what we're going to do if and when we end up in a fight. Because you know as well as I do eventually there _will_be an attack. My biggest thing right now is will we be able to depend on Rukia-san. I mean, it's like I said before...I don't think she's crazy. But I _do_think her judgement is impaired. How good will she be in a fight?"

"She'll be good enough," Momo said confidently, "She wouldn't have been sent if Soul Society didn't think she could handle it, right?"

"The problem is, Momo, that she _can't_ handle it"

* * *

It was Rukia. It had to be Rukia. Only Rukia could talk like that. Only Rukia could capture his attention entirely and talk without really saying anything. It had really been Rukia talking just now. And that could only mean that she was alive. 

Ichigo's heart soared. It had been...two days? Maybe more, maybe less. Time, days, it all melted together in his world. The details of the last few days – or whatever – were kind of fuzzy, but one thing remained burned into his memory. A small, raven-haired girl, lying in Ichigo's arms, covered in blood, dying. And he hadn't been sure, when he left her, if she was going to be okay.

But she had been there. She had been talking. So unless Ichigo was halluscinating – and really, that was incredibly possible – she was alive. And that was enough to keep him going.

"Kurosaki-kun?" Ichigo opened is eyes blearly, and found himself looking up at Orihime, who was staring down at him intently. "How are you? You all right?"

"Mhm," he muttered, blinking his eyes rapidly to try and wake himself up faster.

"K–Kuchiki-san, was here," Orihime said hesitantly, "Earlier, I mean. She was talking to you. Did you hear her?"

"Rukia?" he asked, "I heard her"

"You did?" Orihime looked pleased. "Kurosaki-kun...she's really hurting over this, you know. Over everything. She feels so guilty. I don't know if you could tell, but..."

Her voice drifted off. Ichigo shifted his gaze to the ceiling, contemplating. Rukia? Feeling guilty? For what? What was wrong? It was obviously bad, if she was feeling guilty over it. And all of a sudden, all he wanted to do was find her and make her feel better. And he began to sit up to do just that. But Orihime pushed him back down. "Kurosaki-kun, what are you doing?"

"I have...I have to..."

Suddenly he wasn't sure what he wanted to do. His mind was a real mess. "Kurosaki-kun," Orihime was speaking again, "Don't do anything rash, not right away, okay? I'm sure Kuchiki-san will be back soon. Try talking to her then. I think she needs it right now. Okay?"

Ichigo nodded. And he hoped Rukia would come back soon. He really did.

* * *

Author's Note: I don't want to hear 'nothing happened' all right? Please just review...- Sam 


	14. The First Move

**All In Your Head – XIV**

"Your_ kidding_!"Momo yelped, jumping up, "An _arrancar_? An actual _arrancar_? Attacked _you_? Are you _serious_?"

"Well I'm certainly not making it up, Hinamori," Hisagi said, trying to hide his annoyance. "And I know what an arrancar looks like. That was certainly one of them. The only good thing is it wasn't an Espada. Sucker was still pretty damn strong though"

"Well this is just great," Matsumoto grumbled, "Not that we can complain, we wanted action. Just got a little more than we bargained for, that's all"

"Not a little, a lot," Hisagi said. Momo sighed as she flipped open her Soul Pager. There was a message from Hitsugaya. "What've the higher-ups got for us?" Hisagi said, looking over at the fifth-squad vice-captain.

"Nothing we don't already know," Momo sighed, "The still have no clue who could be doing this. And oh yeah, there have been some attacks in Seireitei, expect some in the living world as well"

"Too little too late," Hisagi grumbled, "Am I the only one that's noticed Soul Society never seems to actually help?"

"They just make it worse, yeah," Matsumoto agreed, nodding her head and sighing. And for a second, everyone was silent. Momo shook her head as she went through some more messages. Most of them said the same thing. No more information was known then what had already been given. That was no use to anyone.

"Jeez," she finally said, feeling an unusual moment of annoyance coming on. "Can't anyone make our jobs easy? This really bites"

"Wow, Momo-san's feeling upset," Matsumoto smirked a little, "It's an interesting look on you. You should try it more often"

Momo shook her sadly and snapped her Soul Pager shut. This whole situation was starting to get the better of her. And she was fairly certain she wasn't the only one. She shifted her eyes to the raven-haired Shinigami sitting in the corner. Rukia hadn't said in a word in over an hour. She'd barely said anything at all, in fact, since the hollow attack, and that was nearly two weeks ago now.

Momo frowned as she watched Rukia, and finally said, "Kuchiki-san? Can I talk to you for a second? It's important," Rukia looked up in surprise.

"W-What?" she said, obviously shaken, "I...not right now, Hinamori, this isn't the time or the place. Later-"

"_Now,_ Kuchiki-san," and with that she reached over, dragged Rukia up, and pulled her out of the room. Hisagi and Matsumoto watched them with interest. It was obvious they had no clue what was going on. And neither did Rukia, who was watching Momo, bewildered.

"Hinamori, what-"

"Don't talk," Momo cut her off, "Okay. Please. Just listen. I know you're upset, Kuchiki-san, really upset, and I know things have been hard, really, really hard, and I know you're really shaken up by what happened with that hollow attack, but you can't let it get in the way of what you're here to do. You have to remember that we're fighting a war here, and even if we're not, we will be very soon, and you can't let your personal feelings get in the way of what you have to do. I know you're dealing with a lot. I can relate. But you have to remember one thing; personal feelings never take priority over what you're meant to do"

"You're one to talk, aren't you?" Rukia asked, shifting her dull, lifeless violet eyes to meet Momo's deep black ones, "If I heard correctly, you tried to kill Ichimaru and Kira when you found Aizen's body. Well didn't you?"

Momo winced. She couldn't deny that it hurt, having Rukia say that. But she also couldn't deny that she had expected that to come up. "I did. And Izuru told me that I couldn't confuse public and private matters. And he was right. I can't. And neither can you, Kuchiki-san"

The energy seemed to drain out of Rukia like the air slowly being let out of a balloon. Her shoulders fell and her head dropped, her raven hair framing her face. Momo watched her intently for a minute, then continued, "Kuchiki-san, I know how you feel. You feel like everything and everyone is against you. But it's not. And we're not. We're here for you, Kuchiki-san, you just have to let us in. Please, Kuchiki-san, we're on your side, we want to help. You don't have to deal with this on your own. You just have to remember that you can't let it get in the way of what you and I and all of us are trying to do here. You have to stay focused on the mission"

There was silence. And after a minute, Rukia said, in a low voice, "I don't know if I can do that, Hinamori. I'm sorry"

"Then you'll get hurt," Momo said bluntly. She hated being so straight-forward. But Rukia needed that right then. "You've already gotten hurt twice – yeah, I know about the first time. You came to the living world while you were still sick, and you got hurt, and Orihime-san helped you. That's right, I know all about it. You got hurt then, and you got hurt when you were fighting that last hollow, the one that could change shapes. It's because you're not staying focused on the matter at hand. It's going to get you killed, eventually. Do you want that?"

"Wouldn't I deserve it?" that surprised Momo a lot. She fumbled for a few minutes, trying to figure out what to say next.

"N-No one deserves to die, Kuchiki-san"

"Even if they did something horrible that hurt someone they..." Rukia's voice drifted off. And Momo said, in a low voice,

"Not even if they did something horrible that hurt someone they cared about, no," Rukia's head snapped up, her eyes wide.

"I didn't say I cared about him!" she said, sounding almost angry, "And I don't!"

"You don't have to say it," Momo said, smiling just a little, "I can tell just by looking at your face that you care about him a lot. And if you don't care about him, then why are you beating yourself up so much? Even if it is your fault, if you don't care, then it doesn't matter. Right?"

Rukia didn't seem to have an answer to this. "It's...it's just...you don't..." Momo smirked playfully. For years people had been trying to talk Rukia into admitting she really cared about Ichigo. But Rukia wasn't the kind of person who just blurted out her feelings. "Hinamori..." Rukia said finally, "Just...just don't, all right? Don't push it"

And she walked away without another word. Momo shook her head as she watched Rukia's retreating back. And she began to wonder: had Orihime said something to Rukia? Was that way the girl was acting so weirdly now?

* * *

Rukia – who had abandoned her Gigai when she left Urahara's – jumped from roof-top to roof-top, her head spinning. She could not, for the life of her, settle on one solid thing to just focus on. Unfortunately, most of the time, that was what led to her getting hurt. Today was no exception. 

"Whoa!" Rukia gasped as she hit a slick spot on a roof, and went tumbling down. Unable to right herself in time, she landed hard on her right wrist. "Ow!" she grumbled, pushing herself up on her left wrist. There was a throbbing pain in her other one. "Dammit," she scolded herself angrily, cradling the injured wrist. She couldn't believe she had wiped out like that. She was usually good at staying focused and not getting hurt. But when her mind was in other places, it was hard for her to stay focused on _anything_.

"Dammit," Rukia muttered again, leaning against a wall and closing her eyes. She would have given anything for an escape right then. Just one thing that would keep her distracted, one thing that would help her get through this day, and deal with the ones that followed. What had she used as a distraction before?

Oh. Right. Ichigo. Rukia scowled at the thought of the orange-haired Shinigami. No matter how hard she tried, she just could not, for the life of her, get him out of her head. At times she wondered if maybe Ichigo knew about the hold he had over her, and just enjoyed seeing her suffer.

_Selfish as usual_, Rukia thought bitterly, i_n the midst of everything, when _he's _the one hurting most out of everyone, you still find a way to make it about you, don't you? Yup, that's you, Rukia. You're always so selfish_

Rukia rubbed her injured wrist, feeling just a little bitter now. But it was true, wasn't it? Wasn't she selfish? Hadn't she gone to Ichigo for help, even though he needed it more than anyone? Hadn't she wanted him to tell her what to do, even though he was obviously incapable of it at the moment?

"You're selfish all right," Rukia muttered, starting down the street. She wasn't in the mood to resume her roof jumping now. That was obviously a dangerous sport for her at the moment.

Rukia walked on, barely even noticing where she was going on, and not noticing at all that she had ended up on a very familiar street. At least, she didn't notice until a voice said, "Rukia-chan?" sounding both confused and delighted at once. The weary Shinigami turned around and found herself facing Kurosaki Isshin.

"Kurosaki-kun," it still felt weird to say that, "Hello"

"Why so formal?" Isshin asked, giving her a goofy grin, "I told you before, Rukia-chan, feel free to call me Isshin"

Rukia blinked. How in the world could he be so pleasant? "I notice there were a few Shinigami hanging around again," Isshin was babbling a mile a minute, "I was wondering if you came back as well. I know you've been popping in and out for the last fifteen years-"

"You do?" Rukia asked in surprise. She thought she had been careful about hiding her presence in the small town.

"Amateur sensing for a former captain," Isshin said, still grinning, "Ichigo didn't inherit all my skills, you know"

Rukia had nothing to say to that. "But enough about me and my crazy son. How've you been, Rukia-chan? Been awhile since you dropped in for a visit down here. Yuzu always hoped you'd come back, and I think Karin did too-"

"I've seen Karin," Rukia cut Isshin off, "She'd be just as happy if she never saw me again, trust me"

"Well yeah, she's gotten a bit bitter, Karin tends to do that," Isshin waved it off, "But those first few years, I could tell she missed you-"

Rukia doubted that highly, but didn't protest. She wasn't in the mood to get into argument with Isshin. If Ichigo had inherited anything from his father, it was his absolute stubbornness and unwillingness to admit he was wrong. So she let it go.

"Well?" Isshin was watching her expectantly.

"Well_ what_?"

"Well how've you been already?!"

Rukia made a face. That really seemed like a stupid question. "Ah," Isshin said suddenly, realization taking over his face, "I see. It's been fifteen years, Rukia-chan. But you can't let go, can you? You're still blaming yourself"

"Shouldn't I?" Rukia crossed her arms over her chest and turned away, biting her lip. "It's my fault, isn't it?"

"If it's anyone's fault," Isshin said, all goofiness gone from his voice, "It's Ichigo's. I've told you before, he has a hard head that gets him into too much trouble then what's good for him. And then he leaves others behind to take the blame for it. And they end up blaming themselves. Just like you, Rukia-chan. Don't let it get to you, It's not your fault. We all know it"

"He-"

"I know he blames you," Isshin cut her off, "But then again, he's not exactly in his right mind, is he? Can he be held accountable for what he's said to you?"

This was the most sense Rukia had ever heard Kurosaki Isshin make. But she still didn't agree with him. "Don't let it get to you Rukia-chan," the older man patted her shoulder, "If there's one thing I know about Ichigo, it's that he causes a mess, but, even if it takes awhile, he'll always come back to clean it up. Don't let this get to you"

Rukia didn't have a response to that. "I'd better get going then. Take care, Rukia-chan"

And Isshin was gone. Rukia didn't move. She felt as if she were rooted to the spot she was standing on. And she sighed. What did Isshin know anyway?

* * *

"Amazing," Orihime looked up from her lunch and smiled. Tenkaya Mai had just taken a seat across from her. 

"Hello Tenkaya-san. How are you?"

"Not bad, Ishida-san," Mai ran a hand through her hair, "I was just up to see Kurosaki-kun. He's just...I dunno. He's amazing though. He's completely coherent – have you been to see him today?"

Orihime shook her head. She had been avoiding Ichigo's room. She felt really guilty about it, but she didn't want to go there. If she went in there, he'd start questioning her. And they were questions she didn't feel right answering yet. "Oh. Well, it's really weird. But it's like he's actually getting better, you know? When I first started working here, the doctors said he would never get better, and that was sad, but now it's like...I dunno"

"Has he...said anything weird?" Orihime asked tentatively. She could imagine, in his recovering state, Ichigo babbling on and on about hollows and Shinigami and Soul Society...

"Nothing completely out of the ordinary," Mai said slowly, "But he did mention...you know that girl that was here visiting him a few days ago? Kuchiki Rukia, I think her name was. He was asking for her when I went in..."

Orihime bit her lip. Of course he wanted to see Rukia. He wanted to know she was really still alive. "Ishida-san?"

"Yes?"

"Is Kuchiki Rukia...the girl he's always talking about?" Mai sounded hesitant, "Does she have something to do with the reason he's all of a sudden getting better?"

Orihime made a face. Her honest answer was yes to both of Mai's questions. "I don't know. It's possible"

"You knew Kurosaki-kun in high school, didn't you?" Orihime nodded, "Kuchiki-san said she knew him too. Were they...did they ever...were they involved at all?"

Again, Orihime's honest answer was yes. Though they never let on about it, it was obvious Ichigo and Rukia had loved each other. But she had never gotten any proof. "I don't think so. There were rumors, but that's it"

"Oh," Mai looked put out by this. "I see. Well...I suppose it doesn't matter now, does it? That was then, this is now. And now...I think Kurosaki-kun might finally be getting better"

This thought elated Orihime as much as it frightened her. But of course, she couldn't tell Mai that.

* * *

**Author's Note** – I _know_ it's been almost a month since I last updated. Don't tell me. And don't tell me nothing happened in this chapter. Because I'm painfully aware of that. But please, review anyway. It'd please me to no end, it really would. My review goal for this entire story is 430. Think that could possibly happen? And I promise, I'll be quicker on the update next time – Sam 


	15. Forever

**All In Your Head – XV**

Momo made a face as she took a small sip of the sake Matsumoto had handed her. How she and Hisagi drank it for hours on end, Momo would probably never understand. The stuff was okay, but really, one glass was more than enough. And Matsumoto was on _at least_ her third. "Lighten up Hinamori," the vice-captain said with a grin, "We've been working overtime and things are finally quiet, take it for granted!"

"Things aren't quiet, Matsumoto," Momo said in a low voice, "They're just as bad as they have been for the past...what now, two months?"

"More like fifteen years," Hisagi interjected, sipping his own drink, "Face it, we all knew something like this was going to happen – someone rallying the arrancar, I mean. Everything else is being played by ear"

By 'everything else' Momo knew Hisagi meant everything that was happening with Kuchiki Rukia and Kurosaki Ichigo. Now _that _was an item of interest to everyone. "I stopped in the other day," Matsumoto said thoughtfully, "Say hi to Inoue, check up on Kurosaki-kun...she wouldn't let me see him though"

This surprised Momo a little. "What? Why not?"

Matsumoto shrugged. "Couldn't tell you. I asked how he was doing, she said he was doing good, I asked if I could see him, she said it'd be better if I didn't, I asked why, she didn't answer. I don't know what's going on"

"Weird," Momo pushed a strand of hair out of her eyes, scowling. She was fairly certain Inoue had never refused to let anyone visit Kurosaki-kun before; what was with the sudden change of heart?

"Well if Kurosaki's doing better, then maybe we'd better focus on our other problems," Hisagi said after a moment of silence.

"And besides the arrancar, that would be...?"

"Kuchiki, of course"

Momo bit her lip. Another item of interest. The sudden change in Rukia had gone unnoticed by no one. True, she had always been a little...not unstable, exactly, just out there, and quiet. She had always kept her feelings locked up, never letting them out. And it finally seemed to be getting the better of her.

"She's been a bit of a space case lately," Matsumoto said. Momo had to work hard not to say something really sarcastic. "But I don't think there's really anything wrong with that, you know. She's just...having a hard time lately. That's not her fault, you know"

"No one ever said it was," Hisagi said, "But you know even if it isn't her fault, that won't make it any easier in battle, when she gets hurt...again. Have you noticed she tends to get hurt easily? It's because she doesn't pay attention to what she's doing, and it gets her into trouble. She can't afford to keep letting herself get distracted, it's going to get her killed, and you know it"

They couldn't argue with that. Hisagi was right. Rukia _had _been the attraction of a lot of trouble since they first started this long-term mission. And it was because she couldn't stay focused on the fight she was in; she was just too easily distracted. She hadn't always been like that, of course. If she had been, she never would have survived as long as she did.

"So what are we supposed to do, exactly?" Momo asked finally.

No one had an answer to that. There was nothing _they _could, and they knew that perfectly well. Unfortunately, Rukia was the only one that could help herself. The only problem was, she wasn't realizing that herself. And if she didn't help herself...there wasn't anything that could be done. Momo shook her head, sighing. How had everything gotten so messed up? How had this gone from being a simple mission, to some messed up puzzle that apparently didn't have all the pieces?

"Everything's on the table now"

"_What_?" Matsumoto looked around at Momo as if she had lost her mind.

"Never-mind," Momo shook her head, "Nothing"

* * *

"So wait, you're telling me he's actually doing _better_?" Uryu asked in disbelief. Orihime just nodded without tearing her eyes away from the rain that was falling outside. "And...you seem to think that's a bad thing. Why in the world would you_ possibly_ think that's a bad thing?" 

"Aren't you supposed to be the smart one, Uryu?"

He looked shocked at the way she was speaking to him. "Um...apparently I completely missed something. What is it?"

Orihime shook her head. "It's just...he doesn't really...you know, remember anything. From the night we came back from Hueco Mundo, after he killed Aizen. He remembers coming back, but after that it's just kind of...not there. You know?"

Uryu nodded. "Yeah...but I still don't see why that's a bad thing. I mean, besides the fact he doesn't remember losing his mind"

Orihime sighed. "Well...he doesn't remember all the things he said to Kuchiki-san that night, or anything he said after"

"And again, I don't see why that's a bad thing"

"Because if he remembers then he'll feel guilty!" Orihime said angrily. Since when did she have to explain things to Uryu?

"No reason why he should"

Orihime sighed. She knew Uryu still had a bit of a grudge against Rukia for all the trouble she had caused for everybody. But really...he didn't have to be so mean about it.

"Uryu..."

"Orihime," he looked around at her at last, "Tell me, and tell me honestly, that you don't resent her even a little. If you can honestly say you don't, then I won't say another word about it. But can you?"

Orihime thought for a minute. In the past, she might not have been able to give Uryu an honest answer. But with everything that had happened, and everything she had seen, now she could say, and know that she was being honest,

"No. I don't resent her at all"

* * *

"_Huh?" Ichigo's eyes flew open suddenly. "What the...where the hell am I?"_

_He sat up. This wasn't his room. He wasn't even sure this was still Karakura Town. He looked around, his eyes dodging left and right. There was blue sky above him, and he was sitting on...on the side of a building?_

"_Ah!" he dove for an edge that was sticking out and grabbed onto it for dear life. "What the _fuck_ is going on?!"_

"_Why are you panicking?"_

_Ichigo blinked. That was a familiar voice..._

"_Zangetsu," he looked up, and found himself facing the old man once more. It had been years since they had last met._

"_Did you forget the workings of your mind already?" he asked, and Ichigo, feeling sheepish, let go of the edge and stood up._

"_Well...hey! It's been awhile, give me a break!"_

"_Yeah old man, face it. Guy spends fifteen years insane, he's going to forget a few things."_

_Ichigo winced. He knew that voice as well. He turned around to face his inner hollow. He could have gone without seeing that face, without hearing that overly high voice, ever again._

"_You're here too? Damn"_

"_I'm always here King. What do you expect?"_

_Ichigo scowled. "Great. Would someone mind explaining _why_ you two psychos dragged me back into this place?"_

_"_We're_ psychos?" the hollow asked, laughing. Ichigo grimaced. God he hated that laugh. "You're the one who spent fifteen years locked up in an institution. We're just locked in your head. How are we the psychos?"_

"_I wasn't in for fifteen damn years," Ichigo growled. He was starting to get annoyed. Just what were these two playing at?_

"_You don't remember?" the hollow asked. "You don't remember! Did you hear that old man, he doesn't remember!"_

_Tired of talking to the damned hollow, Ichigo looked over at Zangetsu, who was regarding him solemnly. "Remember what? Was I really there for fifteen years?"_

_There was no way. Inoue would have told him. She would never hide something like _that_ from him. There was no way in hell he had really been there for fifteen years._

_But Zangetsu nodded. "It's been raining in this world for fifteen years, Ichigo. You left us here, and went to a place where even we couldn't bring you back"_

_"Completely insane!" the hollow called unhelpfully, cackling. "Little crazy Ichigo!"_

_Ichigo resisted the urge to whirl around and slug the hollow in the mouth. Making him mad wouldn't help anything right then. "But why don't I remember?! I think I'd remember being in a place for so long, wouldn't I?"_

"_During the time, your mind was shut down," Zangetsu explained, "Nothing was taken in, remembered. A year could have been a day to you, it wouldn't have made any difference"_

_Ichigo took a second to absorb the shock of this information. Fifteen freaking years. He had missed a lot._

"_It was a real hell in here," his hollow broke in again. "The old man and I got front row seats to everything that happened during and after, of course. I gotta admit, it was pretty amusing, watching you try to beat that Shinigami girl-"_

_Shinigami girl? Ichigo blinked. Who the hell was he..._Rukia!

"_What?!" Ichigo whirled around, grabbing the hollow by the robes and dragging him forward. "What are you talking about?!"_

_The hollow slapped Ichigo's hand away, looking bored. "What do you mean, what am I talking about? Oh wait, you don't remember, that's right-"_

_"What did I do to Rukia?!" Ichigo shouted. The hollow stopped, looking offended. "Is there any way for me to remember? At all?"_

_He looked back at Zangetsu as he said this. The man nodded._

"_There is...we have the memories, we can give them to you...if you want them. Do you?"_

_Ichigo's first and immediate answer was 'yes'. Of course he wanted them, of course he wanted to know everything that had happened. But then he went back to what his hollow had said. What if he had hurt someone? What if he had done something really bad? Did he want to remember that?_

_Yes. He did. He could atone for his actions, he could take the guilt. At least...he hoped he could take the guilt._

"_I'll take them"_

_Zangetsu nodded. "And I want to know what he-" Ichigo jerked his thumb at the hollow, "is talking about. Can I get that memory first?"_

_There was no answer, but in a second, Ichigo's whole world changed._

_He was standing in Urahara's shop. "What the..." his mouth dropped when his eyes fell on the group sitting around the table. It consisted of him, Rukia, Inoue, Chad, and Ishida. They were all dripping wet. His mouth dropped. "What's going on?"_

_A voice spoke in his head, "This is the memory you wanted"_

_Ichigo's eyes widened. This was from right after they had come back from Hueco Mundo. He didn't remember this._

_His eyes fell on his younger self. He was staring blankly at the table, his body shaking slightly, his hands flat in his lap. He was muttering something under his breath._

"_Kurosaki-kun?"_

_Inoue was looking at him concernedly. "Kurosaki-kun, are you okay? What's wrong?"_

_He didn't answer, but continued muttering. "Ichigo?" Rukia was looking at him, an eyebrow raised. "What's with you?" she rested a hand on his shoulder. To everyone's surprise (even the older Ichigo, who was watching the scene with morbid fascination), he slapped it away. "Hey! What's _your_ problem?"_

"_Blood, blood, there's blood..."_

_His voice began to raise a little, sound shaky and terrified. Everyone exchanged looks. "Kurosaki-kun?" Inoue tried again, standing up and walking over to him. "Kurosaki-kun, are you-"_

"_Stay back!" without warning, he swung his fist out, catching her in the knee. Inoue jumped back, yelping in surprise and pain._

"Ichigo_!" the shock filled Rukia's voice. "Knock it off, what's _wrong_ with you?!"_

_But he wasn't listening anymore. His fists were swinging wildly, and he was yelling now. "Blood, there's blood, make it stop!"_

"_Ichigo stop it, stop!" Rukia was trying desperately to calm him. Ishida and Chad were standing in the background, eyes wide with shock. Rukia tried to take a step towards the orange-haired teen, who swung another fist, almost hitting her in the stomach. She deflected it with her arm. "Ow! Hey, quit swinging your fists like that moron, you're gonna hurt someone!"_

"_Blood, the blood, everywhere, stop, make it go away!"_

_He swung his fist out again, nailing her in the cheek this time. She stumbled back and fell gracefully on her butt. "Oh that's it, I'm gonna-"_

"_Kuchiki-san, no!" Inoue grabbed Rukia, pulling her backwards. Ichigo, hearing the name, froze suddenly, his eyes on her._

"_You," her violet eyes narrowed at him._

"_Me"_

"_It's your fault, this all your fault! Blood, everywhere, blood spilled, all for you, it's your fault!" her eyes widened in shock._

"_N-No it's, it's not..."_

"_Your fault!"_

"_Kurosaki, stop it!" Ishida hollered finally, snapping out of his trance. But Ichigo wasn't listening anymore. He jumped, turning on Rukia, who squared her shoulders, trying to hide the fact that she was actually scared. And he bounded forward._

"_Sado-kun, grab him!"_

_Chad grabbed Ichigo's arms, holding him vice-like. Ichigo thrashed, trying to get free._

"_Let me go, let me go! It's her, it's not me, it's her! It's her fault!"_

_Ishida touched a spot in the back of Ichigo's neck, and his head slumped forward, eyes closed. "That works," Chad said in his calm voice, "I didn't want to have to hurt him"_

_Inoue, who had still been holding Rukia back, released the Shinigami. "Kuchiki-san...Kuchiki-san, are you okay?"_

_Rukia was staring at Ichigo, her eyes wide, reflecting the shock and fear she could no longer contain. "He thinks...He thinks I..."_

"_Kuchiki-san, it's okay," Inoue rested a hand on her friend's shoulder. "It's okay. He doesn't know what he was talking about"_

_If Rukia heard the reassurances, she gave no sign of recognizing them._

Ichigo's eyes snapped open. "You're awake!" Inoue's chirpy voice reached him. "Thank goodness, I was starting to worry, I mean...it's almost noon after all...Kurosaki-kun, are you okay? You look really pale-"

He sat up, ignoring Inoue, and started to push the covers back so he could get up. "Kurosaki-kun, what are you doing?!" Inoue asked, her voice strangled with shock.

"I have to see Rukia"

"Kuchiki-san...but I...Kurosaki-kun, you can't leave!" she grabbed his arm and pushed him back into the bed. "I'll get in a lot of trouble if I let you go, you have to stay until a doctor says-"

"I have to tell Rukia it's not her fault!"

Inoue froze, her eyes wide. "Kurosaki...kun..."

"I have to tell her, she has to know! I have to see Rukia!"

* * *

**Author's Note –** Mmm...sooooo...yeah. I know most of the chapter sucked, that's why I threw in the memory, try and make it a little more exciting. Aw, just let me know what you think. Review, please? - Sam 


	16. His Choice

**All In Your Head – XVI**

"He was _released_?" Uryu shouted.

"Daddy, indoor voice!" Aiko called from the living room.

"Indoor!" Souken repeated.

"Sorry." Uryu called back. He turned to Orihime, and said in a much quieter voice, "They really released him?"

Orihime nodded, not looking up from the stew she was currently stirring. Uryu wasn't sure he wanted to know what was in it. "He's been better, I told you-"

"Yes,_better_, but not...not ready to be released for heaven's sake, you _never_ mentioned _that_." Uryu said, leaning back in his chair. "When did this happen anyway?"

"This morning." Orihime muttered. "Well, it's kind of been going to happen for awhile. The doctor had a meeting with his father and they both agreed that he was okay, and...it just kind of went on from that."

"So it wasn't just a random decision?"

"Of course it wasn't. The hospital and the doctors are better than that, you know that Uryu. I've worked with them long enough, you should"

"Yeah, I do, you know I do. It just seems so sudden. You didn't mention it before now"

"I didn't want to get your hopes up."

Uryu shook his head, his face betraying a look of deep concentration. "And our..._friends_. Do they know?"

Orihime shook her head. She knew he meant the Shinigami that were currently residing in their world. "I haven't seen any of them around lately. Maybe they went back"

"Doubtful." Uryu said. "No, I know they didn't go back. And now...now they certainly won't. With the possibility of Kurosaki being able to fight again? They'll want to recruit him as soon as possible." Orihime opened her mouth to speak. "Don't ask how they'll know. Shinigami just have their way of knowing. They'll know. And if a war is really coming, they'll want him in the midst of the battle."

"Sending him out to the front lines would destroy everything it's taken fifteen years to work up to." Orihime said, a little angry. She didn't think the Shinigami Vice-Captains would be that self-centered and and focused on only the war. They had to know that it wouldn't be good to send Ichigo into a battle so soon.

They had to.

* * *

"Released?!" Matsumoto shouted. Momo winced. She had a loud voice.

"That's what the nurse behind the desk said."

"But that's good, isn't it?" Hisagi asked. Momo could see the ideas forming in Hisagi's head. And she scowled.

"This isn't about any war, Hisagi." She said sternly. "Forget about the arrancar for a minute, and think about what's really important."

"What's more important than saving the world?" Hisagi asked angrily.

"How about Kurosaki-kun's sanity?" Momo shot back. "It's our fault, isn't it? It's our fault he ended up the way he did, who are we to go back and ask him for help?"

"Our fault." Rukia repeated the words. Momo jumped. She'd forgotten the raven-haired Shinigami was sitting there with them.

Apparently Matsumoto and Hisagi had as well. They looked over at her in surprise.

"Kuchiki." Hisagi said after a minute. "You could-"

"Don't even think about it."

"I'm just saying," Hisagi rushed on, "he'll listen to you, more than he would any of us. He certainly trusts you more-"

"No he doesn't." Rukia said firmly. "And even if he did – big if – I wouldn't take advantage of it. Hinamori's right; this isn't about any war that's coming, or that might be coming. That's what I can't stand about people like you, you're always more focused on the bigger picture, and you don't care about the people around you. I hate it."

"It's not that I don't care about the people around me-"

"Then what?" Rukia asked. "What _do_you care about?"

"It's just that we could be talking thousands of people dying, and he's our best fighter-"

"He was." Rukia cut Hisagi off. "You don't know if he can still fight anymore. For all you know, he doesn't even have his Zanpakatou."

"According to Hinamori he does." Rukia shot Momo a murderous glare. She winced.

"I didn't know it mattered...I just told him in passing, I didn't mean to make trouble."

Trouble. The four Death Gods seemed to be getting a lot of that lately.

* * *

Orihime bit her lip and looked down at her watch. It was almost seven-thirty. Where was she...?

"Inoue-san?"

She looked up. And she smiled a little.

"Hinamori-san. Thank you for coming."

Hinamori Momo smiled and bowed. "Of course I came. I was surprised you contacted me, really. I've gotten the impression that you don't really care for us Shinigami right now."

"I'm back and forth." Orihime sighed. "Listen, Hinamori-san, there's a reason I called you here. I was wondering...if you heard about Kurosaki-kun?"

Hinamori nodded. "Yeah. I did. I was happy to hear that he was doing better."

"Yeah, we all were."

This was just small talk. Orihime sighed, and said, "Listen-"

"I just-" Hinamori started at the same time. They both paused and looked at each other for a moment. And Hinamori said, "I'm sorry. Go ahead."

Orihime gulped, suddenly feeling foolish. If she worded this wrong, she was going to sound like she was telling the Shinigami how to do their job. "Well, it's just...I don't want...I don't want you to get Kurosaki-kun involved in this war."

And it was then that Orihime realized why she had chosen Hinamori to talk to. If she'd said this to Hisagi or even Matsumoto, she was sure she would have gotten a disdainful look. At one time she probably would have gotten hit by Kuchiki-san, though now there was no way of predicting how she would react.

Hinamori, on the other hand, just smiled slightly – reminding Orihime a bit of Aiko when she was caught in a wrong doing – and said, "I know you have Kurosaki-kun's best interest at heart. And trust me when I say we don't want him involved either. But don't you think, Inoue-san, that it's best to let him choose for himself what he wants to do?"

Orihime looked up surprise. She hadn't thought about that. "But he doesn't-"

"Know the situation?" Hinamori finished the sentence for Orihime. "No, he doesn't. But if he did, Inoue-san, what do you think he would choose?"

The answer to that was obvious. He would choose to fight.

But was he ready for that?

* * *

If there was one thing Kurosaki Ichigo wasn't good at, it was expressing his feelings. Feelings, he had decided long ago, were useless for everything that revolved around the world. Why would he ever need to express them?

Well he was really regretting that choice now. He was finding it harder than ever to approach Rukia, though he knew he had to. What would he say to her?

"Kurosaki-kun?" Ichigo looked over at his door. He was in his childhood room, staying with his father for the time being. Isshin had made a choke about his grown-up son still living at home. Ichigo had hit him.

"Inoue." Ichigo sat up. "What's up?"

"I need to talk to you about something."

Great. More talking. Like he and Yuzu hadn't done enough of that earlier that day, when he had come home. "About what?"

"About...well, a lot of things." Inoue sighed and sat down at the chair in front of Ichigo's desk. "I'm sure you've noticed – or maybe you haven't, I don't – know...but things are changing around here, Kurosaki-kun."

And she proceeded to tell Ichigo everything that had been happening the last few months, a lot of it relayed from Hinamori Momo, who had filled Inoue in completely earlier that day. Ichigo listened with rapt attention, and by the end he was furious.

"What do you mean they're rallying the arrancar again?!"

"Kurosaki-kun, sh." Inoue said in a patient voice. "I know it doesn't matter, but you don't need to yell. Anyways, I don't know, Hinamori-san didn't into much detail about that, she just told me what she knows herself. Someone is trying to use the arrancar to destroy both worlds – again."

"But_who_?"

"They don't know."

A typical Shinigami answer.

"And?" Ichigo asked expectantly.

"And what?"

"And when do they want me out there to fight again?" Inoue looked as if she expected this answer. She obviously wasn't pleased though.

"Kurosaki-kun, you were just released, I doubt-"

"_I_ doubt I have time to sit and recover more!" Ichigo said, jumping up. "And I'm not going to wait around and find out! I have fifteen lost years to make up for, Inoue, and this seems like the prefect time to start!"

Inoue smiled vaguely. "I had a feeling you'd say that. Kurosaki-kun, are you sure you're ready to fight?"

"Of course I am!"

"Then I guess," Inoue stood up, sighing, "I can't stop you. But before you do anything, there's one thing I want you to do."

Oh boy. "What's that?"

"Talk to Kuchiki-san, Kurosaki-kun." Ichigo blinked. "Hinamori-san was telling me...Kuchiki-san really needs you right now, Kurosaki-kun. She's been...beating herself, this entire time. I'm sure Uryu and I didn't help, but that's another story...the point is, Kurosaki-kun, she needs you. She needs to know you don't blame her...so she can stop blaming herself."

They were back to Rukia, back to talking to her. Too bad Ichigo had no clue where to even start with that.

* * *

"He'll fight."

Matsumoto looked over her shoulder at Momo. The two of them were on patrol together that night.

"What?"

"Kurosaki-kun." Momo drew herself up to full height. "He's going to fight, Matsumoto-san. I know he will. And it'll be of his own choice."

Matsumoto smiled. "Rukia-san isn't going to like that."

"No, she probably won't." Momo agreed. "Then again, maybe she will. Just because it'll show her that Kurosaki-kun really is okay."

"If this turns into a war, it's going to be very interesting."

"Yeah, it will."

Too bad at that moment, neither of them realized how true those words were.

* * *

**Author's Note –** Yes, boring chapter...next one is better, if that's anything. There's actually going to be IchiRuki interaction, and a fight (and I don't mean between the two of them, either). So...yeah. Review. That's the only thing that makes me update now – Sam 


	17. Capture

**All In Your Head – XVII**

"_Hey Rukia, what's up? _No..._well, Rukia, it's been awhile_. Nah..._so, Rukia, how've you been while I was temporarily crazy_? You know, that might work...no!"

Ichigo sighed in frustration and kicked his desk chair as he passed it. But all that accomplished was almost breaking his toe. He swore under his breath as he continued to hobble/pace.

"Want me to take a look at that toe?"

Isshin was standing in the door. "No thanks." Ichigo grumbled, sitting down on his bed at last. He had been walking around the room for an hour, racking his brain on the best way to approach Rukia. So far he pretty much had nothing.

"Thinking about Kuchiki-san?"

"Go away."

"You want some help?"

"Not from you."

"All_ ri-ight_." Isshin said in a sing-song voice. "I just thought you'd like some advice from someone who's _seen_ her recently and actually talked to-"

"Freeze!" Isshin stopped in the door and looked over his shoulder, grinning at his oldest child. "What do you know?"

"Well, the sky is blue, two plus two equals four, when you throw a boomerang it-"

"About_ Rukia_?!" Ichigo shouted impatiently.

"Well then _why _weren't you more specific?" Isshin threw himself into Ichigo's desk chair. "What do you want to know?"

"Anything that might be of help to me." Ichigo grumbled. "How was she? How did she act around you? Was she...you know, herself?"

"You ask a lot of questions son." Isshin said, raising his eyebrows at Ichigo. "Do you really care about any of those things, or do you just want me to tell you what to do?"

Ichigo gaped at his father. When did he become so smart? "I care." He muttered. "I really do. It's Rukia, of course I care. But...you're right. I want you – anyone, really – to just tell me what to do. I can't do this on my own."

A small smirk played over Isshin's lips. "The time's passed for me to tell you what to do, son. You're a man now, start acting like it. You gotta take matters into your own hands, do what you think is right, not what everyone else tells you to."

He stood to leave again, then looked over his shoulder, past Ichigo, at the window. "Hinamori Momo, right? Fifth Division Vice-Captain, you started working under Aizen Sousuke."

Confused, Ichigo looked over at the window. Sure enough, there she was, sitting in the window (in her Gigai at that; she was too much like Hitsugaya), smiling as she listened to the father and son talk.

"Well, you're very well informed."

"Nah, just friendly with the local shopkeeper." Isshin left, waving over his shoulder. Ichigo just continued to sit on his bed, trying to figure out exactly _what_ was going on.

"You know what I hate?" Ichigo looked back at Hinamori.

"No. What?"

"Stubborn Death Gods who can't swallow their pride and shame long enough to talk to each other."

Ichigo wasn't sure, but he had a feeling she was talking about _him_. "Yeah?" He said conersationally. "You must get a lot of those."

"No, just two."

"Yeah?"

"Mhm." Hinamori gave him a sly grin. "They go by the names of Kurosaki Ichigo and Kuchiki Rukia. You know them?"

"I've heard of 'em." Ichigo said, playing along. "Kuchiki's a really short, really annoying, really stubborn person-"

"And Kurosaki's too thick-headed to see the truth behind her actions." Hinamori nodded. "You've got a fine grasp on them."

"Wait, what do you mean 'truth behind her actions'?"

"A fine grasp indeed." Hinamori leaned against the window frame, still smiling. "So, Kurosaki-kun. It's been awhile. How's it going?"

"Is this really _just_ a social call?"

"No, actually, it really isn't. Haven't you ever heard of small talk?"

"Useless load of bull that only prolongs the worst." Ichigo said at once. "Now get to the point, Hinamori."

"Pushy, pushy." Hinamori sighed. "Whitey-chan was right about you, you don't make it easy to talk to you."

"_Whitey-chan_?"

"No, you want me to get right to the point, so I will." Hinamori went on. "I know Inoue-san's already talked to you about this-"

"Rukia."

"Matsumoto-san was right, you _are_ smarter than you act." Hinamori looked happy about this. "Well then, you already know what I want to say, so I guess I'll be going-"

"Wait a second!" She froze in the act of starting to jump out the window. Ichigo jumped up. "Enough of the games already. I don't know if you're _enjoying_ playing with me, but I'm tired of it. Just stop already."

Hinamori looked back at him, the smile gone now. "It's been two weeks since you were released, Kurosaki-kun. I know _she's_ not expecting much...but don't you think you should talk to her? Or at least try to?"

Rukia. "Let me tell you from experience; granting her wish to leave her alone isn't the best thing to do. We did it for fifteen years. It wasn't doing her any favors. Don't try and do her anymore by _leaving _her alone."

Ichigo sighed. "I know. I know. Really, I know. It's just...I don't know. I don't know what to say to her anymore. It's just that...I don't what to say to her anymore. It used to be easy. I called her short, she hit me over the head. I said I hated her she called me a jerk and kicked me. It was easy. It was stuff I could do, stuff I could handle. This though...I can't handle this."

"Then don't." Hinamori said simply. "Don't worry about trying to be formal, or serious, or anything like that. Just _talk to her_. Talk to her like you always did. Try to pretend that everything's normal. There's nothing wrong with that, is there?"

Ichigo sighed. "It just doesn't seem right. You know, to pretend. I feel like I should at least...I don't know...act like I know something's wrong."

"Let's see-" Hinamori said, pretending to think. "Kuchiki-san knows something's wrong. You know something's wrong. _I_ know you both know, _you_ know she knows, I'm sure she knows you know. You know?"

"I'm not sure." Ichigo groaned, dropping his head into his hands. "You just made that a lot more complicated than it needed to be."

"Yeah, I tend to do that." Hinamori shrugged. "The point is, it's time to take matters into your own hands, Kurosaki-kun. Ready or not, it's time to take an initiative. Talk to her, Kurosaki-kun. You're the only one she'll listen to now."

* * *

"_What do you mean, Hinamori?" Rukia asked wearily, looking over at the fifth division vice-captain. She looked a little annoyed now._

"_You know perfectly well what I mean, Kuchiki-san. He's not the only one who can take the first step. Why don't _you_ try talking to _him_?"_

"_Nothing doing, Hinamori." Rukia said, turning away. "I already told you once – or a hundred times, at least...maybe more, I don't know. The point is, he's better off without me in his life. I'm not going to go barging back into it now, when he doesn't need me."_

"_He _does_ need you though. Don't you understand, Kuchiki-san? _You're_ the reason he's getting better, _you're_ the reason he's the way he is now-"_

_"And the way he was." Rukia cut Hinamori off. "You don't get it, Hinamori. I'm no help. To him or to anyone else. I just make things worse."_

_Hinamori sighed. She had to have realized by now that she wasn't going to win. "Don't you think you owe to him – to yourself – to at least give talking a chance?"_

"I do, Hinamori." Rukia muttered. She was sitting on the stairs outside of Urahara's shop, staring up at the sky. Her mind was still on the conversation she'd had with Hinamori earlier. "I know he deserves it, even if I don't. But I...I can't..."

She stood up and turned to walk back inside. "I just can't do it."

"Do what? You know, besides grow another foot."

Her eyes widened and she whirled around. And there was. Just standing there, like it was the most natural thing in the world, watching her with a smirk.

"Ichigo..."

The wind blew softly around them, rustling her hair. She barely took notice of it.

"Sh!" Matsumoto hissed, leaning closer to the door. "Be _quiet_ Hisagi, I can't hear a word they're saying!"

"They haven't started _talking yet _you idiot!"

"Shut up!" Momo said, slapping them both lightly.

Ichigo and Rukia took no notice of the argument going on within the shop. They had eyes only for each other.

"Hey." Ichigo said finally. "Been awhile."

Rukia didn't say anything. She knew she should have. There was so much she could have said. But none of it was something she could bring herself to say.

"_Say something_!" Matsumoto hissed. "Jeez, don't just gape there like an idiot-"

"_Quiet_!"

"Yeah. Been awhile."

_Awkward..._

"So are you just going to stand there all day?" Ichigo asked finally. Rukia looked away from him.

"Why are you here?"

Ichigo blinked. He'd expected a better reception than _that_. "Yeah. It's nice to see you again to Rukia. No, I've been pretty good, how about yourself?"

"Very funny." Rukia looked at him from the corner of her eye. "I know how you've been, Ichigo. Now. Why are you here?"

Ichigo sighed. Oh well. He wasn't really one for small talk. "To talk to you of course, genius. We're overdue for one, don't you think?"

He shoved his hands into his pockets. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Anything."

* * *

"You sure it's such a good idea to associate with them?" Orihime sighed. 

"Uryu, I know you don't like Shinigami-"

"This has nothing to do with that." Uryu said, looking up at his wife. She was standing on a chair, cleaning the top of the refrigerator. "I just don't think you should be putting yourself in an open position. Not if what Hinamori said about the arrancar is true."

"I'm not worried about me."

"No, you're worried about Kurosaki. Orihime, he's not your patient anymore."

"That doesn't mean he's completely better either – hey, what's this?" Her hand had just fallen on a piece of paper. She picked it up and turned it over. It was the picture Aiko had drawn of the hollow. That seemed so long ago. Orihime showed her husband the picture. He looked it over.

"What about it?"

"Aiko saw this, Uryu. If it had seen her, it would have attacked her. Do you understand?" It was obvious he didn't. "This is the world both our children are growing up in, Uryu. It's a dangerous place, filled with monsters that prey kids just like ours. Ones with high spiritual pressure that can't control it. Now if you had a chance to make that world a little better, would you?"

Uryu sighed. He hated it when his wife made so much sense. "Yeah. You know I would."

* * *

Hisagi pretended to look at his watch. "One hour later..." 

It hadn't really been an hour. But there was so little going on, it might as well have. Ichigo and Rukia were making scattered attempts at conversation.

_Awkward..._

"Where's Urahara anyway?" Rangiku hissed. "He could get a conversation going."

"Him, Tessai, and the brats went out for lunch."

"Of course."

"Hush!" Hinamori hissed once more. She was trying to hear the non-existent conversation.

"This is stupid." Ichigo said finally, losing his patience. "Just _say something_, would you?!"

Rukia's violet eyes met his amber ones. He saw a world of pain in sadness. Not something he was used to out of Rukia.

"There's nothing _to_ say." She said finally, starting to turn away. "You're right, we're past due for a talk...to far past. What can we do now?"

"_No!_" Hisagi, Rangiku, and Hinamori all groaned as one. "You _idiot_! Don't walk away now!"

"Rukia-"

In the shuffle, no one had noticed the flux in spiritual pressure, or the fact that there were four Soul Pagers going off. The next second, they were surrounded by five Arrancar.

"_Dammit_!"

Forgetting that they were in hiding, Hisagi, Matsumoto, and Hinamori darted outside, quickly swallowing Substitute Souls and abandoning their Gigais.

"Damn."

Rukia started to move as well. Another voice said, "What about me?!" in an aggravated tone. Rukia looked back. Ichigo was glaring at her.

"What about you?"

"I want to fight too! Idiot!"

"Forget it-" Rukia started to turn away. She'd already decided not to get Ichigo involved in this.

"You can't stop me."

"Rukia-san!" That was Matsumoto. She knew, along with the others – Rukia included – that Ichigo would be a major asset. They needed him. Rukia scowled angrily and slipped on her old glove with the dangerous skull.

"Fine. But I didn't want this."

She slammed the gloved hand into Ichigo's chest, ejecting him from his body. She already knew she wasn't going to like the way this ended.

They weren't Espada. They weren't strong. But every time one was struck down, another showed up. It was more irritating than anything. And it was starting to get a little distracting.

"What the hell?!" Ichigo asked angrily, swinging his Zanpakatou through another Arrancar. "This is so-"

He didn't notice another Arrancar come up behind him.

"_Ichigo_!"

In a flash Rukia was behind him. She swung Sode no Shirayuki around, deflecting one large claw. Another came swinging down at her. She wasn't fast enough.

"Kuchiki-san!" Hinamori's yell forced Ichigo to look around, just in time to see Rukia fall in a flash of blood and claws.

"No!"

"_Now_!" Ichigo felt himself being grabbed from behind.

"No you don't!" Hisagi yelled, darting forward. He was cut off by several more Arrancar in his path. Ichigo struggled and kicked. Zangetsu was yanked from his hands.

There was flash of blue as an arrow shot past Ichigo, narrowly missing him and the Arrancar holding him.

"Kurosaki-kun!"

Orihime and Uryu had entered the fight as well. But they were already too late.

"We have him, we have him, go!"

A tear appeared in the air behind the Arrancar holding Ichigo, who was still struggling to be released. A second later...they were all gone.

* * *

**Author's Note –** Huh...uh huh...I don't want to hear that this chapter was boring...or that I should drown myself because I'm a terrible writer...or how I take too long...just to review, please. I know I don't deserve them, because I suck, but...it'll make me happy – Sam 


	18. Rescue

**All In Your Head – XVIII**

"Well," Hisagi said after half an hour, breaking the silence. "This is...well"

Hinamori was curled against the wall, her knees drawn up under her chin. Matsumoto was sitting next to Hisagi at the small table. Both had glasses in front of them, and were swishing the contents of said glasses around. But neither were drinking, for once. Ishida and Orihime were sitting across from them. Orihime had her head on Ishida's shoulder, and her eyes were closed. Ishida's face was set in a grim, straight line. "Well?" he repeated, glaring at Hisagi, "This is a lot more than just _well._"

"Calm down Ishida-kun," Hinamori said, her eyes drifting to the closed door, behind which Kuchiki Rukia was currently resting, "We all know this is really bad. It's too bad for words, really. What is he supposed to say?"

Ishida fell silent, but he was still glaring around the table at everybody. And Orihime said, in a small voice, "Do you think they'll kill him?"

"Sush," Hinamori said sternly, looking back at the door, "Kuchiki-san has a habit of listening at doors sometimes"

"Good," Ishida said, following Hinamori's gaze, "She deserves to hear it. This is all her fault, I wonder if she knows that," he spoke in a slightly louder voice, "This is all your fault Rukia-san, none of this would have happened if it wasn't for you!"

"Stop it Uryu!" Orihime said, sitting up and hitting her husband on the arm. Uryu blinked, obviously surprised. "It's not her fault," Orihime went on, "She's been saying that it is for the last fifteen years right along with us. But it's not. So stop blaming her!"

Everyone stared for a few seconds. Finally, Matsumoto, trying to break the tension, said, "We need to figure out what we're going to do now"

"I think it's kind of obvious what we're going to do, Matsumoto-san," Hinamori said from her spot against the wall, "Soul Society won't like it, but-"

"It's not like we have a choice here," Matsumoto agreed, "I know what we have to do, I just didn't want to be the one to say it..."

Hisagi looked between the two, confused. "Wait a second...what the hell are we going to do, exactly? I mean, you kind of lost me"

Hinamori and Matsumoto nodded, and the former said, "We're going to Hueco Mundo. We have to save Kurosaki-kun"

A shocked silence followed those words. "We can't," Hisagi said finally, his voice low. Hinamori frowned.

"This is our fault Hisagi," she said in a stern voice, "We can't just turn our backs on it now, that's not what we do. We have to clean up our own mess"

Orihime was strongly reminded of what Karin had said to Rukia that day at the hospital, but she bit her tongue. "Do you realize how much trouble we'd get in?"

"Hisagi," Matsumoto broke in, "Do you realize how much trouble we're in _now_? Pretty much our best fighter has been captured by the enemy, that doesn't put us in a good position. And...I wouldn't feel right, just leaving him there"

Orihime knew Matsumoto was thinking about the last time Soul Society had left someone to Hueco Mundo. "It's suicide," Hisagi said with a sigh, "But you're right, both of you. We need to clean this up. So. Who's going?"

Hinamori and Matsumoto both raised their hands. Hisagi nodded. "That's us three. Anyone else want to volunteer for suicide?"

"I'll go"

Everyone jumped a mile and looked around in surprise. Rukia was standing in the door to her room, leaning heavily on the frame. She looked drained by the mere effort of just standing. Everyone's eyes widened in shock and Hinamori jumped up, moving towards Rukia and saying, "Kuchiki-san, what are you doing, you shouldn't be up..."

But as she reached out to help the girl, Rukia pulled away, nearly falling back. "I'm going with you," she repeated, gripping tighter still to the door-frame. Matsumoto and Hisagi exchanged looks, and the latter said,

"Like hell you are. You can barely stand"

"You can't stop me!" she shot back. Hinamori finally succeeded in grabbing Rukia and getting her to sit down. The raven-haired Shinigami held her glare at Hisagi firm though, and Orihime had to admit, Rukia was stronger than anyone really gave her credit for.

"Kuchiki-san," Hinamori said in a small, trying-to-be-reasonable voice, "You're still hurt, it's going to take awhile to recover, you really need to take the time to rest-"

"_Time_ is something there isn't much of, Hinamori," Rukia cut her off, "And if you think any of you are going to stop me, get real"

"Get a _grip_ Kuchiki," Hisagi said angrily, "You run in there the way you are now, it's going to be suicide, and we can't wait for you to recover. You're right, time isn't something we have much of. So just let us deal with it"

Rukia's fists clenched furiously. If she could have moved, everyone knew she would have hit Hisagi. But at the moment Hinamori was holding her back, trying to keep her still. "I'm not staying here," she said, "You need someone who can navigate through Hueco Mundo. None of you have been there before. I have. How do you plan on finding anything?"

"I'll go," Ishida spoke at last, surprising everyone. They looked at him in shock. "It's not ideal," he continued, "But Kuchiki-san is right. You need someone to help you get through Hueco Mundo, especially Las Noches. I'll help you"

Boy, if looks could have killed, Ishida would have dropped on the spot. It was obvious Rukia wasn't happy about having her only excuse to go yanked away from her. Ishida could hold a glare though, and for awhile it was a staring contest. Finally, disgusted, Rukia jumped up, surprising everyone, and stormed outside, slamming the door behind her. Hinamori took off after her. The opening of the door so soon surprised Rukia, apparently, and sent her tumbling forward. Hinamori grabbed her right before she fell, and they both went down. Hinamori landed on top of Rukia, who winced and bit her lip, trying to keep from yelling in pain. "Sorry," Hinamori groaned, stumbling up. She was quick to close the door behind her (the others were watching curiously) and reached out to help Rukia up. The girl ignored her friend's hand though, and stood up on her own, stumbling slightly. "Are you all right?"

"Leave me alone Hinamori"

"Kuchiki-san, stop being unreasonable," Momo said, trying to be understanding. She knew the girl was going to be stubborn. But that would get her hurt. Again.

"What's unreasonable about it exactly, Hinamori?"

"You know you can't fight, not in the condition you're in-"

"That doesn't matter!" the raven-haired Shinigami yelled, jumping up, "_It doesn't matter_, Hinamori! I've been running away from this for years, I don't have the choice to turn back now, even I want to! I_can't_ turn back now, this is my fault and I'm not letting anyone take care of it for me!"

Momo sighed. She knew she should have expected this kind of answer. Rukia had been beating herself up for far too long. And while Momo was willing to stay loyal to the fact that the pressure hadn't driven Rukia completely insane...it was obviously starting to take it's toll on her.

"Kuchiki-san, nothing is worth getting yourself killed over. Not even love."

Rukia made an impatient noise in the back of her throat and turned away from Momo. "You back on that, Hinamori? I don't love him."

"You coulda fooled me." Hinamori said quietly. "Please, Kuchiki-san. Just be a little reasonable about this. I know you feel responsible for everything that's happened. And I know you want to fix your mistakes. But now isn't the best time to decide to try and take responsibility, not with the condition you're in–"

"I've had worse." Rukia muttered under her breath. "I've had a lot worse, as a matter of fact. You should have seen me after I saved Ichigo when I first met him – that was bad. Or when the Arrancar Grimmjow punched a hole in me – that was bad too. This is nothing compared to some injuries I've gotten–"

"We still can't let you go." Momo said as calmly as she could manage. She'd always known Kuchiki Rukia was stubborn. But this was stubborn to the point of _suicidal_. Rukia blinked, her violet eyes fixed on Momo.

"Let me?" She repeated. "_Let me_? So what, that means you think you can actually give me orders? Last time I checked you and I and Hisagi and Matsumoto are all the same level – vice-captains. We certainly don't have the right to order each other around. Or stop one another from doing something they want to – something they _have _to do."

"Well I am." Momo said. This wasn't going to go over well with Rukia. Oh well. "Someone has to keep you down, Kuchiki-san. Now isn't the time for rash action. You can't just rush in – it'll get you in to trouble. And before you say anything, I know I'm guilty of the same action – of getting into fights without thinking – but that doesn't matter now. I learned from my mistakes, and now I'm trying to stop you from making the same ones. Please, just listen to me Kuchiki-san. I'm not trying to say I think I'm better than you and that I _can _order you around. I just don't want you to suffer. I don't want you to get hurt. Neither do Hisagi or Matsumoto. You're our friend and we care about you. So please. Don't do anything rash."

Matsumoto and Hisagi were, of course, listening from the door. Orihime and Uryu, though they really didn't want to, were listening as well.

"I don't think I've ever heard Hinamori make so much sense before." Hisagi muttered after a minute. "I mean, I knew what happened with Aizen changed her a lot, but I never knew she changed that much. I mean, really…"

Matsumoto smiled. She wasn't listening to Hisagi, of course. She was watching Rukia, who looked ready to admit defeat. "So it's you, me, Ishida, and Hinamori bound for Hueco Mundo. How do you like those odds, Hisagi?"

"I think they suck, actually."

"Orihime-san, what are you going to do?" Matsumoto looked over her shoulder at Orihime, who blinked.

"Well, I…" She really didn't want to go to Hueco Mundo again. She wanted to save Kurosaki-kun, of course, just like everyone else. But so many bad things had happened in Hueco Mundo, and they were because of her…she just didn't want to have to face the place again.

"You don't _want_to go to Hueco Mundo, do you?" Orihime looked at Matsumoto with wide eyes. The tenth squad vice-captain smiled. "How do you feel about babysitting then? I'm sure I speak for Hinamori and Hisagi when I say that none of us trust Kuchiki-san to do what Hinamori says, and just stay here and wait."

"Yeah, that'll go over real well." Hisagi said. "Tell Kuchiki we don't trust her, I'm sure she'll be okay with that."

"We don't tell her then." Matsumoto said easily. "We just say that Orihime wants to stay around here for the time being. You know, while Ishida is gone."

"What about Souken and Aiko?" Uryu finally got a word in.

"I'll ask Tatsuki to watch them." Orihime said. "She loves them both, and I'm sure she knows what's going on by now. She won't mind."

Uryu had nothing to say to that. Hisagi and Matsumoto exchanged triumphant looks.

* * *

Two hours later, Rukia was back in her room. She didn't want to see the others leave. She wasn't sure she'd be able to stop herself from going with them. And, as much as she hated to admit it, she knew if she went with them now, she was simply _asking _to die. And all though right now that seemed like the best way she could think of to try and make up for all the trouble she had caused, in the long run, it really wasn't. She almost felt as if she was once again waiting for her execution. She could still remember that feeling. It was one she had hoped she would never have to experience again.

"This isn't happening." She muttered, closing her eyes and leaning her head against the wall. "I know it isn't. It can't be. When did things get so out of control?"

"Kuchiki-san?" Rukia looked over at the door. Orihime was watching her carefully. "This is probably a stupid question, but…are you all right?"

Rukia didn't really know what to say. "They'll save him, Kuchiki-san. Everything will be okay. You'll see. There's nothing to worry about."

"I'm glad one of us thinks so." Rukia muttered, leaning her head against the window. "I just don't know anymore, Orihime-san."

* * *

**Author's Note **– I know, I know…nothing happened…I'm sorry. Anyways, there's going to be some Hueco Mundo in the next chapter, and some more Ichigo, because I've noticed that there isn't a lot of Ichigo's point of view in the story. So yeah…review please –Sam 


	19. A New Mission

**All In Your Head – XIX**

"Nervous?"

Hinamori Momo blinked and looked over at Matsumoto, who was watching her carefully. She gulped and quickly shook her head.

"Nope, nope, of course not!" She said, trying to ignore the fact that her heart was pounding. They were standing in front of the gate that would lead them to Hueco Mundo…and to Ichigo. Momo was lying, of course; she was nervous as hell. But she wasn't about to give in and show that she was at all scared.

"It's all right if you are." Matsumoto said, giving Momo a searching look. "I mean, really…I am."

Momo blinked. "Yeah, I know, surprising huh?" Matsumoto laughed. "But…you don't know what we're going to find there. Really…we don't even know if Ichigo is still alive, or-"

"Don't say that." Matsumoto stopped for a second.

"You're right. Sorry. He has to be alive, I know he does." She sighed and looked back at the gate that was waiting to take them to Hueco Mundo – and a very certain death.

"Hey…Matsumoto-san?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think it's possible…that maybe…"

"Aizen's dead, Momo-san." Momo winced at those words. "Sorry. I know it still hurts sometimes. I can relate. I feel the same way every time I think about Gin, that bastard. Turns around and just leaves me, like he always did. To think I ever thought of him as a friend…it's ridiculous. But I'm getting off topic. The point is, we saw Aizen die, right along with Gin and Tousen. Ichigo killed all three of them. Remember?"

"It could have been an illusion."

Rangiku froze. An…illusion? "Captain Aizen – I mean, Aizen's Zanpakatou," Hinamori went on, "it created illusions, remember? That's how we saw him dead and everything…it was an illusion. Who's to say his death wasn't as well? His and Tousen's and Ichimaru's? I mean – Matsumoto-san?"

Hinamori had finally noticed how still Rangiku was, and how wide her eyes had gotten. "Um…Matsumoto-san?"

"Of course!" The sudden outburst made everyone look around. "Momo-san you're a genius! Orihime-san, come here!"

Orihime, who had been saying goodbye to Uryu, looked around in surprise. "Momo-san, get out your phone. I need you to send a message to Soul Society. Make sure it's addressed strictly to Captain Hitsugaya, so that no one else reads it. Orihime-san, I need you to…"

* * *

"Captain Hitsugaya?" A weary Hitsugaya Toushirou looked up from the report he was reading. A messenger was standing in front of him.

"Yeah, what is it?" Hitsugaya asked irritably. He had been up all night trying to finish his paperwork, and cursing Matsumoto for taking so long on this mission. Not that she did paperwork while she was around anyway, but…

"I have a message from Vice-Captain Matsumoto." Speak of the devil. The man held up a tightly furled scroll. "It was addressed directly to you."

Hitsugaya sighed as he took it and opened it up. He hoped Matsumoto had more to say about the mission then Hinamori ever seemed to.

"She better not want more money, this division isn't her personal bank…" He unfurled the scroll and read:

_Hello Captain Hitsugaya!_

_Hope everything is okay in Soul Society. Hinamori just made a suggestion that could be a real breakthrough in figuring out what is going on in Hueco Mundo. I don't feel safe talking about it in a message-_

"Then why the hell did she send this?!"

_-but before you yell 'why the hell did she send this?!'-_

Hitsugaya blinked. "Jeez."

_-it can't be completely impossible for you to come to the living world, can it? As soon as possible would be great. As soon as you get this message will be even better. You'll have to talk to Orihime-san, who already knows the theory-_

_  
_"Why can't I just talk to her?"

­_-and because I know you're wondering why _I _can't tell you-_

"Oh shut up!"

-_I'll tell you now. Kurosaki-kun was recently released, and got himself captured during a fight with the Arrancar. Hinamori, Hisagi, and I are going to Hueco Mundo to get him back (Orihime can explain why Kuchiki-san didn't go as well; it's a long story)._

–_Matsumoto Rangiku, Tenth Division Vice-Captain_

Hitsugaya just stared, sure he had read that last part wrong. When he was absolutely positive everything on the page was just as he had seen it, he jumped and rushed out of the office, frightening a few of his squad members as he ran, yelling,

"I'll _murder_ her!"

* * *

"You know, sometimes I blame myself."

Rukia looked around in surprise. Orihime was standing above her, smiling a little. Rukia blinked.

"What do you mean?"

"About Kurosaki-kun." Orihime sat down. "I blamed myself for the way he ended up. If I had been stronger, if I hadn't gone to Hueco Mundo, if I had been able to fight for myself, he wouldn't have needed to protect me. And maybe things would have gone differently. That's what I told myself, anyway."

"That's ridiculous." Rukia muttered, looking away. Orihime just smiled.

"Oh? And why's that?"

"Because…because…" Rukia couldn't put it into words. "Because Ichigo wouldn't have been happy if he wasn't protecting someone. If you had been able to fight for yourself, he might have actually been disappointed."

"You think so?" Orihime had never thought about it like that. Rukia was quite right, of course. Ichigo loved protecting people. The more the better. "Yeah, I guess you're right. That sounds like Kurosaki-kun, at any rate."

Rukia smiled just a little. "Yeah, doesn't it? He was born to fight, it's the only way he'll ever be happy. Somehow, I knew that from the first time I met him. It's the one thing that always stood out about him, to me, anyway."

"Why is it you can say that to me, and know it's true, but you can't tell it to yourself?" Rukia already had an answer ready.

"Because he never blamed you the way he did me." Orihime sighed. Somehow, she'd seen that coming. Before she could answer though, a crash echoed from within the shop behind them, and an angry voice bellowed,

"Where the hell are they?!"

Rukia jumped up, her eyes wide. "That's Captain Hitsugaya. He must have gotten Matsumoto's message. Oh boy-"

At that moment the door slammed open, and an enraged Hitsugaya Toushirou stormed out. "Where the hell are they?!"

"And by they," Rukia said slowly, trying to stall for time, "you mean…"

"Don't even start with me Kuchiki." Hitsugaya said angrily. He obviously wasn't in the mood. "I want to know where my worthless vice-captain, Hisagi, and Hinamori are. And I want to know _now_."

"You…just missed them." Hitsugaya swore at the top of his breath. It was one of the very few times Rukia had seen Hitsugaya _this _upset.

"Damn it! They seriously went to Hueco Mundo? Why didn't they at least let me know what was going on before they just ran off?!"

Orihime exchanged a weary look with Rukia, and edged closer to her old friend. They were both slightly nervous.

"C-Captain Hitsugaya…the situation…there wasn't time-"

"And you!" Hitsugaya said furiously, turning on Rukia, who stepped back. "I'd think you of all people would try and _stop _them! You know Soul Society doesn't look kindly on people who do things they're not supposed to, you experienced it personally! I can't believe-"

"Hitsugaya-kun, Matsumoto-san said I was supposed to-"

Hitsugaya blinked, as if he had forgotten the reason he had come. "Oh. Right. What was Hinamori's great idea? Matsumoto made it sound important."

Orihime and Rukia exchanged relieved glances. They had calmed him down. Even if it was only a little. "Aizen's Zanpakatou. It could create illusions, couldn't it? Hinamori suggested it, in passing, but she might have an idea going. What if Aizen and the others faked their on death?"

That stopped Hitsugaya cold. "How in the world did _Hinamori _of all people, think of that? I mean…"

"I heard a little bit of the conversation." Orihime said. "It really was just an accident. But it's still a good idea. Do you think…it's possible? It would certainly explain a lot of what's been happening, I mean…"

"It's a good idea." Hitsugaya said. Then he fired up again. "Wait a second, even after she thought of that, they _still _went?! What kind of _idiots_ are they?!"

"The kind who don't like to give up." Rukia said quietly. "They're a lot like everyone else in Soul Society. Right…Renji?"

A sheepish looking Abarai Renji stepped out from behind the door. "When did you notice I was there?"

"The second Captain Hitsugaya rushed out. What did you do, follow him?"

"Well, I saw him running through Seireitei yelling about how is vice-captain was a moron, I was curious-"

"Save it." Rukia shook her head. "So now you know. Exactly what do you plan to do?"

"Get them back here of course! What Hinamori said was a definite possibility, and if it's true, we don't need them there right now, it's too much of a risk – even if I have to drag them back here myself-"

Orihime saw a light go on in Rukia's eyes. Seeing the danger of this, she said quickly, "But they're there on a rescue mission, could you at least help-"

"Yeah, I know, Kurosaki and all that." Hitsugaya waved a hand. "Of course I'll help. Then I'll drag every last one of them back here and kick their asses."

"Blatant disregard to all orders we were given to stay out of Hueco Mundo." Renji smirked. "I'm in. By the way, Rukia, why didn't you go to?"

"Never-mind that, I'm-"

"Not going." Orihime said firmly. "Matsumoto told me to-"

"Who cares what Matsumoto said, she's in trouble anyway-"

"Orihime-san, why_wasn't _Kuchiki allowed to go?" Hitsugaya asked, remembering what Matsumoto's message had said. Orihime gave Rukia an apologetic glance, and said,

"Because during the fight before Ichigo was taken, she got hurt trying to protect him. The others think she's too close to the situation."

Rukia scowled and looked away. _Thanks a lot Orihime-san_.

That was every chance she had of going right out the window. "I see." Hitsugaya said slowly. "Well – no offense Kuchiki, but I've been saying that from the start. And so have a lot of other captains, including your own. But that's the exact reason she was sent."

"It was?" Orihime said, looking at Rukia in surprise. The Shinigami brought her eyes up to meet Orihime's.

"I was supposed to try and help Ichigo recover…so that he could fight. It was the main reason for sending me." Orihime just stared.

"That's…the _only_reason you came?" She asked slowly. "The only reason you wanted him to recover? Is that all you Shinigami care about?!"

Her voice had slowly risen with each word. Rukia could tell she was getting mad – correction: _was _mad.

"That wasn't why…" Rukia said slowly. "My orders had nothing to do with it."

"Then _what_?" She didn't answer. "Kuchiki-san, I just don't get you. Do you care about Kurosaki-kun _at all_? Or does he only matter to you as a fighter?"

Renji and Hitsugaya were watching the exchange. They knew – as did every other Shinigami – about what Rukia had said about Ichigo, about loving him. But Orihime didn't know that. And Rukia certainly wasn't about to tell.

"If you go to Hueco Mundo, I want to come to." She turned to Renji and Hitsugaya. "And I don't care what Matsumoto, Hinamori, Hisagi, or anyone else says. I have to start fixing my mistakes. And this is a good place to start."

* * *

**Author's Note **– Erm… /gets a tomato thrown at her/ Yeah, I know, nothing happened (I've been yelled at a few times for saying that – but hell, this time it's true). To be honest, I had no idea what to do for this chapter. I know what I want to do for the story as a whole, but I'm starting to move towards that point where I have to actually _end_the story. And I don't want to do that, because I enjoy writing it. But…guess I don't have a choice, huh? Consider this story finished in about five or six chapters. My final review goal is 500. Can that possibly happen? Review, it'll motivate me to update faster – Sam 


	20. The Full Team

**All In Your Head – XX**

Ichigo was pissed. No, that wasn't quite right. He had _passed _pissed a long time ago. He had moved on right to murderous.

The only problem was: he was currently chained down to the floor of his cell by some sort of shackles around his wrists that were suppressing his spiritual energy, and his Zanpakatou was…well, he didn't actually _know _where it was. But it wasn't with him, and it wasn't doing him any good. He knew that much.

"Let me _out of here_!" He slammed his foot into the door of his cell. All that did was send shockwaves through said foot and send him tumbling backwards.

"Give it up." The Arrancar that was guarding him said, sounding delighted. "You'll never get out of there."

"Shut _up_!" Ichigo shouted, pulling as hard as he could on the shackles. The chain rattled and clinked as he struggled. It annoyed the hell out of him, but he didn't stop. "Let me the hell out of here now!"

He pulled even harder, and went flying to the floor, landing face down.

"Now why would I do that?" The Arrancar laughed. The laugh made Ichigo's blood boil. He would have loved to get his hands on the Arrancar and wipe the floor with the freak of nature. "You really should just give up. Eventually you'll be let out. When Aizen-sama is ready to use you."

"Aizen…what?!" Forgetting that he was chained to the floor, Ichigo jumped up, nearly falling over again. "What the hell are you talking about?! Aizen's _dead_!"

The Arrancar laughed again. "Foolish. Did you really think an insignificant Shinigami substitute such as yourself could _ever _defeat the great Aizen-sama? Aizen-sama will never fall!"

Ichigo gnawed on his lip, trying to keep himself from completely losing it. "He did some fairly good 'falling' in front of me." The orange-haired said, unable to suppress the smirk that threatened to cross his lips. The Arrancar outside the door made a few inaudible noises. It was obvious he thought Ichigo was being disrespectful.

"You…you…I should kill you right now!" The Arrancar screamed finally. "If it weren't for my orders, I'd do just that you smug, pathetic Shinigami! How dare you insult Aizen-sama like that!"

Ichigo sighed and let the Arrancar go on it's rant. He wasn't much interested in what the freak of nature had to say to him.

_This is pathetic_, said a voice in the back of his head. Ichigo tensed. _Just let me out. I don't need the old man, I can tear these wimps apart with my bear hands._

Ichigo didn't really doubt that. He scowled and leaned against the hard stone wall of his prison. _No_, he replied finally, knowing full well he was enraging the hollow. _Not yet. I think I'll just ride this one out and see what happens?_

_Ride it out?! _The hollow repeated. _Maybe you haven't noticed this, you fool, but this ride is nothing but a one-way ticket to _death_! You'll be dead before you can say 'boo' as long as your without your Zanpakatou. But you're not completely weaponless yet, you still have me. Let me out, I'll take them all out, I swear! Just _let me go

_No, _Ichigo thought firmly. It was true, he knew, that the hollow side of him would have had no problem taking out the Arrancar guard outside his door, and maybe any other small fries that would have gotten in the way. But that wasn't how he wanted to do things. He didn't want the hollow's help with this one. _I'm doing this on my own, you hear? I don't want you to get involved in this._

_What's with the sudden pride? You've never had a problem asking for my help before, so why now, when I'm actually _willing _to give it to you, are you so unwilling to let me the hell out?!_

Ichigo couldn't explain it himself. He couldn't explain why he was denying his hollow side. It was true that his escape would be almost guaranteed when he set that monster loose, and if there was one thing he wanted, it was to be out of the damned cell. So what was stopping him?

An image flashed in his mind. A short figure with shoulder-length black hair and stunning violet eyes. Rukia.

_Not her again, _the hollow groaned. _She's not even _here _right now, what does it matter if _she _sees me? In fact, when did it ever matter?_

It didn't. Or it shouldn't have, at any rate. Rukia knew all about his hollow side, it was stupid of him to not want to release it over _her_. But something was still bothering him about the whole thing.

_You're pathetic. All I ever seem to hear about is Rukia. Rukia, Rukia, Rukia. Why is she so fucking important to you?_

Another question Ichigo couldn't answer. He just didn't know. _Fine, at least answer me this: _why _the hell can't I just take out the guard at the door?_

_Because_, Ichigo replied, his answer finally ready, _I want to do this. And I want to do it with my own hands. I want to finish it myself, see the end through my own eyes. I don't want some hollow mask covering me, controlling me, fighting for me. I want to do this on my own._

_You _are _pathetic, _the hollow scoffed. _You'll see. You _can't _do this on your own. You'll be begging for my help before the day is done. And I'm not overly sure I'll _give _it to you._

Ichigo scowled. His hollow side could boast all it wanted, Ichigo didn't care. He'd do this all on his own. He had to.

_Fine. I'll let you be all prideful and handle this on your own. But if you die Ichigo, I'll kill you, I swear. So for the life of me _do not die

_Dying isn't at the top of my priority list_, Ichigo thought bitterly, _and why do you care anyway?_

_Because if you die, I die._

Ichigo should have known it was something like that.

* * *

"There, there!"

"I _see it_!" Uryu roared, shooting an arrow through an oncoming hollow. The group had been under attack practically since they had set foot in Hueco Mundo.

"You don't have to yell." Pesche said, sounding a little put by Uryu's attitude towards him. A vein twitched in Uryu's forehead. _How the _hell _did we get stuck with these guys _againThe dark-haired man wondered, pushing his glasses up and glaring Pesche, Nell, and Dondochakka, who had been standing on the sidelines watching the fight and shouting useless advice.

"We could just ditch them." Hisagi muttered, following Uryu's gaze. "I'm sure we're faster than them, we could be gone before they'd notice―"

Uryu shook his head. "They're faster than they look."

Not that it made them any less annoying. Uryu had been beyond pissed when Nell had stumbled into their group and recognized him. The former Espada had been overjoyed to see one of "Ithygo's" friends, and had instantly demanded to see the orange-haired man as well. And of course, Rangiku just _had _to inform Nell that Ichigo had been captured. So Nell and the others had tagged along for the ride.

"Come on." Hisagi called to Matsumoto and Hinamori, who had just finished off the last of their latest attackers. "Let's keep moving. Las Noches is still a ways away…"

"Hey what happened to that pet of yours?" Uryu asked Nell as they continued walking. Bad words. Nell burst into tears.

"He _died_!" She wailed, crying loudly and rubbing her eyes. Pesche threw Uryu a dirt look.

"Now see what you've done? There, there Nell…"

Uryu sighed. Just what he needed. "Pick up the pace, would you?" Hisagi called over his shoulder to group. Uryu scowled. He didn't need to be ordered around by some _Shinigami_…

"Uh oh." Matsumoto came to a halt suddenly, looking around. Everyone else stopped as well. Hisagi looked annoyed.

"_What_?"

"We've got a problem."

"Found you!" A very pissed off Hitsugaya Toushirou appeared in front of them suddenly. Matsumoto winced.

"Jeez Hitsugaya!" Three more people appeared next to him. Abarai Renji, who was, Uryu noted angrily, holding on to Orihime, and Rukia. The two Shinigami doubled over, trying to catch their breath from the long, fast run. "Can't move much faster, can you?"

Matsumoto finally found words. "Captain Hitsugaya!" She chirped, clapping her hands together happily. "You got my message, then?"

That was all it took. "What the _hell_ were the three of you _thinking_?!" The white-haired captain shouted. "Going into Hueco Mundo, _without orders_, right after you've figured out Aizen could possibly be behind this! The three of you are supposed to vice-captains, not _morons_!"

Matsumoto laughed weakly, rubbing the back of her head. Hisagi looked away, knowing full well a mad captain wasn't to be messed with. Hinamori said, with an air of trying to smooth things over, "Are you mad, Shirou-chan?"

"You're damn _right _I'm mad!"

"He went tearing out of Soul Society like a mad man." Renji said, straightening up. He still looked a little out of breath. "Just screaming, over and over, 'she's an idiot, she's an idiot.' I thought maybe he'd lost his mind."

"All right." Hinamori said slowly. "I understand Shirou-chan being here. But what about you, Renji? And not to mention Orihime-san and Kuchiki-san―"

Rukia winced. She'd obviously hoped they'd forego her. "Well, Orihime-san and Rukia filled us in on what was going on." Renji explained. "And I'd give anything to have Ichigo owe me, so...I joined in. Those two―" Her jerked a thumb at Orihime and Rukia, "are just stubborn. They refused to stay behind."

"Kuchiki-_san­―"_

Don't start." Rukia cut Hinamori off and turned around to look at Hueco Mundo. She was close, so close…

_I don't have time to be sitting around right now. I have to start fixing everything I ruined. And that includes you, Ichigo. I promise…I'll change things. Somehow._

"You're not going to make us leave, are you?" Matsumoto asked her captain apprehensively. Hitsugaya blew a stray strand of white hair out of his eyes.

"Would you even if I tried? We're here to help with this rescue. But you'd better believe when we get back to Soul Society all three of you are going to be sorry." Hinamori, Hisagi, and Matsumoto winced, not liking the sound of that. But they let it go.

"Quit thtanding around!" Nell shouted suddenly. Everyone jumped; they'd forgotten she and her 'brothers' were there. "You guyth talk a lot, you know that? Let's go save Ithygo already!"

Hitsugaya raised an eyebrow at Uryu, who shook his head.

"Don't ask. Let's just go."

And they were off again. No one spoke as they ran. Their minds were all in completely different places. While they had to admit, the appearance of two captains would certainly help them, it wouldn't do any good at all if they couldn't find Ichigo. This was a fact that stood out clear in _everyone's _head.

_Doesn't matter_, Rukia told herself firmly, running a little faster. _I don't care what the odds are. I'll save his sorry ass if it's the last thing I do._

A small smile played over her lips. For a second, things had felt normal again. She wondered if, when they _did _get to Ichigo and get out of Hueco Mundo, things could go back to how they were. She hoped they could.

* * *

**Author's Note: **My inspiration for this story went so far South, _Santa _can't even find it. Wait, Santa's in the _North_…my bad. Okay, lame jokes aside…as you can _obviously _tell, I'm struggling with this one now. I have the ideas in my head, I just can't put them into words. That happens when I get towards the end of stories. Oh, and speaking of the end, I'm cutting down the chapter number ― there'll probably only be two or three chapters after this, and then the epilogue. Yeah, as you can obviously tell, I'm ending all my Bleach stories. It's nothing against them or anything, it's just…I can't think of anything to write anymore, and it's leading to prolonged updates (like this). Well, enough of my rambling…review and let me know what you think ― Sam


	21. New Prey

**All In Your Head ― XXI**

"So Aizen, what do you propose we do about this slight, ah…_infestation_?"

Aizen knew what 'infestation' Ichimaru was referring to. The four Shinigami vice-captains, two captains, Quincy, and human woman that were currently making their way through the desert of Hueco Mundo, towards Las Noches.

Not that Aizen was worried. He was quite familiar with all the Shinigami present. None of them stood a chance in a fight against him, if it came right down to it. The Quincy and the human didn't even _register _on his radar. He wasn't worried at all.

He also wasn't surprised. He'd expected _someone _would come to save Kurosaki. It was only natural. He was a friend, after all, an ally. Though the number of people who had come _did _surprise Aizen just a bit. There was no way this rescue mission was authorized by Soul Society. Yamamoto would never have sent that many people.

But that was neither here nor there anymore. Aizen saw this as an opportunity. He could wipe out two captains and four vice-captains with one stone. How simple.

He smirked. "Bring Kurosaki here, Gin. I think it's time I had a word with our…guest."

* * *

"We're not splitting up."

It was the first thing Renji said when they made it to the main hall of Las Noches, with it's five different paths. It was the last thing anyone was worried about.

"I don't like this." Hitsugaya said, looking around. "Where are the guards? Why isn't anyone trying to stop us? It's almost like Aizen _wants _us here."

"Maybe he does." Hinamori said tentatively. The idea of possibly facing the man she had once admired so much, the man that had nearly killed her, was unnerving. "Maybe he told the guards to stand down because he wants to kill us himself."

"Could be." Renji said thoughtfully. "One thing I'll give Aizen credit for ― he never delegates his dirty work to others."

Hinamori and Hitsugaya exchanged looks, knowing full well that wasn't always true. Neither spoke though.

"At least we shook off Nell and them." Hisagi said as he looked down the five paths before them. "Thank God for the split up."

"Do you think they'll be okay?" Orihime asked. Hisagi rolled his eyes.

"That path led back outside. They'll be just fine Orihime-san. Anyways, we have bigger problems."

"We're not splitting up." Renji brought them back to the current 'problem.' "We did that last time we came here…it was a disaster."

"That's putting it mildly." Rukia grumbled. Uryu nodded in full agreement.

"Look how many of us there are." Hitsugaya said. "We can split off into groups of two or three. Better than going off completely by ourselves."

Renji didn't look too fond of that idea. "All right." Hinamori counted quickly. "Four, six…eight people, five paths. If we want to cover all five paths, two people are going to have to go alone."

"Abarai and I." Hitsugaya said at once. "That makes the most sense, we're the strongest."

No one protested that. They were the captains, after all. "Ishida-kun, Orihime-san, maybe each of you should come with one of us―"

But Uryu, stubborn as always, and unwilling to let Orihime out of his sight, said, "Orihime and I can go together."

Hinamori sighed. She'd tried. "All right…that leaves the four of us."

She indicated herself and her fellow vice-captains. "I'll go with Hisagi." Matsumoto said, shrugging. "No big deal."

"Just make sure you can actually _focus _on the job at hand." Hitsugaya warned. "No making party plans for when we get home."

"Oh Captain, you worry too much." Matsumoto waved the white-haired Shinigami off. Hinamori turned to Rukia.

"That leaves us."

Rukia nodded. She didn't care _how _it worked right then. She just wanted to start moving.

"All right." Hitsugaya took charge. "Let's move. And for God's sake, _don't die _out there, understand?"

Everyone nodded. "Okay. _Go_!"

And they split off, going down their respective paths, not sure they wanted to know what said paths held for them.

* * *

"Let me _go_!"

Kurosaki Ichigo's frustrated thoughts could be heard clearly down the hall that led to Aizen's chambers. He smirked. The orange-haired man may have been strong, but without his Zanpakatou (which was currently in Aizen's possession), he was practically helpless.

That didn't stop him from kicking and thrashing and protesting, though, as his two Arrancar guard dragged him in front of Aizen. He glared up at the superior man, his amber eyes filled with hatred.

"What's wrong, you don't know how to die?"

"Harsh." Aizen commented calmly. The smile he wore didn't quite make it to his eyes. "Where did you learn your manners, Kurosaki Ichigo? Don't you know when you talk to a God, you should treat him with respect?"

"_Please_!" Ichigo scoffed, struggling harder still against the grip of the two Arrancar holding him. Aizen knew if it wasn't for the spiritual pressure suppressing chains around his wrists and ankles, Ichigo would have already broken free. "_God_, my ass. Just an asshole with a superiority complex. You wait until I get free, I'll kill you again. And this time I'll make sure you _stay _dead."

"Too bad you never killed me to begin with." Aizen said, still calm. "But that is not why I've summoned you here ― I'm sure you'd like to know the reason behind that."

"I'm _sure _I don't give a damn." Ichigo growled through gritted teeth. "Whatever you have to say, I don't care about."

"Oh…I think you'll care about _this_."

* * *

"Why did you come, Kuchiki-san?"

Rukia stopped walking and looked over at Hinamori, who's dark brown gaze was boring into the thirteenth squad vice-captain.

"Isn't it obvious? I came to save Ichigo."

"You're too close to this though." Hinamori insisted.

"Momo-san, let me ask you something." Hinamori nodded. "If you were to confront Aizen right now, what would you do?"

Hinamori paused. "Okay…you've got me there. I'll admit, I didn't see everything clearly when it came to Aizen. But I've…gotten better. I'll be honest, I don't really _know _what I'd do if it came right down to doing face time with Captain ― with Aizen. I guess it's just something I have to try and avoid."

"And if you can't?"

"We'll see what happens when we get to that point, won't we?"

* * *

"You want me to _work _with you?" Ichigo was _sure _there was something wrong with his hearing. "Oh _man_, you're crazier than I thought you were!"

"Maybe that's what _you're _thinking." Aizen said calmly. "But I wonder what the hollow inside you thinking."

Ichigo paused. "I could offer it a lot more than you ever could. It likes to fight, doesn't it? Just like any hollow. He wants _strong _opponents. I could give those to him. I wonder what he thinks of that?"

_Strong opponents? I like this guy_, Ichigo bristled at the voice in his head.

_No way. Forget it. 'This guy' is a nut. I'm not working for him. And whatever _I _don't do, _you _don't do_, Ichigo warned the hollow.

_Hey, you're not in charge of me._

_This is _my _body you're sharing. I very well _am _in charge of you._

"Must be an interesting conversation going on in your head." Aizen's voice cut through Ichigo's internal argument. "The hollow must be intrigued."

Ichigo scowled. He didn't care _what _his damn hollow wanted. He would _never _work for Aizen.

"_Snap Tobiume_!"

A blast of energy slammed into the two Arrancar holding Ichigo, obliterating them. The orange-haired man whirled around, and was met with the shocking sight of Hinamori Momo (holding out her Zanpakatou) and Kuchiki Rukia. Aizen smiled at the new arrivals.

"Well, well…it's good to see you again, Momo."

That was all it took. In just a moment Hinamori's face went from set and determined to lost and terrified. The arm holding her Zanpakatou dropped to her side and she squeezed her eyes tightly shut.

"Can't…" She whispered, her voice choked with tears. "I can't do it."

Rukia stepped in front of Momo, her eyes narrowed. "Sorry Kuchiki-san."

"It's all right." Rukia drew her own sword, not taking her gaze away from Aizen. Something was bothering her. How had they gotten here so easily?

"What the…"

She looked over her shoulder. Uryu, Orihime, Matsumoto, Hisagi, Hitsugaya, and Renji were standing behind her and Hinamori, all obviously confused. "What the hell's going on here?"

"I see you've all made it." Aizen said, standing up to look at them clearly. Everyone, with the exception of Hinamori, was looking up at him, hatred filling their eyes. "I'm glad. It'll be so much easier just killing you all at once, as opposed to one at a time."

"The only one who's going to die here is you." Hitsugaya said through gritted teeth, drawing his Zanpakatou. Aizen shook his head, drawing his own sword.

"Really Hitsugaya-kun…what did I tell you about talking so big? It makes you look weak." The white-haired captain growled in the back of his throat.

"Bastard."

"You set us up." Hisagi said, surprisingly calm.

"That's true." Aizen said, still clam. "Though I must admit, you arrived earlier than I expected. Guess I'll just have to push you up on my priority list."

He disappeared from sight and before they could blink he was standing in front of them, sword raised.

"Scatter!" Hitsugaya shouted. Everyone dove away, Renji grabbing Uryu and Orihime, Hitsugaya grabbing Hinamori.

"_Damn_!" Ichigo's eyes darted around, trying to find a weapon, any weapon…

"_There_!"

His Zanpakatou was right behind Aizen's throne.

Neither Hitsugaya nor Renji wasted no time releasing their Bankai. But with Aizen's Shikai, it was almost impossible to tell when they had actually hit Aizen (which was never), or when they were hitting an illusion.

"_Bankai_!"

The spiritual pressure in the room _sky-rocketed_. Everyone whirled around. Ichigo had gotten his hands on his Zanpakatou. "Thank _God_."

Aizen looked around at Ichigo, who was holding out his sword, already in his Bankai uniform.

"Well, well…this isn't a turn I expected."

Ichigo flew forward, sword raised. Aizen stepped nimbly out of the way, and the orange-haired man missed, but just barely.

"This isn't a fight we can win." Hitsugaya said as calmly as he could manage. "We need an escape."

Rukia's eyes darted around quickly, landing on the ceiling. "Momo-san."

The dark-haired girl followed Rukia' gaze. She understood. "Kurosaki-kun, get over here!"

Ichigo heard the shout and, after giving one last swing of his sword, flew backwards to join the group. Hinamori and Rukia both jerked their hands upwards at the ceiling. Two shots of Kido flew off, slamming into the ceiling and bringing it down.

"Great, try to kill us all." Ichigo muttered. But the attack had the desired effect. A pile of debris separated them from Aizen.

"Who cares? Let's get out of here!"

* * *

"You're just going to let them go?" Gin asked, looking between the hole and the ceiling and Aizen. "After the hell we went through to get him?"

Aizen had to admit, that hadn't gone _exactly_ as he had planned. "I underestimated them." He said simply. "I thought fifteen years would lull them into a false sense of security. I'll just have to be craftier next time."

"There's still time to catch them." Gin said, sounding almost hopeful.

"No." Aizen said after a moment. "You're right, of course, there's time. But I believe a few more calculations will need to be done first."

"Calculations?" Gin asked, making a face at Aizen. "What more do you need to know? Kurosaki's the one you want, after all."

Aizen smirked a little as he stared at the pile of debris in front of him. He'd known, of course, the Hinamori was a master of Kidou. And she had definitely improved since the last time he had seen her. And Kuchiki…

"Oh boy." Gin sighed. "We're adding two more to the list of people to capture, aren't we? What a bother."

* * *

**Author's Note**: Good news and bad news. Bad news: next chapter is the epilogue. Good news: I've decided to make a sequel! It'll pick up where this leaves off, the start of a new war, and of course, lots of Ichigo and Rukia interaction, to make up for the lack of it in this story. So…review and let me know what you think! ― Sam


	22. ―Epilogue― Taking the Blame

**All In Your Head ― Epilogue**

_**--:--Two Months Later--:--**_

"All right, that's enough for the day, pack it in."

"Yes Vice-Captain Kuchiki." A chorus of voices answered Rukia's order. She smiled. She loved the new recruits. They were so...obedient. Then they got a few months of familiarity in with the division and it all ended. Rukia decided to cherish it while it lasted.

"Let's head back." She pulled her pack on over her shoulders and led the way back to the thirteenth division, her subordinates chatting behind her.

"Hey Vice-Captain." One of the girls in the back spoke up. Rukia rolled her.

"Didn't I say you don't have to call me that?"

The girl blushed as if she had just been chastised. "R-Rukia-dono, then." She stuttered out. "I was just wondering if it's true what everyone says about you knowing that Shinigami representative personally ― you know, Kurosaki?"

"Of course she does stupid." Another person said. "D-Don't you, Rukia-dono?"

Rukia sighed. She loved new recruits. But at the same time they were _really_ annoying.

--

"Gotcha!" Matsumoto Rangiku jumped Rukia the second she left the thirteenth division for the day. "Come on Rukia-san, you're going drinking with us."

"Who decided that?" Rukia asked, pretending to be annoyed as Matsumoto dragged her down the street, Hinamori Momo following behind, laughing.

"We did!" Matsumoto cooed. Hinamori shot her a look. "Well, I did. That is, of course, unless you have plans..."

Rukia rolled her eyes, knowing what Matsumoto was implying. "I'll have plans the same night Momo-san makes some."

Hinamori blushed and stuck her tongue out at Rukia. "Who would I make plans exactly, Rukia-san?"

"Captain Hitsugaya." Matsumoto spoke at the same time as Rukia. Hinamori turned, if it was possible, an even darker shade of red.

"Hang on a sec, how did this turn on me?!"

Matsumoto and Rukia laughed as Momo puzzled over how badly this had turned on her. She'd been hoping to make fun of Rukia all night.

Rukia took the lead and turned to walk backwards so she could still talk to Hinamori and Matsumoto. They chatted aimlessly for awhile.

"Well, well, speak of the devil," Matsumoto said suddenly, "and the devil shall appear."

Rukia looked over her shoulder. Standing just a few feet away were Ichigo, Renji, and Hitsugaya, all three of whom seemed to be arguing.

"I don't _care_ if you're getting bored on Abarai's division. You're _not_ hanging out on mine!" Hitsugaya said as they approached. Rukia turned her head back and kept walking. Maybe Matsumoto would be merciful...

"Maybe he could go to the thirteenth division." Matsumoto said as they passed the small group. "I'm sure Rukia-san would _love_ that―"

Rukia jarred to a halt, fuming. She stooped down and grabbed a small pebble, chucking it as hard as she could at Matsumoto's head. There was a dull _thunk_ as the little rock made contact. Matsumoto blinked in surprise.

"Aw Rukia-san, you're _mean_." She whined, sounding hurt.

"You obviously have no idea how mean she can _really_ get." Ichigo said conversationally. Rukia responded to this by whirling around and punching the orange-haired man in the head. "You suck, Rukia."

"Thank you Ichigo."

A normal person might never know that only a couple months earlier, these same two people hadn't even been able to look each other in the eye. But then, a normal person also wouldn't know that the six people currently present were involved in a war.

"So how come you don't want to stay with Renji-kun anymore, Kurosaki-kun?" Hinamori asked curiously as the three guys fell into step with the three girls. Ichigo rolled his eyes.

"The real question is why _would_ I? His division is boring."

Ichigo had spent the last two months drifting between divisions. There was currently no rank open in Soul Society that was high enough of him (which was, of course, captain. Vice-Captain at the very least). He'd spent the last two weeks in Renji's division. Apparently, though, he had finally gotten bored.

"I'd _love_ to have you in _our_ division." Matsumoto said honestly. "It would spice things up a little."

"Forget it." Hitsugaya said, crossing his arms and frowning. "I have enough to worry about without adding what Kurosaki might do to the place. If Ukitake wants him, he can have him."

"I wouldn't do anything _bad_." Ichigo said, pouting a little.

"Don't _I_ get a choice in this?" Rukia added, frowning. She didn't really want Ichigo in _her_ division, either, though for completely different reasons.

"You're just the vice-captain. In the long run it _is_ Ukitake's decision―"

"Why don't you want Kurosaki-kun hanging around anyway, Rukia-san?" Matsumoto asked, elbowing Rukia in the side. The raven-haired Shinigami scowled.

"Don't make it sound so mean Matsumoto-san―"

"Oh forget it." Ichigo sighed, disgusted. "I'll stay at Renji's division...for now."

Rukia bit her lip, feeling a little bad now. "I guess...Captain Ukitake wouldn't mind―"

"You're putty, Rukia-san." Matsumoto said, patting Rukia's head consolingly. Rukia scowled and knocked the older woman's hand away.

"I think I'll take a rain check." Ichigo looked over his shoulder at Rukia. She was turning down the street that led to her small house. "See you later."

She had barely disappeared around the corner before Ichigo snapped. "See ya."

And he took off after her. Matsumoto shook her head as she watched Ichigo's retreating back.

"They're _so_ in love."

"No kidding." Hitsugaya, Renji, and Hinamori all said at the same time.

"Mind if I walk with you?" Rukia looked around; Ichigo was walking next to her.

"Even if I said no, you'd come anyway. Why waste my breath?"

"You catch on fast." Ichigo smirked. Rukia didn't say anything, but turned her gaze forward again. The orange-haired man sighed. "Look, Rukia, I've been thinking―"

"Great, you discovered you do, in fact, have a mind."

"I always had one. It's just been...lost."

He meant it as a joke. He should have known better.

"Lost. Right. Wonder who's fault _that_ is."

And she sped up, obviously hoping to lose him now. Ichigo sighed. _Stupid, stupid Ichigo._

"Wait." He jogged to catch up with her, grabbing her by the shoulder and stopping her from walking away. "I didn't mean it like..._that_. Stop being so serious all the time, Rukia, I was only kidding."

"Glad it's such a joke."

"Rukia―"

"Just get on with it. What were you thinking about?"

Ichigo blinked. Oh. Right. That was how this had started. "Well, I was thinking...we never really _did_ get a chance to talk, did we?"

"Sure we did."

Ichigo knew she was thinking about the first time they'd talked, right after he had been released from the hospital. "I don't consider _that_ a real conversation."

Rukia sighed. He wasn't going to give up. "Fine." She said, turning and starting up the walkway to her house. "You're not going to give this up, apparently, so…"

She let him in silently.

"So…" She said after a minute. "Talk."

Ichigo groaned. "You're putting this off on me?"

"You're the one who wanted a conversation." Damn. She had him there. Ichigo sighed.

"I just…" He shook his head. In what way could he say this that wouldn't make him sound like a complete and hopeless _loser_? "It's not your fault."

The words came out rushed, forced. He was trying to make it as painless as possible. But Rukia still made sense of it. "It's―"

"Not your fault." He repeated in a slower voice. "What happened after the war, these last fifteen years…_none of it _is your fault."

"What are you―"

"Hinamori told me." Ichigo cut Rukia off. "She told me that you've been beating yourself up for the last fifteen years, you've been blaming yourself ― don't get mad at her, Renji told me the same thing. The point is, Rukia, it's not your fault, any of it. It's _mine_."

Rukia didn't mean for her laugh to sound hysterical. But it must have, because Ichigo was instantly alarmed by it. "_Your fault_?" She said, her voice just on the edge of hysteria. "You expect me to _believe that_? Last time I checked, you weren't hauled out of Urahara's shouting, _'my fault, all my fault!'_!" Ichigo winced. "So nice try Ichigo, but no go for you this time around. Skip on back to whoever told you to talk to me, and tell them not to bother anymore."

"No one told me to come here, Rukia." Ichigo said quietly. She wasn't listening anymore though.

"I tried telling myself that, you know." She went on. "In the first few months, I tried blaming it on you. If you hadn't been so stubborn, hadn't _insisted _on fighting, if you had just died the night I met you like you were meant to…" Her voice drifted for a moment, but then she was back full force. "I tried blaming it on others too. Aizen, the Arrancar, Soul Society, all of 'em, I tried blaming everyone. In the first year I think I blamed everyone from your next-door neighbor to Inoue―" Ichigo couldn't make _any _sense of that one, "but in the end, it wasn't any of _them _you were screaming about. It was _me_."

Now Ichigo was worried. He wondered how long Rukia had kept all this inside. "For the first five years I actually went and saw you. Not during the day, of course, not when anyone would have seen me, not when you might be awake. No, at night, late at night. I'd be in the real world for one reason or another, I'd make sure to finish up real early and slip in to see you. But even in your sleep you muttered. _'Her fault, her fault,' _you always said. I'd stand there at night and listen to you mutter, I'd take my beating ― because I knew I deserved it.

"When Orihime-san started working there, I stopped going every time I was in the real world. I never knew _when _she was working, and I didn't want to risk running into her ― I knew you were on her route, I didn't need her walking in while I was just standing there, listening to you mutter in your sleep. There were certain days though where I'd be passing, and I'd see her leave for the night, that I'd go up and see you. Even then, you still muttered. I don't think you ever _stopped _muttering, to be honest.

It wasn't just _you _either. Everyone blamed me. Ishida especially, I think, but then again he blames _all _the problems of the world on Shinigami―" Ichigo opened his mouth to protest this, but then realized that interrupting Rukia at this point could be dangerous. "Karin-chan, I always knew she would, and I think Chad did too, a little, though he never actually came out and said it ― he never said much. They all blamed me, it wasn't just you. So who else's fault _could _it be?"

She stopped talking for a split second to take a breath. Ichigo was too shocked to try and intervene now.

"Of course, there were people _here _that tried to make it better. _'It was inevitable,' _they'd say, _'he was trusted with the world, _anyone _would snap under that kind of pressure.'._

"But who put that burden on your shoulder? Who gave you her Shinigami powers and forced you to temporarily take her place, who was it you came to this God forsaken place to rescue, who was it you got stronger for, achieved Bankai for, tried to kill every Shinigami for? The answer's all the same ― me. I'm the reason you're everything you were ― everything you _are­_―"

Her voice cracked. Ichigo couldn't take it anymore. He did the first thing that seemed sensible ― he stepped forward and reached out, taking Rukia into his arms and pulling her close to his body. The action shocked away any other words she might have had. "Ichi…go…?"

"I'm going to say this again, you idiot." He muttered, holding her tighter. "_It's not your fault_. Every reason you just listed was fabricated in your mind, twisted to make _you _look bad. I accepted your powers, your responsibility because I wanted to. I came here to rescue you, I trained and got stronger, and I fought the Shinigami here _because I wanted to_. You didn't _make _me take your powers, you didn't _make _me take up your job, and you _certainly _didn't make me come here and rescue you ― in fact, unless my memory went with my mind, if I remember correctly you tried to make me go _home_." Rukia was shaking under his grip now. "I can't account for the last fifteen years. And I'm sorry if I hurt you, but _please_, just believe me ― it wasn't you. It was _never _you."

They stood for a moment in silence, Ichigo still holding Rukia. Then a pair of small, shaking hands reached themselves up and gripped Ichigo's robe. Surprised, the orange-haired man looked down. Rukia had buried her face in his chest, and he knew, without having to see her face, that she was crying.

"Never blame yourself." He muttered, holding her tighter yet.

"Can't help it." She muttered, her voice thick but controlled. "It's what I do. Ask Renji, he'll tell you."

"Oh trust me, I know." Ichigo smiled a little despite himself. "But It's a habit of yours I'm going to break, Rukia, I swear. Because no matter how many times you blame yourself…I'll _never _blame you."

* * *

**Author's Note: **The End! Or is it…

**Title: **Inner Conflict

**Rating: **T

**Pairing(s): **IchiRuki, HitsuHina

**Summary: **―All In Your Head Sequel― With a new war comes new problems. Two very different people struggle against the feelings that threaten to overwhelm them, while the ones they love try desperately to save them ―IchiRuki, HitsuHina―

The sequel will be up sometime after June 17, which is when school ends for me. So be on the look out for it, kay?

_**ForeverSam's Sappy Moment: **_Thank you to _everybody _who's stuck through me with this story and all it's ups and downs. You've all been great! This list includes (but is certainly not limited to):

―Zapenbits

―XxDoctorxX (who isn't with me as of late, but who will always be a treasured friend no matter what she says)

―XxtomoyoXchan93xX

―SuperRukia

―Conterra-san

And so, _so _many more. These five are just the ones who motivate me the most, because no matter how bad the chapter got, they were always there saying it was fine, don't worry, update soon. And I'm grateful for that ― and for all of you who take the time to review. Thank you all _so _much.

And so, for the last time in this story, this is Sam, signing off. Review please! ―Sam


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